Catching Fireflies and Blowing Dandelions

Everyday Intensity July Challenge

2010-07-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

The website, Everyday Intensity, posts articles, topics and questions pertaining to overexcitabilities, giftedness, Dabrowski, and sensitivities. For the month of July, which is also my birthday month, there is a new challenge everyday regarding our intensities; living with them, getting to know them, respecting them, controlling them, etc.

From Yesterday's post on Everyday Intensity:

“The essential characteristic of nervousness is an increased excitability, symptomatized in the forms of sensual, psychomotor, affectional, imaginational, and mental hyperexcitability. It consists in an unproportional reaction to a stimulus, an extended, long-lasting, accelerated reaction, and a peculiar reaction to a neutral stimulus.” (Kazimierz Dabrowski, Personality-shaping Through Positive Disintegration)

To begin, think about some really good things you have done with your life, or some personal growth you experienced, especially if it came after a period of internal struggle. How did overexcitabilities play a role? What did they help you to notice in yourself or in your environment?

For me it was always difficult to leave relationships that were no good for me.

I remember when I broke off with my first no-goodnik boyfriend I was so stressed out contemplating my exit strategy that I couldn't even talk. I just went silent. For days.

Even today, I go silent when I am really upset. Though, I have much better coping skills now (as I am almost 20 years older) and my silence never lasts for days or even hours.

What I am talking about is not the Silent Treatment. I am not that passive aggressive. I like talking to people I am close to and I strongly believe it is important to confront issues and talk things out, even if it means staying up till two a.m.. (my poor husband.)

But when I'm really upset or really stressed, I find that words escape me. Or rather, I go live inside my head, which a whirlwind of words, none of which can be caught and uttered aloud.

I see this as one of my many extreme reactions or my "unproportional reaction to a stimulus".

I think I need my silence. My silence gives me time. My silence allows me to listen to a voice inside me that is whispering, barely audible, what I needed to do protect myself, when the voices telling me what I OUGHT to do are so much louder. My silence keeps me from saying things that I might regret. When I am silent I can sort out the unreasonable demands other make on me, or that I make on myself. When I don't speak it is because I need time to think. In silence I gather my strength.

After a few days of silence I knew what I needed to do and I broke up with that bullying boyfriend. It was a struggle. It took a long time sitting with silence, but eventually I heard the truth ringing out with clarity.

2010-07-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

A few pictures from our trip out west and back

Hoover Dam

I like how you can see the white line of the water level.

A beautiful deep blue lake between Vegas and Reno.

Gorgeous red mountains in Utha or Colorado

A rest stop in Colorado.

Climbing around

I tried to include some pictures with cars to show scale.

Those pine trees are HUGE!

Huge mountains and fast rivers. My favorite part of Colorado.

My Education

2010-05-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

At any one time I might have a dozen tabs open on articles I want to read for self edification or reviewing stuff I might want to teach Zoe. For example:

River of Time - NOVA

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III explains academic gifts

Japanese space agency set to make history with launch of the solar-sailing IKAROS probe

Whale diversity driven by diet

NOVA - teacher's guide on Sleep

Hamlet, a teacher's guide

Genie Scott talks with Skepchick.org's Sam Ogden about the evolution of creationism, the Texas board of education, women in science, and more.

Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Response Resources

An one Twitter post might lead me down a rabbit trail of articles about the same subject

Healthy Intoversion

Caring for your introvert

Introverts - strength in lack of numbers

Introversion verse Shyness

I found these blogs - The Introvert Zone and Living Introverted

Which lead to some articles about being a gifted adult - Lisa's Ginormous List of Gifted Grown-up Traits and Exploring Grown-up Giftedness

All this doesn't include facebook, twitter and the blogs I read. Thank goodness I read fast.

Some movies and updates

2010-05-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Zoe's reenactment of Emily Dickinson's poem The Lost Thought

Zoe singing Pi Day at the math party

Community Research Project on Exploding and Collapsing Boxes (of numbers)

Other recent fun learning:

Science - Biology, Creative Thinking, Greenhouse Effect, Evolutions, Bacteria, Genetic Mutations, Basic Electronics, Cell Turnover, Optimization/Maximization, Opportunism, Ecosystems,

The start of the American Revolution - The Boston Massacre, The Battle at Lexington and Concord, Sam Adams, Thomas Paine, Patrick Henry, Paul Revere, and The John Adams HBO mini series

Reading - Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Enders Game by Orson Scott Card, Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett, Emily Dickenson Poems, The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane and other fiction and non-ficiton.

Math - Programming JAVA, Quadratic Equations, and Fractional Bases

Music - Piano

Music History - Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninov, Pushkin, Wagner and The Ring Cycle, Liszt, Opera - Puccini, Verdi, Giselle, Chopin, Mendelssohn

Language Arts - Greek and Latin word roots, aesthetics, analogies, Spanish Cognates, synthesis, divergence, analysis, evaluation, and intuition.

Dance - preparing for recital in June

Other - writing a couple books, a shot movie, songs for the movie, chatting, Skyping, playing, watching three versions of Hamlet and Looney Tunes.

Japanese

2010-05-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

Zoe is going to be taking a break from Japanese for awhile.

She has been studying Japanese for 4 years and is getting close to taking the proficiency exam, the JLPT. But, it is a struggle for her to retain all the vocabulary she has learned over the last four years, since she rarely has opportunities to speak Japanese.

She has an hourly lesson with her teacher once a week, of which little or no time is spent on vocabulary she learned 2, 3, 4 years ago. She spends 30 minutes a day, four days a week doing homework, but that is all new stuff. I have a Japanese girl come over for an hour once a week to "play" in Japanese with Zoe. But, you would be surprised how little actually get accomplished during that time.

Zoe is taking a college level class and the college kids have 4 1/2 hours a week of class time plus homework. Zoe gets one hour class time and 3 hours of homework and I am not really willing to spend more time on this at home. Not unless Zoe wanted to and she doesn't.

Don't get me wrong. Japanese is a fine language to study. It is extremely difficult. The U.S. Gov rates it as the hardest language for native English speakers to master. And, depending on where you live and your personal situation, there can be limited opportunities for speaking in Japanese.

If Zoe wanted to continue Japanese I could have her supplementing with Rosetta Stone, watching Anime with Japanese subtitles and language options on, and writing to a Japanese pen pal. There is more we could do to help her retain everything she learned. It would require devoting more time to the subject each day.

But, Zoe is losing interesting in Japanese. She and her teacher are not totally clicking and I know that is affecting her. And I don't want to force her to pursue a language that she chose when she was 5 years old. Even if she forget everything, which I doubt, I believe it has developed some important pathways in her brain and she has enjoyed herself most of the time.

Recently she asked if she could take a break from studying Japanese and try Spanish and Latin. Sure! Why not? I know she has invested years in Japanese and is close to gaining at certificate, at a very young age, but I think it is important to allow her this choice. I can tell she is not as excited to study Japanese as she used to be and I think 4 years of Japanese is a good enough accomplishment.

Zoe has always had an interest in languages. I remember, when she was 2 or 3, asking how to say different words in Spanish, French, Japanese and even Russian. I remember her taking language dictionaries to her room for some "light" bed time reading. Zoe also takes Hebrew twice a week and we will continue with that. But now she is asking to learn Spanish and Latin. She is excited about it. So we are going to switch to that for the summer and see what she want to continue with in the fall. Maybe she will want to go back to Japanese, maybe she will want to get more proficient in Spanish or maybe she will want to try something else.

I am excited too because delving into a new language is fun!

Personal Stuff update

2010-04-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

One year update Recovery: It Works

So I have been in therapy for 20 months now. About 2 months ago I started going every other week instead of every week. I just didn't have that much to talk about anymore.

Sometimes it is hard to sort out how much the therapy helped me and how much is due to books I read on my own and going no contact with my mother.

I admit I am still angry at my mother. But I don't think about it that much anymore. I realize it is her not me. And I am even sorry for her. I wish her well. But all the love a daughter has for her mother is not enough to fix or change a mother with a personality disorder. And I know that it is not healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone whom I love but who doesn't love me.

It is actually really sad. I wish my mom weren't an angry, damaged, abusive person. I want her to be happy. But not at my expense. She abused me and if she were a man everyone would tell me to get out of that relationship. People have a harder time accepting a separation between mother and child, even if the mother was abusive.

But I have basically been No Contact with her for a year and a half and most of my issues have receded. I live more often (most often) the kind of life I want to live, without the painful soul-crushing interruptions and detours.

I was always very capable and rational. But I had a few triggers that could send me to a state where my rational brain wasn't in control.

For example, when I was 5 my mother picked me up from my nanny and drove 4 states away, kidnapping me from my father. I didn't get to see or talk to him for three years after that. Then, when I was 11 she abandoned me.

So I have what they call "abandonment issues." The way I dealt with that, as I grew up, was to be very independent, i.e. if I don't rely on anyone they can't abandon me. That worked for me as a child. It made me feel somewhat safe in a world where my main caregiver was mentally disordered.

Most adults that had dysfunctional childhoods still have behaviors from childhood that worked for them at that time. They were necessary to get by when we were small and relatively powerless. But, those behaviors often get in our way as adults. Traditional therapy and bibliotherapy helped me suss out which behaviors I could let go of. And helped me recognize my triggers and talk to myself rationally when I was going back to my childhood defense mechanisms.

I used to have various triggers, now those same things don't really bleep on my radar. I am SO happy about that. But the behaviors that kept me "safe" as a child are harder to change. And I am still not sure which of those behaviors are truly me and which are just defense mechanisms and I may never know. It doesn't really matter. I can still change to be the kind of person I want to be. What helps is avoiding unhealthy relationships where I am reenacting my unhealthy parent/child dynamic. (We do that because part of us wants to "fix it" this time or because we want to validate the damage done to us or to excuse our parents... actually we do that for a lot of reasons.)Eschewing toxic relationships for healthy, supportive, safe relationships has helped me let go of my defenses and reinforce healthy behaviors.

I also used to believe that I was deserving of the treatment my mother gave me. But, of course, all babies and children deserve to me loved and no child deserves to be abused. I knew that, and yet I still spent most of my life wondering what I needed to do to get my mother to show that she loved me. I thought it was my responsibility to earn her love by putting up with whatever she was dishing out. That is exactly how she wanted me to feel. That was how she trained me to feel. But, after one and a half years of therapy, I am happy to say that I no longer think or feel that way.

Having my own child, nine years ago, set the ground work. I started to get really angry at my mother after I had Zoe. I loved Zoe with all my heart before she was even born. I could never behave like my mother did. Still, I had this disconnect between a love that was so natural and strong between Zoe and I and how hard it was to feel safe around my mother and how sad I was for the love I had missed out on.

It is still sad. Right now I think it will always be sad, like the death of a loved one, over time you think about it less but it always hurts. But, I am different now. I am a lot better. I have changed in ways that I never thought I could. I never thought I would be so self-accepting or that I could get over my abandonment issues. Truthfully, my issues are not totally gone, but they hardly affect my life anymore.

I will probably stop going to therapy soon. There is not much more that I need to work on with my therapist. Healing is a process but I am at the point where I can take my training wheels off and ride on my own. I know I will hit some bumps and even fall down again. But I can pick myself up because I know what to do.

Here are some of the resources I used to get me to this point:

I highly recommend the book A Gift to Myself by Charles Whitfield. I worked through it at the beginning of my therapy and now my therapist thinks I should go through it again. It was one of the books that helped me the most.

I read books about being gifted because some of my issues are just about accepting what that means and how it affects my life and relationships. The first two are must reads for any gifted woman who thinks she might need to deal with any issues she has regarding her giftedness and, you can take a test on the Highly Sensitive Person website and if you think you are a HSP then read this book. The Whitefield book, the Jacobson book and Aron's book helped me the most out of all the books I read.
The Gifted Adult by Jacobson
Smart Girls by Barbara Kerr
The Highly Sensitive Person by Aron

and I read these books about Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Disarming the Narcissist by Behary
Trapped in the Mirror by Golomb
Children of the Self-Absorbed by Brown
The Narcissistic Family by Donalson -Pressman and Pressman
And I read pretty much every website and article on Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder there is online.

When most adult children of a Narcissist first learn about NPD they get a little obsessive. It is so eye-opening and validating to read stories that really mirror your own crazy, secret, abusive childhood. It is so bizarre to find out that almost all of our mothers cut their daughter's hair really short. (Narcissists need to be the center of attention and they do all kinds of things to either keep their child from "stealing" any attention or use their child as an accessory for themselves to get more attention.)If you dealing with something like this I recommend educating yourself on it. It really helped me to understand what was going on with my mother.

So, that is it really. I thought I was pretty good before. I would never have gone into therapy if I hadn't moved to life one block from my mother. But I am glad that I did, on both counts. Because I was forced to face my issues and deal with them and I am really happy that I did.

L.A. Trip April 2010 part one

2010-04-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

We have come out to Los Angeles to visit Pere's family and see Grandmere, who is suffering from terminal brain cancer and near the end of her life.

It all came about quite quickly. Last year, at this time, she was first diagnosed. She had brain surgery and chemo and a gamma knife and a new drug on a clinical trial and she was doing well, until about 2 months ago. Since then her health has gone down very quickly. We were planning to come to L.A. in June but the doctor said that might be too late.

I wasn't sure how Zoe was going to handle it. She has always been close with her Grandmere. Zoe was scared, for her Grandmere, at first. But soon she was helping feed Grandmere and give her water, and she read to her and talked to her, even though Grandmere can't talk back.

Grandmere sleeps most of the time and has a hospice caregiver that comes during the day. After the first couple of days it was boring for Zoe to be at the house all day so I took her to visit friends, and I visited their moms, who are my friends too.

We had blueberry muffins and tea with A.B. and E. The girls put on a magic show and made a song on Garage Band. A.B. and Pere and I talked about movies and sexism in Hollywood and private schools.

Then we visited L.T. and C. The girls played detective almost the whole time. We ate at our regular sushi place. L.T. and I talked about everything,(for four hours!) It was great, made me almost want to move back to L.A.. Then I looked at the housing prices and remembered why we moved away in the first place.

When we are at Pere's family home we eat, and play Uno, and sit with Grandmere and color and read. It is pretty quiet.

We celebrated the birthdays of Grandpere and Tante Juliet with chocolate cake and sushi. And that was nice, but I kept noticing how different things are without Grandmere. She is there, but it is not the same because she is so far gone.

It is very sad. Everyone keeps asking me how Pere is. I can't really say. Obviously he is really sad, and he has always been quiet. He still is.

I am trying not to cry too much myself because... I'm not sure why. I have been crying off and on for months now. The enormity of it is still there. The tragedy of it all hasn't gotten any easier to accept. I don't want to think about it because it makes me so angry and sad.

I have been struggling to defend my faith in God for a few years now. These days the idea that I keep coming back to is that if God did exist he/she is irrelevant. If there is a God, he/she has stopped involving him/herself in the affairs of man long ago. There is no one that hears our prayers. There is no greater being with a plan that makes all the tragedies make sense. He/she has abandoned us. Then I remember that I don't believe God exists. But either way, irrelevant.

Sunday - Hiking

2010-04-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

Math

2010-03-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

The head of Zoe's Math Center helped her with factoring trinomials on Tuesday. She gave her a college algebra book that has almost 100 problems for each way of factoring. She thinks the best way to really learn how to factor trinomials is to just do a lot of them. I think Zoe has it down because she did 20 problems in half an hour yesterday and got them all correct.

I so grateful that Zoe seems to have inherited Pere's math talent rather than my math anxiety.

I am not sure what my problem was. When I think back I remember feeling rushed all the time. Part of my reputation as the "smart girl" in class was always finishing my in class work first. The faster I got it done the smarter I felt. And, it wasn't like I did a half ass job either. I did it quick and I did it well. All the Humanities came easily to me, and, for awhile, so did math and science.

But, there were times when I couldn't be right and first in math and that made me feel anxious and stupid. I got all choked up and some part of my brain would just shut down, out of fear.

I never learned that it was okay to spend a long time trying to figure out a math problem. I thought that if the answer didn't pop into my head immediately then I was "bad" at math. I hadn't really been bad at anything before and it threw me for a loop.

I can kind of see some of that same attitude in Zoe. She will say a type of problem is "really hard" but I maintain that if you can do a whole page of problems and get 90% of then correct, then it is probably not too hard. That seems the appropriate level of challenge to me.

I have made an effort let Zoe spend a lot of time on one problem. I want her to get the idea that the answer is there, and she is allowed to take the time she needs to find it.

Life of Fred Algebra is interesting because in almost each set of problems there is a problem that the book hasn't covered yet. There is really no reason she would know how to solve the problem. It was really frustrating at first. But, now we expect them and I use them to give her the experience of searching and trying and getting things wrong and trying again and utilizing her resources to find the answer (her resources are the book, the internet, me, her dad and Math Center tutors)

Zoe is a very quick learner in math. She had no problem with long division or fractions. She is zipping through algebra pretty handily too. So I think these challenging questions are really helpful. I am hoping she wont be afraid like I was (sometimes still am). I am hoping she learns that math isn't about being first. I hope she can learn to enjoy the mystery and the hunt and not run away when things aren't easy.

Homeschooling today and Rebecca.

2010-03-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

Zoe wanted to use different materials to homeschool today.

So we read about prime and irrational numbers in her Cool Math book. Zoe says "Pi is my favorite irrational number."

We read poetry by Shakespeare, William Blake, Wordsworth and Elizabeth Barret Browning. Zoe loved E.B.B.'s Sonnets from the Portuguese.

She read a Horrible History about Wicked Words to me. Balderdash means cheap bad wine.

For science we tried to use our deductive skills to solve some crimes from her Solve It book.

Then she practiced kanji, read about Mozart's father, read Huckleberry Finn, practiced the piano for 45 minutes and made a Mud Pie Feast out in the yard with eight different dishes.

She helped her father make Charoset (minced apples, walnuts and wine.) She set the table for Passover and read about 1/3 of the Haggadah, including lots of Hebrew.

Since we told her that her grandmother's brain cancer has worsened Zoe has been carrying around the American Girl doll, Rebecca, that Anne bought her for Hanukkah last year. Rebecca is now her "daughter" and Zoe is bringing her to meals and Rebecca is joining us for homeschooling and she now holds an exalted place among the other AG dolls. I am not sure what is going on there but I imagine that Zoe might be giving the love to her doll that she wishes she could be giving her grandmother.

My girl

2010-03-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

Dissecting a crawfish.

Dressed up for her piano competition. She score in the very superior range with a 91%

Doing her online Music History class

Dressed as Queen Ester for Purim

Very mathy weekend

2010-03-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday our downtown had an Easter Festival and the Math Center participated by developing a Math Trail, which was an activity sheet with math questions to do at different downtown businesses.

Zoe is was conscientious player, she wanted to do all the problems and do them by herself, though we did help her count the Fleur de Lys at the New Orleans style coffee shop. There were a over 600.

She designed a protective shell for an egg and dropped it from 12' high, and the egg didn't break! Then she got to throw the egg at a physics student from the local college. After that exciting event the physics students showed her the math behind her egg drop.

She was the last kid to finish, just 15 minutes before the closing of the last shop, though we also started really late. For a prize, the bakery gave her a giant brownie, a cupcake and three cookies.

Today Zoe was at Math Center for three hours. She worked on the video game she is programming in JAVA and the community project about fractional bases. She told me she was very proud because she was chosen to be one of two student teachers and teach the other kids binary.

She noted that today she was the only girl working on the community project. I pointed out that the leader of the math center is a woman. Zoe and I talked about why women are underrepresented in math professions.

She told me that she doesn't think she will succumb to peer pressure and drop her interest in math because she already stands out in her Hebrew class as one of the best students as well as the only kid who says they like learning Hebrew and she said, "I am not going to change. I don't care about fitting in or not fitting it. I just am what I am."

I hope she retains that strong sense of self when she gets to her middle school years.

Why I could write

2010-03-14T13:43:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Pere asked me what made me finally decide to write my book. I have been thinking of it and developing it in my head for at least eight years.

I decided I could write when I stopped talking to my mother and went to therapy.

See, I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember thinking about things like that. Actually, most of the time I was a storyteller rather than a writer. It is hard to write when you are riding your bicycle or wandering through the woods. I made up stories all the time, for far longer than most people do.

I wanted to be Kurt Vonnegut or Jack Kerouac. I even smoked unfiltered Pall Malls. But before that I was a little girl with a prodigious vocabulary who wanted to be a writer. And I would read my stories to my ever loving (yeah, right) mother. I still remember what she said because she sliced each letter of each word was into my heart with a razor. I still have the scars.

I know it wont sound like much. But I thought my mom loved me and I thought she was right. So when she read one of my little handwritten stories and she said "You should learn to type so you have something to fall back on when this writing thing doesn't work out." I was devastated.

Think about that. Who says that to a young person? And she wasn't joking. She wasn't being playful. She took my childhood dream and she told me that it wasn't going to work out. And not only that, she told me that I should set my sights lower, like being a secretary.

Some of you who read this might not be parents, but you might have interacted with children. If young child said they wanted to be an artist and showed you their drawing, would you just say "Oh! What a lovely drawing!" Any normal person could at least muster fake support.

If the drawing really was quite nice for the child's age you might say something more specific like, "Wow! That is a very realistic looking cat. My, my, you are going to be artist someday." If the picture was just some terrible scribbling you are still obliged to say, "Very nice!"

Parents are supposed to be biased towards their children. Parents are supposed to think their children are pretty darn great and possibly the best child ever. Some parents don't, of course. But does the child ever think it is the parent who is wrong? No. Children who are burdened with a parent who doesn't see them as extra special or worse, doesn't even love them end up thinking that they are nothing special and not lovable.

None of the praise I got at school, from friends, and from strangers who read my writing ever kissed away the hurt my mother caused me by telling me that I wasn't good enough and that I needed to set my sights much MUCH lower.

I had so many other scars that said I was not pretty, too skinny, and later too fat, that I was a mean horrible person, that I was a fool, that I was laughable, forgettable, and unlovable. And every time I went to her with my heart in my hand and asked 'Am I good enough now, Mom?" and she say "Of course not" those old wounds would reopen and bleed.

Then, when my own daughter was eight and a half, I realized that no mother, no normal mother would tell their child, who dreamed of being a writer, that their childish storytelling was so bad that they should give up now and set their sights on being a secretary.

I had to stop taking my heart to my mother and allowing her to stomp on it to be able to write. I had to see what a crazy f'ed up bitch she is to write.

It is a daily struggle to write. All the scars are still there and I can't tell you if they will ever go away. But, by not subjecting myself to her special brand of evil, I am at least giving myself a chance to heal.

Some days I am happy with my writing. Some days I reread what I wrote and I can just hear my mother's voice in my head laughing at me and telling me I am a fool to even try this.

But mostly I want to try. I don't want to be an old woman and look back on my life and say "I didn't even try to fulfill my life long dream because my mother told me I wasn't good enough." She doesn't get to have that. I am not listening to her anymore.

Spring Fever

2010-03-08T18:02:00.001-08:00

I am ready for spring! Today I went out for a walk with only a long sleeve shirt and hoodie (well I also had pants on... oh, and shoes.) No huge winter coat for me!

I am looking forward to seeing the first crocus buds spring forth, but I may have to wait.

I can feel a big spring cleaning coming on. I keep rearranging all the furniture in my mind. I am prettifying my nest. :)

I repainted the upstairs bathroom but the color is too subdued and now I am thinking I will repaint it a vibrant green.

Zoe has been begging to get back into our roleplaying game, but the idea of focusing my creative energies away from my novel makes me resentful.

I will have hit 100 pages any day now. Pere promised me a celebration. But we have something else to celebrate this week, our anniversary. We will have been together ten years on the 9th!

I love that man of mine!

Homschooling Wednesday

2010-02-24T07:20:00.001-08:00

Math - graphing and multiplying exponents
Math Center - Archimedean Solids

Language Arts - Finally finished Essay Voyage

History - the life of children in 18th Century Virgina

Science - using microscopy, scanning electron microscopes, and x-ray diffraction to see minuscule structures.

Read Aloud - Another version of Prometheus and Pandora which lead to a long discussion about the roots of historical anti-feminism.

Japanese - Katakana and predicting weather

Watching - Xena

Reading - Uncle Tom's Cabin

Piano - practice practice practice

Hebrew School

Just a small town girl

2010-02-23T18:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am feeling grateful for the small town we live in. I am inspired to make a top ten list of things that made me happy today.

1. Living one block from the river. Recently it has been steely gray with white snow banks reflected on the edges. It's poetic.

2. That Pere job downtown is so close that he can come home for lunch everyday.

3. Looking out the window high up in my therapist's office where I can see half the town at the many historic churches, and buildings.

4. That we have a Chocolate Cafe.

5. The girl with pink hair at the Chocolate Cafe. I wanted to say "I love your hair." But she walked by to fast.

6. That we can afford a house that it large enough that we can have a baby grand piano.

7. The 24 hour Poetry Reading Event coming up.

8. Our AWESOME and FREE Math Center downtown.

9. Our Temple that has a young Rabbi and so many friendly congregants.

10. The many smart, interesting, nice people I have the good fortune to meet.

2010-02-22T05:43:00.000-08:00

It's been too long since I last posted. Honestly, I am spending more time on Facebook.

But I need to remember that this blog is also a journal for me, a history of our lives together and a portfolio for Zoe's education. And, with that in mind, I am inspired to post more often.

For Zoe's 9th birthday we gave her the present of sleeping over at the Field Natural History Museum.

There best part was running around the different exhibits all by ourselves. I mean, isn't that something you've always wanted to do? We weren't really in there alone, but in certain places we could pretend we were. The tour of the Egyptian exhibit by flashlight was second best, only because it was a bit crowded. Overall it was great, though next time I would bring an air mattress rather than try to sleep on the hard floor with only a sleeping bag.

Here are just the highlights of what Zoe has been doing in her homeschooling

Math - Life of Fred Algebra and going to the Math Center 3 times a week. Yesterday one of the mom's at the Math Center asked me how old Zoe was and what math curriculum I used and then she complimented Zoe a lot on her math knowledge. One of the projects Zoe is working on at Math Center is writing an explanation of Base 2, 3, 4, 5, etc. for their website. They will also be doing a project on fractional bases.

Language Arts - Zoe has finished the Michael Clay Thompson Voyage series and will be starting the Word Within The Word and Magic Lens series. This is a secondary curriculum for gifted students and one of Zoe's favorite classes. She especially loves the poetry component.

History - Reading about Colonial America. Last week was a perfect storm about Slavery. She was reading about slavery in history, reading excerpts from Abraham Lincoln's speeches in Language Arts, reading Uncle Tom's Cabin in Literature and watched an episode of Hercules about slavery.

Science - I just got a new high school biology book for Zoe. It was written by biochemist Mahlon Hoagland, who discovered transfer RNA.

We talked to some science savvy friends and decided we could skip middle school science now that she is pretty solid in her algebra. We will problem just end up doing Biology, Chemistry and Physics in a loop with more advanced material as we go along.

Literature - Reading Uncle Tom's Cabin. Zoe is loving this literature choice. She says she is excited to be learning so much about slavery and that she really likes how Harriet Beecher Stowe brings the reader into the story. Did you know Uncle Tom's Cabin was the best selling novel of the 19th century? It was the best selling book of that century after the Bible.

Music History - Professor Carol is doing a great job teaching us both about music history. The videos are very interesting, and I really feel like I am learning a lot about music from a cultural perspective. I know Zoe is too.

Japanese - more of the same. This week she is focusing on reading katakana and describing what people look like and what they are wearing.

Reading - Zoe has been really into acting out Shakespeare's plays with her dolls. She spends a lot of her free time doing this, in the afternoon and before bed. Brian and I sometimes do it with her.

I realized that she would get more out of Shakespeare if she was more familiar with the Greek Myths. She has already read D'Aulaire's Greek Myths a few times, that is a great book. But I felt like she needed more. So we started reading Nathanial Hawthorn's Tanglewood Tales, but even that, whilst having excellent vocabulary, was still edited for children. Much of the passion was taken out, which is kind of misleading, in my opinion. For example, the book doesn't mention that Zeus was the white bull that took Europa, nor why.

Bulfinch's Mythology was a little better but still written for children in 1855, so there was censorship of the passionate appetites of the Gods. And hey, the passionate appetites of the Gods is what a lot of the stories are about.

So this weekend I found Gods and Heroes of Ancient Greece, an English Edition from the German author Gustav Schwab. These stories seem to be oriented towards adolescents, at least as far at the content including Zeus's exploits with mortal women.

Zoe is enjoying the Hunger Games and Catching Fire, both by Suzanne Collins. Other books she has read recently are Gregor the Overland and City of Ember. She liked them both.

Mostly though she has been rereading/staging Shakespeare and reading her new Spyology book, which is really cool.

Whew! That is a lot but I am not done yet.

Zoe has a piano competition coming up in two weeks so most of her piano time has been spent getting ready for that.

She also auditioned for and got into a local performing dance troupe. They started rehearsals last week. They perform mostly over the summer, doing over a dozen dances at festivals, charity events, and in small theaters. Zoe is extra excited because one of her good friends from the neighborhood is also in the group.

Zoe also auditioned for a part in Seussical the Musical which is playing downtown South Bend at the Civic Theatre. She got in the Who Chorus and a part as a Fish Lady. But, unfortunately, the Seussical rehearsal times conflicted with her dance group's rehearsal, so she is not doing the play.

She is pretty busy. It can be a struggle to make sure she has enough downtime to just play and be bored and then inventive (because that is often the order of things.)

These days she is homeschooling from 8:30 - 3:30 with an hour and 10 minutes for lunch.

I am keeping busy too. I have been running for seven weeks now. I am up to running for 30 minutes at a stretch. I am really proud of myself because I have been able to keep this up and also because I am enjoying it. I really never thought I would enjoy running but I do. I imagine I will like it even more when I am not running in the snow.

I have also been eating 1200 - 1500 calories a day since the new year. Though I don't really stick to the calorie limits on the weekends. But I don't gorge myself either. But I eat what Pere cooks, which is usually high in calories, or we go out to eat. But I have been losing weight and it makes me happy to be taking care of myself.

My book is going pretty well. Some days I can get five or six pages written. Some days I feel like my writing is crap and no one will want to read it. But, I know I have written some good stuff, so I can keep on editing the parts I am less happy with until I am happy with them. Writing is so much about editing.

I am also reading Mean Mothers by Peg Streep. It is REALLY good. It has made me cry several times and I realize that I am not done with my grief and maybe I never will be. But I guess that is natural. Here is an excerpt from Mean Mothers

Starfish and Poetry

2010-02-10T19:17:00.000-08:00

Zoe started off with some Life of Fred Algebra.
Then she wrote three poems with instructions from the back of the MCTLA poetry book.
Then she read a chapter on the history of New Netherlands aka New York and New Jersey.
She loved dissecting a star fish for science. She was not squeamish at all.
She did her Professor Carol music history homework.
For lunch she watched a British television show called Primeval. It is from the people who did Walking With Dinosaurs. It is fictional but has dinosaurs in it.
Then for Mommy Time she wanted to take turns reading from Midsummer Night's Dream.
Then she read 4 chapters from Uncle Tom's Cabin and did a little narration on it afterwards.
Lastly she spent an hour working on her piano piece for the Stickley competition.
After homeschooling she had her Pet Shop dolls perform Shakespeare's MSND.
and she helped her father make a google site for his music and created a google presentation... for me.

If you are squeamish about dissections don't look below
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2010-02-08T06:12:00.001-08:00

Math - factorials and exponents

Language Arts - Read bit of of U.S. Grant memoirs and looked on a globe the geography around the Aegean Sea, and created a Works Cited page for her DNA essay.

History - the Dutch colony in America. Identifying primary and secondary sources.

Science - Hatching brine shrimp for her microscope. And compared a Zoe hair to a Charlotte hair under the microscope. And looked at a Cicada leg.

Japanese - Describing people using nouns and modifying clauses

Reading - Finished The Minotaur in Nathanial Hawthorn's Tanglewood Tales and began reading Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing

Art - painting

Music History - OnlineG3 Webinar The effects of the printing press on music and the gramophone.

Lightening Literature - Walt Whitman and Voice Thread on Leaves of Grass.

Piano - practicing for Stickley competition.

Zoe's 9th Birthday and Slumber Party

2010-02-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

A salt snowball from the Mojave desert from C.T.

Matching Outfit and clothes for American Girl Rebecca from Grandmere and Grandpere

Mircoscope from Tante Juliet

Look of surprise at the Night at the Museum gift.

Dissection Kit

Cool but ewwww! :)

SLUMBER PARTY

Happy Birthday Zoe!!!

2010-02-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

Just Born

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine!!!

Learning this week

2010-01-26T17:13:00.000-08:00

Math
Platonic Solids- (prisms,dodecahedron, tetrahedron, anti-prisms)
probability
two problem-two variable algebra, and graphing

Language Arts
Online writing seminar through Davidson Young Scholars, informal, formal, first person, third person, second person, and writing great openings.
Wrote poem with two quatrains and a couplet for Neuroscience Poetry Contest
Five paragraph essay on DNA

Science
Researched and wrote a poem on the functions of the Right Brain
Sharks
The science of spending and saving
DNA

Piano
Study several different style pieces.
Castanents by Catherine Rollin (Spanish style)
Ragtime by Christopher Norton (jazz style)
Gavotte by Telemann(a dance)
Arabia by Alexandre Tansman(Arabian flavor)
Sailing by Moonlight by Joan Last

ART
Painted a pastel picture inspired by a piano piece. (inspired by her Sailing by Moonlight piano piece)

Matryoshka dolls

THEATRE
Acted out A Midsummer Night's Dream with her dolls
Watched live performance of Romeo and Juliet by Actors From The London Stage

READING
The Lightning Thief (again, with Pere)
Tanglewood Tales - Nathanial Hawthorne (with Mere)
Midsummer's Night Dream
Greek Myths (by D'Aulaire - again)
Starting City of Ember, Gregor the Overlander, and The Boggart.

Ballet and Tap dance class
Hebrew and Japanese lessons

MISC.
Baked banana bread with Pere
Played Quiddler, and Quelf with Mere
Watching Dr. Who
Chatting online and emailing with friends

Technology Rocks!

2010-01-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

So I live in a small town and the gifted population is rather smaller than was I could avail myself to in Los Angeles.

I have been able to stay connected with my friends back in Los Angeles and new friends I have made through national gifted organizations via blogs, online bulletin boards and groups, Facebook, Instant Messenger, and Skype. I like those as well a as a phone call.

Zoe really enjoys participating with her friends in her online classes and forums, chatting online, emailing, and Skype playdates.

Now if only we could invent the teleportation machine...

outpouring

2010-01-21T14:47:00.000-08:00

Zoe has been writing poetry all week. In her Lightening Lit class she is studying Shakespeare's Sonnets and she wrote a rather nice sonnet yesterday.

She is also taking an online class with Michael Clay Thompson this week. She is really enjoying it. He is really teaching them to think about poetry, to listen to the sound, think about the choices the poet makes.

She has written at least two poems a day in that class. She likes the assignments MCT is giving her.

Then, this afternoon is wrote a piano song and recorded it on Garage Band.

MLK Day

2010-01-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

We didn't take a break today. We worked on some projects. Zoe started on a five paragraph essay about DNA. She attended an online seminar about poetry with Michael Clay Thompson. (She is a huge fan and MCT is a celebrity in her world.)

We watched two really good episodes of Dr. Who, including Blink. We played Quelf. And I worked on my book while she played some fairy game online.

We listened to some news and talked about MLK, though not as much as we did last year when we watched his speech and did a whole unit on it.

Week End

2010-01-17T17:08:00.001-08:00

We had a good weekend.

Friday night we took Zoe and her friend out to dinner, then the girls came back and played and Pere and I watched a DVD.

Saturday Zoe and her friend had dance class. Then the friend came back over for a play date. In the evening we went to a neighbors house for a chili party.

Today Zoe had Sunday school and then in the afternoon Brian and I went to see Lovely Bones, which we both thought was good.

I am pretty happy with my progress this new year. I have been trying to keep under 1500 calories a day and work out 3 days a week. I'm doing a running program called Couch to 5K. So far so good to both of my goals.

My third goal is about my writing and I have been doing well on that too. I am really happy with my book. I wish I could spend more time writing than I get to. But, all in good time.

homeschool today

2010-01-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

Math - Algebra word problems
Language Arts - New vocabulary words and a test
History - The Puritans, Anne Hutchinson, Mary Dyer and the Quakers
Science - Sudoku - she solved her first real sudoku and kakuro puzzles
Japanese - more Kanji, getting ready for a big kanjo test
Art - Painted clay model figures
Read Aloud - Poetry by Ralph Waldo Emerson - The Sphinx, A Letter, and Each and All - discussed rhyme scheme, metaphor, simile and meaning. Added vocabulary words Benison ad Cumber.
Lightning Lit
Piano - she really loves her Ragtime piece.

Actual lecture I just gave Z

2010-01-11T11:38:00.001-08:00

Zoe, life isn't always going to come to you easily. Sometimes it is going to be frustrating and difficult.

Right now you are not just practicing piano. You are practicing how you are going to deal with things that are frustrating. You are practicing for real life. One day you are going to have a child and they are going to be frustrating and huffing and crying and getting yourself even more worked up is not going to help the situation.

Someday you will have a job and it might get frustrating and the frustration might not go away quickly. So you are going to have to learn how to deal with it. You are training right now for that day.

So, think about who you want to be. Think, who is Zoe and how does she handle things when they don't go well or when they are difficult. Think about the person you want to be. Feel it inside you.

Now, when you are ready, start the piece again. And if you can't get the piano piece right, you can feel still feel good because you are also practicing becoming the person you want to be.

Happy Birthday Pere

2010-01-11T06:27:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Pere's birthday last week. He got presents for his main two hobbies, music and cooking.

Zoe started doing dance again. I wanted her to take a break from gymnastics and try something else for awhile. This new dance school as a performing dance group that she can audition for. She is looking forward to doing that.

Last week was also our first week of school for the new year (that went well!) and my first week back running for the Couch to 5K program. I also got very close to hitting my goal of writing for 4 hours a day. I fell a little short do to a banking error that had me on the phone for hours over two days.

Snowing Again

2010-01-11T05:53:00.000-08:00

This is what it looks like outside already. And it is snowing again. The snowflakes are falling slowly. It's beautiful.

Tuesday and Wednesday

2010-01-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

Math - Algebra word problems
L.A. - Vocabulary test, Correct Essay Structure, George Orwell and Thomas Paine
Writing a essay on wordiness.
History - Puritans, the Massachusetts School Laws, education in Puritan settlements, and blue laws
History test - miss two about the Mayflower Compact so we went back and studied it more.
Music - Trills, connecting octaves, super drill, Arthur Rubenstein and Picasso, repertoire
Science - Einstein, George Washionton Carver, Problem Solving, Mazes, Patterns, the theory of multiple intelligences and logic.
Japanese - Kanji Test (100%) and more Kanji
Literature - Symbolism in The Christmas Carol and the Hobbit, Lightening Lit webinar
Lafcadio Hearn - Reflections, video, vocabulary and lesson on symbolism
Lunch - Dr. Who and Looney Tunes
Reading - Little Women
Read Aloud - Poetry - Robert Burns, Lord Byron
Hebrew
Mommy Time - Little Big Planet

the last decade 00 - 09

2010-01-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

New Years Eve '00 - I spent it with friends at Pere's house. We weren't dating yet but by March we were together.

In 2001 Pere and I were living in Virginia. I was doing copy writing and tech writing. I gave up my job to become a stay-at-home mom when we had our miracle baby, our precious Zoe.

In 2002 we were living in Los Angeles. Over the next six years we lived in the city, by the beach in Oxnard, on the grounds of what used to be the Camarillo State Mental Asylum (now it is a University), and in The Valley.

In 2003 and 2004 we lived a block from the beach and on a water channel and Zoe and I spent many afternoons watching the sunset over the water. The pace was slow and the living was easy.

2003 was when I found Hoagies Gifted and realized what my problem was. ;)

Summer of 04 I bought the bookstore and named it Book Nation. Do you remember it Wendy? Did I still have the bookstore when we met?

Zoe tried out a year of preK and really liked it. Except for that mean faced girl... That was her only foray into a school setting. It wasn't one of those academic preschools but one where they sing songs and bake and take nature walks, etc.

In 2005 I got Zoe tested, we were thinking about sending her a the school for Highly Gifted children. The tester recommended her for Davidson and we realized that school wasn't going to be a good fit.

I also sold the bookstore in 2005. When I was working I felt like I was a bad mom and when I was with Zoe I felt like I was not getting enough work down. I realized that having a start up retail store that is open 7 days a week and trying to homeschool a PG four year old was more than I could handle.

2006 we moved to The Valley and made a lot of new friends. We went to our first Davidson Gathering and made even more wonderful friends. Zoe turned five and I started blogging.

I finished Nanowrimo and wrote my first book!

The highlight of 2006 was vacationing in Paris and Antibe, France. It was the trip of a lifetime!

Zoe started acting and by Jan 07 she had been in 2 commericals, a print ad and two voice overs.

2007 we moved again, this time to the Midwest. We bought a beautiful house in a historic neighborhood, one block away from my mother to the west of me and one block away from my older sister to the east. A couple months later my oldest niece and her son came to live in our little Midwest town too.

With my mother's help I made our first Halloween party. We celebrated Thanksgiving at our house and I had my mother, father, sister, BIL, two nephews and several other family members filling up my new big dining room. That Thanksgiving was also our first snow.

07 was the first Christmas with my family altogether. But already the cracks were starting to show.

In 2008 my mother wouldn't stay in town to celebrate Zoe's birthday. In May, on Mother's Day in fact I remember sobbing in the shower and wondering why, Why, WHY did I ever move to live near my family. Mother's Day is when it all started to go bad, and it went bad very quickly.

In September I confronted my mother (first time in my life) and was painfully punished for stepping out of line.

September 08 - July 09 - Those 11 months were very dark times but I was changing for the better almost everyday. It was struggle. It still is. But I have become much more the person I want to be.

I went No Contact with my mom when she left town Nov '08. I broke No Contact a few times since then. No Contact has lead to me not being able to talk to or see my step-father. One casualty I should have predicted. My mother is the gatekeeper. Since then I have also gone No Contact with my sister.

The official decision for total NC came in the summer of '09 and by that time I had worked through most of my situational depression. I realized at some point that I was able to stop obsessively thinking about them and start thinking about my future.

In 2009 I started writing the novel that I have been developing since 2003. I started running. I started protecting my time and my feelings. I stopped having time and patience and endless amounts of understanding and forgiveness for people that just weren't going to change.

Fall of 2009 I was finding my happy self again. I, not only came out from under a cloud of grief over losing my mother, I also came out from the cloudy thinking she had oppressed me under for 36 years. I saw that I was lovable and realized the goals I had gone to therapy for.

So 2010... On New Years Eve I was driving to Chicago and thinking. Thinking, that is what I always do. I am always analyzing, picking apart, wondering, theorizing, predicting, and fixing. I ask a lot of questions and diligently find the answers.

But I realized one thing I rarely ask is "What do I want?" Really, I don't. I ask "How should this be? 'What would make this better? "What is the right thing to do?" "What do I believe about this and given that what is my next step?" and "Why would someone do something like that?"

But I never ask the simple question 'What do I want?" And it is simple. At least the answer is.

What do I want?

I want to love my husband. I want to treat him well so that he knows I love him.
I want to spend time with my daughter and give her a joyful childhood. I want to share life with her while I still can.
I want to spend time with good people.
I want alone time to write my book.

When I ask that question and listen to the answer I find that things can be much simpler than I have ever allowed them to be.

So, my resolution is to remember to ask myself what I want. It is such a simple question. I am kind of shocked I never really thought to ask myself that before. It is simple question but it is a big one.

And it is still snowing!

2010-01-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

2009 Year in Review

2009-12-29T16:40:00.000-08:00

A long but not exhaustive list of our doings and learnings in 2009
Zoe
Music
Achievement in Music Test - Got the highest score you can get
Choir concerts - June, September moved up to Concert Choir
Piano Recitals - April - August - October
Started with new piano teacher - Nov
Mary Poppins musical
Talet show - solffeggeito
Sang and modeled at Asian Festival

Languages
Started Hebrew School
Japanese - moved up to year two college text

Physical Education
Promoted twice in Gymnasics

New
OnlineG3 for Lightening Literature
Continue the Story and Mini-World
First role-playing game

Saw
The Miracle Worker and asked a question of Sean Astin
Star Trek original series and all the movies
Children's Film Festival
Native American Pow Wow
Folkloric Dancers
Shakespeare Festival
Farscape (censored for content)
Firefly (censored for content)

The Language Arts - some of the things she learned with Michael Clay Thompson

Poetry- simile, metaphor, rhyme, end rhyme, internal rhyme, eye, rhyme, masculine rhyme, feminine rhyme, near rhyme, end stopped and end jambed, iamb, trochee, personification, dactyl, anapest, spondee,

The 5 paragraph essay, formal writing, sentence diagramming, mood and tone, show, not tell

Vocabulary - placate, retort, benevolent, importune, tacit, sanguine, mortify, ignominy, verdure, orthodox, ostentatious, inexorable, obsequious, and equivocal.

Latin stems - vita, paterm pop mar, luc, tempor, curr, migr, plu, germ, rupt, junct, amat, stell, tang, clam, medi, grat, trans

Literature - Lightning Lit with OnlineG3
G.K. Chesterton, Issac Singer, Robert Louis Stevenson, Nathanial Hawthorne, Charles Dickens, Gerald Durrell, J.R.R. Tolkien, and lots of poetry

Wrote a book called The Two Stars

Reading - Treasure Island, A Day of Pleasure by Issac Singer, Wakefield by Nathaniel Hawthorne, A Christmas Carol, My family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell, The Hobbit, Julie of the Wolves, From the Mixed-up files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Westing Game, The Moffats, The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey, Swallows and Amazons and Peter Duck, The Name of this book is Secret and If you're reading this its too late, the Percy Jackson series, Anastasia Krupnik, The Children of the Green Knowe, Five Children and It, The Sword Thief, Odd and the Frost Giants, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables

Social Studies
History - Ice Age in the Americas, Inuit, Anasazi, potlatches, Plains indians, The Mound-Builders, The Indians of the Eastern Forests, Iroquois, Vikings in America, Gutenberg's printing press, Christopher Columbus, Zheng He, Vasco Nunez de Balboa, Mesoamerica, Conquistadors, Cortez, Aztecs, Incas, Coronado, Queen Elizabeth, Roanoke, Sir, Francis Drake, Protestant and Catholic religion, Martin Luther, Jamestown, Caesar's Rome, Attended seminar on history of Panama and Costa Rica
Culture - Aruba, Panama, Costa Rica, Columbia, Mexico, Australia
Geography - Kentucky, Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, the 50 nifty United States, map skills, Caribbean
Research report on the endangered koala
Traveled through the Panama Canal

Science
Water Cycle, humidity, states of matter, freezing point, boiling point, melting, condensation, evaporation, plant reproductive cycle, developing a hypothesis, measuring data, writing a lab report, the scientific method, chromosomes, DNA, RNA, Ethics in genetic modification,
Critical thinking, energy sources, solar energy, Industrial Revolution, the nervous system - autonomic/somatic, meiosis, eukaryote, prokaryote, four phases of mitosis, passive transport, genetics, solstice and equinox, Brain (and nerves, neurons, sight sound, taste and smell), digestive system, 6 kingdoms, Thomas Edison, extremophiles, types of rocks, mineral identification, crystals, space, photosynthesis, respiratory system, cellular respiration,

Math
Summer Math Academy - Solved Rubix cubes, Origami, base 5, base 2, binary calculator,
Math Center - two math presentations: Fractals and Binary
Singapore Math (decimals, percentages, angles, average and rate, data analysis, geometry, measurement, )
Go Figure,
Life of Fred Beginning Algebra- (numbers and sets, integers, equations, motion and mixture

Technology
Voice Threads, Glogger, Xtimeline, Eluminate, Garage Band

Art
Space, line texture, form,shading, value, local value

Other
Asked the four questions at our Passover Seder
Shooting an air rifle
How to whittle with a knife
How to make soup out of a can
Got a new bicycle
Open Book Festival volunteer
Met Mary Jo a.k.a. Mrs. Puff from Spongebob
Astronaut theme birthday party

Pere:
Was accepted into Notre Dame MBA program
Wrote 5 songs
Learned to bake bread
Won singing competition on cruise
Attended seminar on MBTI
Attended seminar on history of Columbia, Panama, Costa Rica
Successful year at work

Mere:
Hosted niece's graduation party, Passover, Halloween Party, Astronaut theme birthday party
Started writing novel
Painted the castle lavender
Researched Myers Brigg Type Indicator, INTJ, HSP, Dabraowski's theory of Positive Disintegration, Dabrowski's overexcitabilities, Introversion, Gifted Women, Dreams,
Blogged
Attended seminar on MBTI
Attended seminar on history of Panama and Costa Rica
Volunteered as a Wild Thing for the Open Book Festival
Happy year homeschooling Zoe

All of us.
Travels
Florida - Kennedy Space Center, Los Angeles
Shedd Aquarium in Chicago
South Bend Zoo
Tubing down Turkey Creek River
Lake Michigan Beach
Cruise - Arbuba, Cartegena, Columbia, Panama Canal, Panama, Costa Rica, Hayltaco Mexica, Alcapulco Mexico, and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico - Saw howler monkeys, iguanas, crocodiles and a Coati on Jungle River Raft in Costa Rica
Jet Skied through Lands End in Mexico
Harry Potter exhibit in Chicago
Informal Davidson Gathering in Chicago

Got a baby grand piano
Planted a Hemlock Tree
Finished Zoe's castle

Avatar and Sherlock Holmes reviews without spoilers

2009-12-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

We don't celebrate Christmas. So this year it is a nice four day weekend for Pere.

We saw Avatar on Thursday and Sherlock Holmes on Friday.

Avatar was worth seeing. It was very beautiful. We saw it in 3D which I was worried about at first because 3D usually gives me a headache. But this 3D was really clean and really good. Almost every scene was 3D, but not really "in your face."

The story of Avatar was only okay. Nothing new or original, no new ground broken. But you can say that about a lot of enjoyable movies. It is too bad that James Cameron didn't give us a storyline as elevated as the visuals.

Friday we went to see Sherlock Holmes. I am such a fanboy! I have read all the original Sir Conan Doyle stories more than once (and now I want to read them again.) I love Holmes. And this movie made me love Watson even more. Watson was always capable of being played like Jude Law did it, it is in the television and movie versions that we get a comic relief Watson. But in the books he was always a capable guy and into the ladies.

Sherlock was pretty crazy, according to Watson, and I loved the way Robert Downey Jr played him. He showed Sherlock as a genius that is close to madness, his bad ass skills with fighting and detecting (yes Sherlock did now boxing, sword fighting, etc) and my favorite was showing his confusion in trying to deal with feelings.. RD jr. did a really good job with that, it was all in his eyes.

The villain, Lord Blackwood, was not atypical for a Sherlock Holmes story but I really wasn't that worried about him.

Sherlock Holmes was also a very visually attractive film, the dark streets and waterways of London were like Gothic paintings in some scenes. The fights scenes were visceral and easily navigable by the eye (in so many movies these days you can't realy tell what is happening during fight scenes.)

I like S.H. more than Avatar, but that could be because I am such a fan of the former.

Winter Traditions - Wishes and Candle Light

2009-12-21T18:04:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we made a Wishing Tree out of my seasonal tree

I made cards tied with ribbons to write the wishes on with glitter pens

Here are our first wishes

Today for Winter Solstice, at sunset, I lit candles all over the house and turned out all the lights.

We ate dinner by candlelight, we lingered and told lots of jokes. We played games, then Zoe went to bed with a candle.

Merry Solstice!

Zoe's bedroom

2009-12-20T14:37:00.001-08:00

Zoe and I cleaned her bedroom today. She did most of the work.

She has so many treasures.

This room really shows her personality.

She has collected many little things over the years; erasers, penguins, Hello Kitties, masks, and more.

She was so happy with how clean it is that she wanted me to take a picture of her.

Then she just got silly. :)

She's a happy girl. :)

Peeps

2009-12-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

I had some good times with my peeps this week.

I had a long phone call with my bf in SoCal.

I spent too much time with my girlfriends on Facebook LMAO at pictures from Regretsy, Engrish and People of Walmart. *ouch!*

I got drunk on too much caffeine in the form of Boba tea talked about... way too much stuff.

I shared commiserating emails with my S.B. bf that moved all the way to Washington.

I set up dates with our fabulous Fort Wayne peeps and maybe one with the Naperville folks.

It can be hard to have most of my friends living so far away. Thank god for the internet.

My plan, art and math

2009-12-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

I always wanted Zoe to be well educated. I planned for her education to be deep and high. I wanted her to be challenged because meeting challenges or even attempting to, help us grow.

I wanted her to have a liberal education, one not defined by her interests and her own narrow knowledge of what there is to learn. I believe in the value of standing on the shoulders of giants.

Her disinterest in a subject would be a challenge to me to find a way to change her mind. I wanted her to see for herself the worth of what she is learning and to be intrinsically motivated to be a scholar, and to make curiosity and learning a habit.

I believe in her. There is really no question that she is capable of all this. I know because she continuously surprises me by being more capable that I assumed.

I have to wonder if she is falling in line with my vision of an education or if, over the years, it grew organically based on Zoe's own inclinations.

In any case I am really happy with how our homeschooling is going.

I am so grateful for all the great enrichment opportunities our small town offers. Zoe and I are both excited about my recent find of the art studio classes. It's not your normal child's art lessons. The studio is open every afternoon and evening. The kids are encouraged to spend the beginning of the session doing whatever they want. Then they have a two or three projects with the artist, it is very informal - more like a round table, with ideas being passed around, time for chatting about artists, artistic styles, and seeing the world through the eyes of an artist.

The first time we went it was a slow night and there were just two boys there, they were around 10 or 11. It gave me a quiet joy for Zoe to spend time with some thoughtful artistic boys. For awhile her only experience with boys has been Chase, and War with Spears at homeschool park day.

At Math Center Zoe works our with other girls and women. And I am happy for that. I really appreciate her seeing for herself that woman can be good at and enjoy math. She doesn't experience any of the peer pressure or taunting she might experience at a traditional school for being a "math geek" because, at Math Center, being a Math Geek is super cool.

I think there are even more females that males at Math Center, so the boys and men Zoe does interact with, don't see her as a strange beast, a lone female in a man's world. So it is good for them too.

And I think it is good for the teachers and tutors to see this pretty little eight year old girl be the best in her age group (ages 8 - 11). Because I think they underestimated her at first, she didn't look the part.

The art instruction looks good, the math projects at Math Center are good, but the social aspects, the less tangible lessons that Zoe is learning, are teaching her very important things as well.

I will write more later. This post is already getting long.

enRICHment

2009-12-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

Today we watched our first episode of the Professor Carol Music History program. I thought it was really good. The whole family discussed topics, even hours after we watched it. I think that's a good sign. :)

Z also dropped in on a two hour art class at an art studio this evening. She made five pictures and discussed, informally, Escher and Dali with the teacher and other students. Zoe wants to make it a weekly thing.

We are thinking of having her take a break from gymnastics and try dance again, specifically ballet and tap. This studio has a performing group that dances at festivals, for charity and sporting events and retirement homes and hospitals. I think that Zoe would really like it. We shall see.

Today there was also:

Math - Life of Fred
Language Arts - Caesar's Vocabulary
History - Making a timeline of the Jamestown settlement in Xtimeline.com
Science -Read about how the eye works
Reading - Little Women
Lightning Literature - all her homework for Chapters one and 2 of the Christmas Carol

Math Presentation

2009-12-14T04:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Zoe had her math presentation at the math center. She made a poster and did a speech on a binary calculator she made. The yellow poster is hers. She did a really good job on her speech. She didn't have it memorized this year but she told me after that she "strayed from the script because she wanted to sound more natural." *grin*

Zoe's poster had a lot of writing on it.

Here is a close up of a part in her own handwriting

Some of the kids who had worked on a community project presented their findings. One of the older kids is thinking about continuing their research on making a viable and fair three sided cylindrical die and publishing the findings.

The community project was really cool! Zoe worked with adult mathematicians in the community, learned what a conjecture was, learned proper methodology for testing their conjectures, and more.

We love Math Center!

Yesterday was a busy day. Besides the presentation Zoe also sang with her Sunday School class at a retirement home (I don't have pictures because I wasn't there.) She also had a birthday party to go to. She left the house at 9:30 in the morning and didn't get home until 4:30! But she had a lot of fun.

Hanukkah

2009-12-12T18:18:00.001-08:00

We are having a very relaxing Hanukkah this year. Yesterday I took down the fall decorations and decorated our seasonal table and tree with winter decorations.

We had a nice Hanukkah dinner. We lit the menorah and the Shabbat candles and then, because Hanukkah is the festival of lights, I lit a lot more candles and we ate some of dinner by candle light.

Pere and Zoe surprised me with a Tauntaun sleeping bag. As if you needed any more evidence that I am a nerdy girl. I LOVE it!

For the first night we got Zoe a REALLY fun game called Quelf

It reminds me most of Crainium Wow! There is trivia, acting out, stunts, writing poetry, singing, etc. We had a blast playing it. Please check this game out. I highly recommend it. (Oh yeah, it has won lots of awards too.)

Pere, our Music Man, is getting an electric guitar. He picked it out today but it hasn't arrived yet. It's a Agile AL-2000 solid body electric.

Today, Saturday, we went to Woodwind and Brass. Pere looked at guitars. Zoe went into the drum room and rocked out. Now she has asked for a drum set for her birthday in Feb. She says she doesn't want lessons, she just wants to "hit it."

For second night we got Zoe Monsterology. It is all about mythical beasts.

Right now Pere and I are enjoying a Arrogant Bastard and watching Lakers vs Utah. I made Pere turn the heat down so I can be inside my tauntaun. :)

Trivia, Newlywed Game and Karaoke

2009-12-10T11:05:00.001-08:00

At some point, maybe our second day at sea (we were at sea 7 days out of 14,) I realized that the cruise ship was a microcosm of the world in general and that I could see, specifically, a view of giftedness.

The days we were at sea there wasn't much to do. I could only watch Zoe swim in the pool for so long. So, between eating, eating and eating we found ourselves attending almost every trivia session, most of the other games like Pictionary and Taboo, and doing Karaoke.

The trivia and games were most illustrative regarding attitudes towards gifted adults. Pere, Tante Juliet and I are all gifted and, with Zoe, the four of us formed a team together most days. Sometimes Grandmere and Grandpere or Mrs. Puff joined us.

(Mary Jo, who does the voice of Mrs. Puff on Spongebob Squarepants and acted in many tv, movie and Broadway productions, and her sister Pat were often our team mates for morning trivia)

We did not win at trivia every time. But early on, maybe our third day at sea, we won all four games played that day so we got a reputation early on. We weren't that great at trivia. Overall we only won trivia about 4 times. But we won all the other non-trivia games. We got so many prizes! We gave some away but still came home with 12 hats, 8 recyclable shopping bags, 6 canvas bags, 4 gold medals, 15 passport wallets, 9 decks of cards, and three bottles of champagne (one for having the best team name "The No-Brainers", one for Pere and I winning The Newlywed and Not So Newlywed Games and one for Pere winning the Pop Star singing contest.)

Some people treated us pretty shabbily for winning. One accused us of cheating. One argued with the Cruise Director angrily after he awarded us points and not them. Some glared. Some were a bit too happy when we didn't win.

And, most of the games we were at a disadvantage. Teams were allowed six people and usually we only had Pere, Tante Juliet and me to answer, as Zoe doesn't really know anything that we don't know.

I was bothered at first by the reactions. That was when I first started thinking about the cruise as a microcosm for the worlds attitudes towards gifted people. It was interesting to see it that way. It made me uncomfortable and Pere and I both felt like we should sit out games because when we won we often won by a lot and it was kind of embarrassing.

But then there was karaoke. Pere is a very good singer, he used to sing in an acappella group. His sister Juliet also has a very pretty soprano voice. But Zoe was the star. She sung at every karaoke - she sung The Beatles, lots of Queen, Fergie, Wham, Duran Duran, Nickleback, and once from Mary Poppins. She became really famous on the ship of 3000 people. Everyone knew her name, people clapped when she went by, they asked her to sing, everyone talked to her and complimented her. Our waiters would play with her all throughout dinner, making up riddles, drawing pictures, doing magic tricks, etc.

(Zoe and cruise director Nat)

One of the cruise directors really loved her. He would come to watch her sing even if his shift was over. He did a duet of Heart and Soul with her at the piano bar. On our last day he brought her a gift of candy and on the last night he slipped me a personal note telling me how much it meant to him that our family was on board.

(Zoe and cruise director Andrew)

Tante Juliet and Pere also got famous for singing karaoke and also getting into the finals of the on board Pop Star singing contest. Pere won with a great rendition of Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. He was fantastic!

So, what I noticed was that people loved our family for our (not my!) singing talents. And, eventually, we did get positive comments about our winning so many of the games. People said we were "so smart", "geniuses," "really in tune with each other" etc. And I started to notice that it was only a handful of people that had bad attitudes and they were all the really competitive people, who were not able to be gracious losers.

At first I let their bad attitude make me feel grumpy. But, as time went on, I saw that just as many people had complimentary things to say. I think it helped that we were good sports who always clapped loudly for our competitors and never grumbled when we lost.

I have to say there were other really smart people on board, there were two other teams that won at trivia more than we did. They knew really obscure stuff about cricket and flags. I am not a huge fan of trivia but now Zoe is addicted and she wants to have neighborhood trivia parties. :P

Zoe had a great time, of course. I didn't really appreciate the days at sea until late in the trip after we had made friends and I realized we wouldn't see them again. My favorites were our shore excursions at Costa Rica (river rafting) and in Cabo (we rented a waverunner for all three of us.)

2009 Cruise in pictures

2009-12-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

The Coral Princess - it's HUGE!

Our first stop was Aruba

The buildings in Arbua are painted very vividly.

Our next stop was Cartegena, Columbia. This is the huge fort.

A lot of Cartegena looks like this.

The old town of Cartegena was very beautiful.

Faces of Cartegena

Going through the Panama Canal

Lighthouse in the Jungle

In Costa Rica we went on a river rafting tour where we got really wet. I didn't bring my camera. So these pictures of animals I saw in Costa Rica are NOT MINE.
Crocodiles

a Coati (in the raccoon family)

over a dozen Howler monkeys

many Large iguanas

and dozens of large beautiful birds. This is a boat-billed heron.

A show we saw in Mexico of traditional dancers.

Zoe playing on the beach in Cabo San Lucas.

We saw lots of Sea Lions when we went out on the wave runner.

Cabo was our last stop.

Lands End

The Talent Show!

Tante Juliet at Princess Pop Star.

The Winner of the Pop Star Show! (That's Pere. He was awesome!)

Tuesday Homeschooling

2009-11-17T06:27:00.000-08:00

Math - solving for X

Language Arts; Caesar's English - Impassive, obsequious, ignominy, acquiescent, and impending.

Here is a sentence she wrote using her vocabulary words.

Time, like an impassive eagle, followed, worrying and impending over us.

History - xtimeline of Jamestown

Science - reading biography of genius polymath Thomas Jefferson. This website, A Day in the Life of Thomas Jefferson, is a really interesting read.

Mommy Time - She read tongue twisters to me while I picked out her clothes for our upcoming trip.

Read Aloud - We each read four poems
I read:
Chicago by Carl Sandberg
Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
excerpts from The Black Rider by Stephen Crane

Zoe read
Dirge of Love by Shakespeare
A Land Dirge by John Webster
Morning Song of Senlin by Conrad Aiken
South End by Conrad Aiken

Art - Zoe did three pieces. She scribbled with chalk with her eyes closed, first with her right hand, then her left hand and then both hands at the same time. Then she looked at each piece to find a picture in the scribbles, then she outlined the pictures so we could see them. She named the pieces and described them.

We took Charlotte and Zoe to play in the woods today

2009-11-14T17:05:00.000-08:00

Homeschooling

2009-11-11T11:42:00.001-08:00

Zoe is really loving her Life of Fred Beginning Algebra book. She is doing really well at it too. We had a few mix-ups with multiplying a negative by a negative. But otherwise her only mistakes are those inevitable errors of carelessness. (I am assuming my child is not the only one to write down the wrong numbers or equation signs)

For Language Arts she was supposed to write an Epic Simile but ended up misunderstanding my instructions and she just wrote a poem made of several similes.

The noise we make is like a siren
blaring out across the horizon,
screaming, shouting all along,
singing out a familiar song,
like an ambulance emitting a blare,
our poor voices we did not spare.

As if we were a cattle stampede,
running about, taking no heed.
And when at last it is time to go,
We shout in unison, "Oh, please no!"
And like a horse around we run,
play on the rings, and have merry fun.

Then, as if traversing placid Rome,
the wild adventurers then go home.

For history we are studying Jamestown and I found this fun online interactive website for it. - On The Trail of Captain John Smith

Yesterday she made this model of a DNA double helix from her esciencelabs kit.

Today we were inspired by a new science book we are supplementing with, How To Be a Genius - your brain and how to train it. The title is misleading. it is not really about being a genius. It is a science book about the brain. We decided to take a detour from our Singapore Science book to read it because Zoe wants to enter into the 2010 NEUROSCIENCE FOR KIDS POETRY WRITING CONTEST.

Today we were inspired to paint a Network of Nerves.

Like how we are tying science to both art and poetry. ;)

For Literature Zoe is reading The Hobbit. As I read this is she is singing the dwarves song about the Misty Mountains.

She also just started Little Women. I can't wait to see how she likes it!! She was extra excited when I told her that Louisa was taught some writing by Emerson and Thoreau.

For Read Aloud time I made up a new game, each time we read poetry from a different letter of the alphabet. We choose a poem where either the first or last name of the poet or the title of the poem begins with the letter of that day. Then we take turns reading the poem we chose aloud. Today the favorite for us both was The Flesh and The Spirit by Anne Bradstreet

Now that we have finished reading Treasure Island we are watching a movie version of it. From my reading I found that a made for television version, with a young Christian Bale as Jim Hawkins and Charleston Heston as Long John Silver, was considered very good. They didn't have it on Netflix but I found what looks like the entire movie, broken up into 10 minute portions, on youtube. It is very good! Zoe doesn't know but I have Muppet Treasure Island on the way from Netflix. It is hardly like the book but who can pass up Kermit as Captain Smollet?? Not I! Or is that Not Aye!

Last week we read The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner and then, for fun, we listened to the Iron Maiden version of the song. I am a big Maiden fan and I have got Zoe hooked. She appreciates that they write songs a books and poems and myths and historical events. RotAM is a really long song, 13 minutes! Still that is short compared to the poem. :P

Hmmmm... what else? Well maybe another day I'll write about Japanese, her new piano teacher, gymnastics, choir, math academy, and Hebrew. This post is too long already!

Good News

2009-11-09T12:53:00.000-08:00

We found a new piano teacher. In the small world of South Bend some meetings seem serendipitous. This fellow is known to several people that I hold in high regard musically, including a family with a profoundly gifted musical prodigy.

He seems very excited about Zoe. She had a state wide evaluation Saturday. She scored "excellent" on Theory. I don't know exactly what that means but Zoe thinks she got all of the questions on the written portion correct. She was being evaluated at Level 4, which is supposed to be for advanced 12 year old students. We are still waiting to hear how she did on the performance piece.

Her new teacher called the day of to offer her encouragement and then called the next day to see how she did. Then, today, at her lesson he gave her an extra fifteen minutes because he was so excited about what they were working on.

He has an impressive background in music and seems, not only, capable of taking Zoe to the next level in her music but also excited to do so. :)

We are still trying him out for a couple weeks before we make the decision to leave her current teacher. But my mind is pretty made up.

I feel lucky that my musically connected friends helped me find him so quickly.

Zoe pictures (and a cell)

2009-11-03T05:29:00.000-08:00

Playing dress up with MC

Watching t.v. before choir

A model of a cell

In her new dress that she got from her Grandmere. Zoe still has her Zombie make-up on her cheeks.

Another beautiful formal dress from Grandmere for the cruise.

Halloween!

2009-11-03T05:01:00.000-08:00

We had our third annual Halloween party Friday night. I went with a Zombie theme this year. I handmade the invitations with gray paper and black lace. This was the cover:

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the THRILLER

On the inside I invited people to a Zombie Jamboree

You'll recognize the walking dead
by their pale skin, moaning,
shambling and hunger
for your B R A I N S !!!

Come as you are
or Zombify yourself.

I am happy to say that several of the guests came as Zombies. Zoe was a zombie astronaut, Pere had a spike through his head and I was a Zombie doctor.

We got the front yard ready a week earlier to get the neighborhood excited.

We had out scary graveyard out front.

Each room had a different theme, getting scarier as you went through them. This is the spider hatchery. There were two large spider sacks and about ten big spiders and hundreds of little ones.

In the dining room we had the Zombie Feast. We served deep fried toes, putrid fingers, spicy eyeballs, etc.

I totally forgot to take pictures of the rest but in the basement we had a tunnel of terror which was the favorite for the kids. And we had the mad scientist's laboratory where the Zombie Virus was created, as well as the Zombie Nursery (yes, zombified baby dolls)

My nephew and his friend would have won the costume contest. I LOVED their homemade muppet costumes.

For Halloween proper Zoe went as a "classic" vampire. She felt like she had gone as non-scary characters (Sailor Moon, Robin Hood, Princess, and Hermione) for so long that now she wanted to have a classic costume.

In the afternoon I worked at the neighborhood Halloween party.

I ran the sack races. Zoe must have raced about 30 times!

Some of the boys started a football game.

Zoe went trick or treating with her neighborhood friend. They were vampire sisters.

Halloween was fun! Now I just need to avoid the candy.

I'm unsure

2009-10-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

Saturday Zoe had a recital at the home of her piano teacher. Honestly, I felt kind of weird afterward. Zoe's piano piece was SOOO much more advanced than the other performers. This was a recital for all the kids, more than half were older, mostly middle school kids.

Zoe played last and then there was a pizza party. During her piece and after there was a weird tension in the group. We were all sitting in this room in a circle around the piano and harp.So I could see the facial expressions and body language of all the families. And I got a weird vibe. Like there was some hostility. Not directed towards Zoe overtly, just a general depression of satisfaction from the other parents.

Back in Los Angeles, Zoe was a top student with a top teacher in a big city. The piece she played Saturday was not that much harder than the hardest piece she learned when she was five and studying under that Russian teacher in L.A.. When we moved to a small town in the Midwest I figured it was okay for Zoe to not take piano so seriously for awhile. Her teacher in L.A. was always pushing it to be the main thing in Zoe's life, she didn't really understand that Zoe was gifted in lots of areas and that piano wasn't her one big thing.

With her old teacher back in L.A. Zoe was the most talented for her age but there were a couple of students with the same type of talent who were older. These were other PG kids. So recitals weren't so obviously lop-sided.

The lopsidedness of the recital on Saturday actually made me uncomfortable and now I am thinking that maybe Zoe needs a different piano/voice teacher. Is that a strange reaction?

But we both really like this teacher, she is kind and good and has a good relationship with Zoe. So why change?

Well, Pere has been complaining that Zoe seems to be moving so much slower with this teacher. But I always felt like it was more important that Zoe was happy. (She used to get stressed out with her old Russian teacher.)

But now I am worried that teaching Zoe is out of her league. :( I feel like she also doesn't have the contacts and resources to give Zoe the performance opportunities she would like. I feel like there are probably teacher's in our town who have some experience with talent like Zoe has. But I wonder if that is really that important.

What should I do? It is easy enough not to change anything. Zoe likes her teacher and her current song really was complex and difficult. So the teacher does challenge her to a certain extent. But now that it really hit home that Zoe is BY FAR her most advanced student I feel like she is a big fish in a small fish bowl that she might not be able to grow in.

homeschooling stuff

2009-10-23T07:02:00.000-07:00

Zoe is finishing her end of year test on her 6th grade math. She is all proud of herself for starting "algebra." *grin* We'll start Life of Fred algebra next week.

She is doing very well in math. I know the time she spends at Math Center helps her to think of herself as a "mathy person." I am also appreciative that there are so many women and girls at Math Center. The program director has a PhD from Boston University. She's brilliant! She spends some one on one time with Zoe every week. This week she sent Zoe home with a DVD of the movie Flatland, based on the book.

Zoe still loves her Michael Clay Thompson Language Arts. Seriously, she asks for extra assignments even. She loves anything to do with writing, creative or even the five paragraph essay. :)

She is doing lots of writing for Lightning Literature too. I am impressed with what she is learning about good writing in that class. And she LOVES participating in the online forums. Getting to communicate and write with other gifted kids is her favorite thing to do these days. She gets up at 7:00 a.m., which is the earliest I let her get up, and runs down stairs, jumps on her laptop and checks her Forums first thing every morning. (except Saturday. Saturday morning cartoons still win out over the Forums.)

She also loves her reading assignments from Lightning Literature. She is reading MY Family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell and Treasure Island now.

This week we started the second volume of History of US. I like this series. Our readings yesterday led us to a conversation about how knowledge of life on other planets would change the beliefs of people on Earth.

In science we are studying the cell. She made models of eukaryote and prokaryote cells yesterday, with mitochondria, Golgi, nucleus (not in the prokaryote obviously), cytoplasm, endoplasmic reticulum, etc.

We are also loving a new supplementary science book we got called Open Me Up It is very well written with great illustrations.

We are studying the Human Genome Project and it's ethical implications.

Zoe has a piano recital this weekend and she is getting ready for the AIM competition.

This article is AWESOME!

2009-10-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

This article gets into issues that I am currently discussing with Pere and some other gifted girlfriends. This is the stuff that I think about on a daily basis. It is well said and, I think, it is very important that we recognize the ways we still need to change and grown to be responsible to ourselves as gifted women.

Entitled to be Exceptional - by Douglas Eby

"In her book "Smart Girls" Barbara Kerr notes that this pattern may have lessened in the past twenty years, but "the Horner Effect may still live on in girls' and women's tendencies to negotiate and avoid conflict or competition when friendship or intimacy is at stake...

"Since they are astute, gifted girls become sensitive to the conflicts for women in competitive situations much earlier than average girls do... Terman's studies show gifted girls and women have an even stronger need to please others than average women do."

2009-10-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

Math - finishing integers

Language Arts - Read first part of My Family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell

Social Studies - More of the Conquest of America DVD

Science - Read about nerves, neurons, bone cells, autonomic and somatic nervous systems.

Japanese - writing, going over vocabulary

Read Aloud - Treasure Island - In Which Jim Hawkins strikes a deal with Long John Silver

Piano/Voice - Working hard on her performance piece.

Reading - More of My Family and Other Animals

I got to work on my book and Pere is making Focaccia Bread and Challah Bread.

2009-10-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

Today

Math - algebra and integers (she was pleased to tell me she already learned all about integers at Math Center)

L.A. - Essay Voyage, parenthetical phrases, fixing punctuation and subject/verb disagreement in essay, and analyzing the Gettysburg address for connecting words, micro-language and personal pronouns. On her own, Zoe wanted to memorize some of the speech.

History - Netflix DVD - The Conquest of America. Ah... some historical info on European and Native American relations just in time for Thanksgiving.

Science - a Ted Talk on the Animation of the Cell

Mommy Time - Went on a Fall Leaf Walk. It was cold!

Arts/Crafts - Made a fall leaf swag for our mantle.

Literature - Online class about internal and external details in an Nathanial Hawthorne story and learned how to make a poster on Glogster.

Update part 2

2009-10-09T06:42:00.001-07:00

Zoe is doing really great. She needs her own post. :P

Last night the director of the math center came to tell me that Zoe is doing some really neat things there. She set up a store with the other kids one night, last night they changed it to an arcade. She is also making a binary calculator, working with negative numbers, algebra and fractals.

In gymnastics she moved up a level and I think she is very good. So does her teacher. She has communicated to me a couple times that Zoe learns very quickly and is really motivated to do things with the right technique.

Our Rabbi came to talk to me this week. He said he was visiting her class and the teacher said it was time for a quiz to see how much they remember of what they have been learning. Some of the kids groaned and grumbled. Apparently Zoe stood up by her desk and proclaimed "I love learning!"

When the Rabbi relayed this story to me I told him "We homeschool. So I have been able to brainwash her into thinking that learning is fun." ;)

In piano she has a competition coming up. She is playing a very difficult and beautiful song. I'll try to make a recording of that too and post it here.

In choir she moved up to the next level, Concert Choir. She is very proud of herself. She is in the group that the "big kids" were in last year.

I am really impressed with her Japanese. She is reading, writing, speaking in Japanese. I haven't really tried to keep up but I doubt that I could. Listening and speaking are the hardest parts for her. She is not able to keep up a conversation in real time. But I don't really expect her to at this point.

She is loving all the writing she is doing in her online class, CTS forums and with her Michael Clay Thompson books.

Here is a poem she wrote for an assignment in MCT's poetry book

The undulating sea, it waves before the eyes
of Mother Nature, her surprise
is that the ocean is almost not hers.
In the dead of night a storm stirs.

She is reading a Sci-fi novel called Zoe's Tale and Treasure Island. I am reading her the original Winnie the Pooh books by Milne. They are personal favorites of us both.

Every week she has Daddy Night. They have shot the air rifle, Pere taught her to whittle with a knife, they have done some cooking, assembled the Eiffel Tower lego kit, and other nice Daddy/Daughter things.

Our homeschooling group population is dwindling. I worry about Zoe not having enough kids to play with . Right now there are only two girls her age that come. And her neighborhood friends are always so busy after school during the school year. But Zoe has made new friends this year in gymnastics, choir and math and has playdates planned with a new friend she made at temple. So, I would say that, while not great, the friendship stuff is not too bad.

I work hard to keep her satisfied, challenged, growing, happy, etc. Right now we have hit a good groove.

Update part 1

2009-10-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is Friday already. I can't believe it.

Last week I looked at something like 4 thousand web pages online. I was researching like crazy for my novel. Then Wednesday night I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep. I was up for an hour and a half writing new pages in my book.

I don't know if I will have much time to write for the next three days because we will be pretty busy. Tomorrow we have plans to hang out with our friends all day and we have a social engagement Sunday too.

Pere had a big week. He finally got an office at his work. He also wrote a really really funny song. He is working it up on garage band now. I will post a link to it when it is done. He also is learning to bake bread from scratch (with yeast!) He made the most delicious soft warm... [picture Homer drooling] Challah.

So Pere is moving up at work, making music and baking.

I'm writing. I got some really good stuff developed, things that got me really excited. I also did some personal research on Jung's archetypes for my therapy. I've been enjoying bike riding to Zoe's classes. And homeschooling, of course.

Less Hurried

2009-10-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

So I did make some changes to our schedule.

I added bike riding for an hour a day three days a week with Zoe. She really enjoys it and it's very healthy for me.

I also scaled back on some of her homework responsibilities. We are taking history a little slower and studying American Colonies now.

I am also loosening up her schedule for MCTLA. She just loves to have a lot of time for writing poetry with Building Poetry and all of the other writing assignments in the other books in the Voyage series.

Mariposa said that she observes that Zoe does well with a full load. I agree that she likes to be involved in many (too many?) activities and likes doing all of her subjects.

Here's a funny. When she has freetime she sometimes gets out her old homeschooling books and pretends to homeschool her daughter. Really she is just re-reading her old books out loud. :)

Recently she would spend all her free time writing on the OG3 finish the story forums. She told me that she would spend all her time writing if she could. Hey... I know how she feels. :)

Sometimes though I kick her off the computer and tell her "Go play outside" or "Go upstairs and play with your toys in your room." I know how addictive it can be to be writing a shared story with smart friends. But, at this age, I still don't want her on the computer so much.

I guess a good gauge of whether Zoe feels like she is too busy is that she still asks to go to the drop in Math Center twice a week. She might spend from 3 - 5 hours a week there and she really doesn't need to go there at all. And last week she asked that if there is ever a night when Choir wasn't meeting if she could go to Math Center, which also meets that night.

Hurried

2009-10-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling very hurried recently. I know it is all in my mind. I need an attitude adjustment.

Zoe does have a lot of classes now that have homework that we need to keep up with. We added three online classes to her schedule this semester. But I can still try to adopt an unhurried mindset.

It really isn't necessary that she continues moving forward at a certain rate. There are even some good reason for her to move up in grades at a slower rate... like the idea I have that I don't want her to go away to college at 14.

So why do I make myself feel so hurried?? Is this an INTJ thing? I make a schedule and then I blindly move forward with great efficiency?

I feel hurried in my writing too. I set a very doable goal yet I have been feeling like I must hurry hurry hurry through all my research. The feeling is not that enjoyable.

I know I have a kind of THING about being efficient. I automatically run through the most efficient way to do anything. I guess there is a fine line between efficient and feeling hurried.

So the new habit that I am going to try to learn, ala Charlotte Mason, is to Slow Down. I want to develop the attitude of enjoying the present moment rather than trying to move through it in the most efficient way.

Festivals

2009-09-27T07:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the book festival at our downtown library. I volunteered to be in the Wild Thing costume. It was an honor really. I love Where the Wild Things Are.

The kids were so darn cute. Some of them were scared of the costumed characters. And then some of them were just scared of the monster with the huge teeth and long sharp claws. But I did get a lot of long hugs and kisses.

After 4 hours in the costume (with breaks) we went right outside the library to Art Beat, our annual art festival.

One thing about living in a small town, you see people you know everywhere you go. We saw 8 or 9 families that we know in the short time we were walking about the festival.

Here is Zoe climbing in front of our theatre.

One of our homeschool friends had booth where she was selling her knitting. Zoe and I both got things for fall.

After dinner I GMed our roleplaying game.

The first "episode" was Exiles, and I got both the characters (Zoe plays Summer Jones an earthling with magic powers and Pere is Ostaan a serpentine humanoid retired military commando) away from their home worlds and onto a transdimensional ship piloted by URL (uncanny robotic lifeform)

The second two part episode was Blood Thirsters on the Moon Base Creciry.

Last night was the beginning of another two-parter - Summer Jones, Ostaan and URL find themselves in a Eden-like Jungle and guests to the hospitable and pacifistic Dalimen on the Eve of the Daliman's festival of sacrifice to the Great Momaat.

Today we are having our Fabulous Friends from Fort Wayne over for BBQing and music making.

Autumn

2009-09-23T05:49:00.001-07:00

We worked on our seasonal table yesterday.

Monday homeschool update

2009-09-22T05:25:00.000-07:00

Math - Pre-Algebra test

Language Arts - Lightening Literature writing

Social Studies - Reading our History of US book

Science - Chapter from science text and independent study on solar power

Art - studying form and drawing from an Audubon picture

After lunch play date for 2 1/2 hours.

Gymnastics - her teacher came out to me to tell me that she is really impressed with Zoe and that she remembers things she learned from weeks ago and applies them.

Movie Night - Laputa Castle in the Sky

I'm happy

2009-09-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been so long! Looks like my last post was eleven days ago.

But I am so pleased to announce that I did, in fact, begin writing the first chapter of my novel today!

My first goal was to be ready to start writing in the fall. I have been doing research since mid-winter.

For awhile I got off track. I was dealing with the stress of my relationship with my mother and sister. The book went on the back burner as I worked on healing. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't need to deal with or think about that stuff on a daily basis and I got back into my book.

Then I started homeschooling Zoe. Our schedule this year is pretty intense.

I was doing research on my book anytime she didn't need me, and for a couple hours in the afternoon. And then after I put her to bed I would work for another couple hours.

Still, I haven't finished my research. My book is rather complicated. *grin*

With my self-assigned deadline I used every spare moment to write. Then, Saturday, two days before my deadline I outlined the first chapter. And today, while I was sitting at Zoe's gymnastics class I wrote the first couple of pages.

Yay for me!!! (That is how I feel!)

My new goal is to write twenty hours a week.

Please wish me luck! I will try to write more, at least once a week.

homeschooling update

2009-09-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

We are at the end of week three here at Gray's Academy

Homeschooling has been going very well but it is very hands on and I am busy with Zoe from about 8:30 - 2:30 everyday.

Math - Pre-Alegbra stuff from Singapore. I think we will start the Beginning Algebra Life of Fred book next. So far Zoe is having no trouble with math. (She definitely gets that blessing from Pere and not me)

L.A. - MCT Voyage series, very good and definitely meatier than the Town series. She is doing a lot online with her OnlineG3 classes. We are reading Treasure Island and assigned books from Lightening Literature.

History - We've gone backwards a little and she is working on the first History of US book. She is really enjoying learning to do things on the computer like find photos online and post them to her online timeline.

Science - whew! Her new 7th/8th grade book from Singapore is pretty high level. She has learned to write a lab report with her escience labs stuff. Right now we are studying the Human Genome Project and Zoe is writing an essay about the ethics of genetically altering humans. I think we will watch Gattaca with her tonight.

Japanese - Also hard! For me anyway. Zoe has lost me on this one. I can only help her to a point. Most of the time I don't really know what she is doing and I just have to take her word for it that she knows.

Music - She is so diligent with her practicing. She combines voice and piano and often practices for more than an hour a day. I think that her love of making music on the piano and singing makes it seem like it isn't work.

That is what I go for on all her classes and I think I succeed more often than not.

Everyday we have something called Mommy Time. We take a break in our studies for half an hour for play. We have danced to music a few times, done yoga, tickled and sang and tried to make each other laugh.

It is a welcome break because her school work is pretty intense and I am writing for a couple hours in the afternoon and she is on her own. This gives us another chance during the day to connect on a purely playful level.

You know, I have to keep in mind the asynchrony between what her brain needs for sustenance and what her 8 year old childlike psyche needs.

Sometimes I think I err too much on feeding her brain. Maybe because that is how I treat myself. Sometimes I feed my brain to the detriment of other parts of myself. But I have always tried to be careful with Zoe. I want her to have plenty of down time to explore, to even be bored. Because after boredom she gets really creative. :)

It is also a balancing act because Zoe loves all the classes she takes outside of the home. This is something we have always struggled with. She is always ready to take on new classes and doesn't want to give up the old.

Right now she is taking music (a combined piano and voice lesson), Japanese (college level class), gymnastics twice a week, choir, Sunday School and she still wants to go to the Math Center once a week in the evenings.

She just started choir back up this week and was really excited to find she was moved up to primary ensemble. She was in the beginning group last year.

I dunno. I am trying to balance her "rage to learn", her wish to be involved in so many activities, with my wish for her to have quiet freetime and play in the yard. :)

I got my hair cut

2009-09-06T17:13:00.001-07:00

Visuals

2009-09-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

We went to a Native American Pow Wow yesterday. Zoe was wanted to honor them by standing at attention the whole time they danced. She bought wooden knives for herself and two friends with her own money and a wooden flute. I bought her a dream catcher.

We went to the Farmer's Market in the morning.

Here she is, excitedly opening her science kit box from escience labs.

Zoe had a recital last week. It was very pretty.

I don't know what to write about

2009-09-03T06:21:00.001-07:00

Almost ending week three of homeschooling, with our new books and new schedule. It is going verrrrry well. I am pleased, although busy.

Writing - I have 18 more days to reach a goal I set for myself. Time is like sand slipping between my fingers.

Pere - He wrote a song for Zoe. He just came home one night and, while I was working on my book, wrote this beautiful perfect song. Tears came to my eyes the first few times I heard him sing. It is an encouraging song that works in her love of space travel and science fiction, set to a really sweet tune. I'm so impressed!

A couple days later he wrote a song for me. HE is so clever! He wrote it as a love song for the two of us but on another level it would work as a theme song for the book I am writing. Dang, he is good! That is a very hummable song too and it has been such a surreal and sweet pleasure to hear Zoe singing it around the house and having it stuck in my head to.

Zoe - She is loving homeschooling, especially science and language arts. She is obsessed with this creative writing exercise she is doing online with her friends.

Me - My mom wrote me and said she wanted to see us or "at least Zoe' before they leave for the Winter in October. I have many things I would like to say in response to her. But she wouldn't really hear them. So, I guess I will just continue to be No Contact. It is sad and has been stressing me out but I think I am close to making another personal revelation of the healing type.

Any of you dealing with Narcissistic Mothers - this is a GREAT website - The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

homeschooling today

2009-08-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Math - 45 minutes of Geometry. Zoe was measuring angles and finding angles. It was all easy and she went through it quickly.

Language Arts - 45 minutes of Language Arts. Today she learned about the punctuation used in sentences with clauses, for example:
Independent Clause and, Independent Clause
Independent Clause; Independent Clause
Dependent Clause, Independent Clause
Independent Clause Dependent Clause

Zoe loves her Michael Clay Thompson language arts books.

History - 30 minutes. She read the Horrible Histories book Angry Aztec. There was lots of exclaiming about human sacrifices and cannibalism.

Science - 1 hour. Finishing last years science book, reading about Water Conservation, doing some experiments, brainstorming, deciding which ideas are most practical, and recording statistics.

Art - 30 minutes. Learning about texture. I blindfolded her and we to into the neighbors garden. I had her touch difference plants, feel their texture. Then she picked one of the plants and made a sketch.

After lunch we had Mommy Time - hanging out on the porch, trying to make each other laugh. We skipped Reading and Music because I really needed to grocery shopping.

Today was also her first day back to gymnastics.

accepting myself

2009-08-21T14:27:00.001-07:00

The book I am reading, The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacbosen, has caused to me realize that most of my issues about being gifted are in the relationship area.

I go through this vicious circle of trying to fit in- not really being able to fit in- feeling like an outsider- deciding to just be myself- feeling very insecure about that- feeling very hurt if anyone doesn't accept me- deciding to hide out and stop hanging around with people- deciding that is not healthy and that I need to get out there again - trying to fit in - yadda - yadda - yadda.

I think one of my problems is that I do not really accept myself. I had very mixed messages from society in general about being gifted, and especially about being a gifted woman. I got negative message from my mother about... well about most everything but my giftedness was definitely a negative in her mind.

I go from being very ON and INTENSE and CHARISMATIC to needing personal space, withdrawing, as a means of self-protection.

When I am with other gifted folk I don't really need to tone it down and those relationships are really important to me. But the real world isn't full of people who are comfortable with what I bring to the table. I need to live in the world with those people but I am tired of this merry-go-round.

From the book The Gifted Adult:

"To feel like a outsider, to constantly pressure yourself to hold back your gifts in order to fit in or avoid disapproval..."

"the only hope the "odd one" has of fitting in seems to depend upon continuous self-monitoring and keeping one's peculiarities in check."

"to defend ourselves from undue prejudice, many of us protect ourselves by pretending to be without gifts... a charade that provide a small measure of solace and refuge."

"we are apt to remain lost in a culture that has no way to understand us, much less support us."

"none of these gifts come without a price. We pay as we go with risk, disheartening disapproval, and the emotional toll of making creative contributions to today's world."

"by detangling ourselves from the tight knots that arise whenever we search for nods of approval by trying to explain who we are and why we are different and what we are up to, we set ourselves free."

It is not all bad, and the book goes through the mental exercises of naming, recognizing and supporting your gifts and yourself.

I post these quotes because sometimes I need to remind myself that my difficulties in relationships are common for gifted adults. I need to remind myself that it is not "just me" and that trying even harder to fit in is not the answer.

Self-acceptance is the answer. And that's not easy, especially with the mother I had. But I am putting a lot of effort into it and I know that I am a very capable person.

And maybe someday, when I am more self-accepting, spending hours in the company of someone who actively, yet passive aggressively, rejects me will not bother me so much. But for now the best I can do it turn it into an opportunity to learn and grow while trying not to let to shake my self-esteem.

back to school special

2009-08-18T05:39:00.000-07:00

Monday was officially our first day back to school. Zoe is in... 7th/8th grade now.

This Fall we have a very detailed schedule. It looks like this:

Math - Singapore, 45 minutes a day five days a week.

Plus she wants to continue going to our local Math Circle group that she had her camp with this summer. It's in the evenings twice a week and on Sunday. I don't think she'll be going every time, maybe once or twice a week to work on applied math projects.

Language Arts - Michael Clay Thompson Grammar Voyage, Essay Voyage, Caesar's English II, World of Poetry and Lightning Literature 8th grade. She will do L.A. four days a week for 45 min and on day for 1 hour.

Zoe is signed up for an online humanities program for gifted students, Online G3. They also use MCTLA and LL. So she will be doing some of her Language Arts assignments online and will attend two 50 min Webinars a week.

Social Studies - A History of US and various other resources. She's doing Social Studies 4 days a week, 30 minutes for two days and 45 minutes for the other two.

Zoe gets Calliope and Odyssey magazines which cover a lot of great social studies topics in a fun way. This year I am going to spend more time on geography. Zoe really doesn't know much about it. I will be coming up with fun mini projects for that.

History of US is another class Zoe is taking with Online G3. I am really interested in how these online classes are going to work out. She will be distance learning with other gifted kids and with teacher's who really get gifted kids.

Science - This year Zoe is doing middle school science from Singapore. I did a lot of research this summer and came up with their Interactive Science for Inquiring Minds. I also found this great company that provides hands-on science lab kits, eScience Labs. I am ordering her the Life Science kit for middle school.

Zoe will be doing science four days a week, 45 mins for 2 day and 1 hour for the other two.

Her other classes are:

Art - Artistic Pursuits, 45 mins twice a week

Reading - assigned reading from Lightning Literature and books from Classics in the Classroom by MCT. 30 mins four days a week.

Read-Aloud - I like to read-aloud certain books. I still enjoy being part of that experience with Zoe. Our whole family regularly reads aloud to each other. 30 mins a day 4 days a week

Then Zoe has her lessons that originate outside of the home, Music, Japanese, and Gymnastics.

Zoe's music teacher has big plans for her this year, some competitions and stuff. Her lesson is one hour and at home she practices piano and voice for one hour a day. She loves to sing more than play on the piano but now that we have the baby grand both her and Pere wander over to the piano and play me little tunes throughout the day.

Zoe is studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Exam this year. Japanese is getting extra hard, for me anyway. I can't keep up with her. I think she is doing well but it is hard for me to tell. She has an hour long lesson at the college once a week and gets her homework done in 30 min a day 4 days a week.

Zoe is getting back into gymnastics this Fall. She didn't really like her class at the YMCA last fall. So now I am driving kind far to a bigger better gym. *raised eyebrow* But, really the drive is not that far compared to what I used to drive in Los Angeles. Zoe. Zoe is taking gymnastics twice a week. She really loves gymnastics and needs to get her energy out.

So that is everything... (except choir and Sunday school which have no homework)

The big difference this year is that I am taking time in the afternoons to write my novel. So I ordered Zoe's classes so that the classes that don't really require my presence are after 2:00. It doesn't totally work. I would rather be there to listen during music and Japanese. But writing my book is very important to me so I have to make this compromise.

I made a written schedule fitting in all her lessons and classes and downtime and freetime and mommy time and lunch and tea time. We will see how it works out.

I like having a schedule like this. It is easier for me. It is kind of like how I write up a menu for the coming week so I know what we are going to have for dinner each night and not waiting until 5:00 p.m. and going "Hmmm, what am I going to make for dinner?" When have my menu and all the ingredients dinner is much easier. And the meals our personalized favorite, nutritious and healthy for our particular diets. But that doesn't mean we can't scrap dinner plans and go out to eat or order take-out.

Same with the schedule, the schedule is there for most days and it helps us not waste time wondering what to do next. But the schedule is not the master. It is a tool.

12 minute blog post

2009-08-13T18:39:00.001-07:00

Twleve minutes till the hardboiled eggs for tomorrow breakfast are done, then time for beer and two ibuprofen.

My laptop kind a broke. Fixing it involves taking EVERYTHING off of it and backing it up which is a time consuming process.

I spent much of the week making a very involved fall school schedule for Zoe involving graph paper, and highlighters (cause I have no computer.)

Writing on my book is mostly on hold (because I have no computer) so I have been reading some library books and making notes in a college lined spiral notebook (so oldschool!)

I have many things to post. The book The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen... it is all that and a bag of chips. Really. My only complaint is that I wish there were more, like a workbook or something.

Zoe... oh sweet Zoe. She has made one of those noticable jumps in intelligence/maturity that gifted kids make yet are still astounding everytime. Her vocabulary amazed me. She is getting even more self-reflective. Her sense of humor is fraktastic. She is always always always thinking, creating, plotting, experiencing life... all to be so young again.

Not that I am so old. But sometimes my back feels like I'm 100, hence the beer and pain meds.

We went to the zoo Thursday.

times up

Lets get intense

2009-08-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

I realize that I have been chasing the illusion of acceptance for a long time. I say "the illusion" because many people only see a false persona that I feel comfortable sharing with, what I sometimes feel is, an unsafe and judging world.

I talk fast. When I get excited about a subject my words come fast and I have an intensity to my voice. I really like it when someone gets on that train with me and we share an intense exchange of ideas.

I feel intensely. When I get excited by a new idea I get really excited. When I see someone hurting I hurt too. When I see a wrong I feel responsible for righting it. I see how things "could be" and "should be" and my mind has several tracks running at once, consciously and unconsciously, trying to fix the world.

I have a highly developed sense of right and wrong. I sometimes see it as my personal responsibility to fight injustices, to reveal untruths, and to confront selfish and hurtful behavior and attempt to put a stop to it. If I try to just walk away and ignore it I feel guilty, like I am part of the problem. I can't live with that. But sometimes I don't have all the answers.

I have a lot of things I am good at and a lot of things I am interested in. Do what I love? I would do ten thousand things. If I have one clear path to follow it is to keep learning, keep synthesizing and keep producing. Life is a banquet.

I am very sensitive. I feel too open to other people's feelings sometimes. Is it a gift? Is it a curse? Both? I notice everything. I see the subtlest details and gain a multitude of information from body language, a glance, word choice, tone, etc. I could explain it but it wouldn't make sense. Sometimes I feel like I can see right through the public persona people try to show me. I want to respond to them on an authentic level, to say "I see right through you."

I love being in nature. I fall in love with the bright fuchsia of the flower, the innumerable shades of green, the adorable tiny toad, the evolution of camouflage, trying to imagine what the birds are saying to each other, the heartbreaking beauty of the sunset and I marvel that it happens everyday. I always feel better about myself and life when I take time to be outside. I love many things but nature both uplifts and centers me.

I am a serious person. I care very strongly about getting things right, doing them the right way, doing my best, creating something that I can only see in my minds eye, communicating what is important to me, and living in alignment with my strong values. This makes me feel good. It gives me satisfaction. I don't care about things being easy. I don't want to live life on the surface, shallow and smooth. I like challenges and I feel really good when I meet them. If I don't have a challenge I make one for myself. I like to be always moving forward, getting better, perfecting, innovating, and producing.

Not that I don't appreciate being idle at times. Not that I can't be playful and joke around. I have a great sense of humor. But I need to be the best I am capable of.

If I stop chasing acceptance and allow myself to be me what will happen? I think at least I need to accept myself, all of me, the good, the bad, the intensities, even if no one else does.

I may still yearn for acceptance. But, it is only an illusion if I am holding so much of myself back. People may not understand me but that is not so different from how things are already. I have never been that good at hiding anyway. But, I fear that I have spent so much time trying to fit in that I am losing touch with vital parts of myself, the real me. Luckily I can sense it is all still in there, rattling the cage even. :)

sigh

2009-08-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am feeling kinda junky about losing some friends recently. One moved away and another I made the decision to stop hanging out with. I had been feeling pretty strong about making the hard but ultimately right choice. Today I just feel like I have no one to reach out to. :S

I am reading this book, The Gifted Adult by Mary- Elaine Jacobsen. Here are some passages I've underlined:

"We are afraid to be vulnerable and open to others, yet we are terrified of being alone and misunderstood in our relationships. We can become bewildered and distrust our perceptions and ideas while at the same time be fervently attached to them because we know they are right."

"The process of discovering that what we've been told is wrong with is is precisely what's right and intelligent about us must begin with choosing to confront disapproval, something most of us have tried tirelessly to avoid."

"Our life experience is unavoidably set along a hazardous route, somewhere between self-denial and high-risk individuality. We may reasonable wonder where is the road that leads to fulfillment without dead-ending in loneliness? The answer is often found in self-understanding."

Fresh Starts

2009-08-04T11:47:00.001-07:00

I haven't been blogging because I have been jealously guarding my time to work on my novel. I am in a really exciting stage and working on it every chance I get.

But I figured I should probably write something here about my birthday. I'm thirty-six now and I think this year will be a year of many good things. Right now it feels like the year of Fresh Starts.

This is my first birthday being No Contact with my mom and FU No Contact with my sister (FU means what you think it means, it's a kind of more aggressively angry No Contact. :P)

My best friend here in South Bend moved to Seattle this weekend. I saw her on Thursday, and Friday and Saturday. Thursday the ladies cried together but I wasn't up for that. I went home and cried in privacy and wrote her this note:

Dear J,

I can’t believe you are moving. You have been my good friend in South Bend, someone who I trust, respect, and like.

More than any other woman you have taught me what it means to be a good friend. Please accept my thanks and admiration and know in your heart that you are a wonderful person who brings kindness and warmth with you wherever you go.

You deserve more than this simple letter and now that you are going I regret every time I thought to do something nice for you and didn’t. It would have never occurred to me the many sneaky, clever, and fun ways that a friend can show another friend that they are thought of and cared for until I saw how you elevated random acts to kindness into joyful expressions of friendship.

I will try to keep that spirit of friendship that you taught me with me even after you go. I also have the gladiolus that you gave me blooming in my backyard. They will remind me of the multitude of sweet and supportive benefits of female friendship in general and of your own wonderful mix of extraordinary caring, gentle honesty, and great deadpan humor.

Have fun in your new life, embrace it and know that you can do so many things. We will miss you and your beautiful family. Don’t forget us!

Your friend always,

*sniff sniff*

I guess I am more worried about Zoe losing her bestfriend though. J's daughter was Zoe's best friend in South Bend. I thought it was really touching when Zoe told me that she is going to try to take on the role her friend had in the group, as the leader and the person who listened to everyone and got everyone together to make decisions. Zoe thought that would be a way to honor her friend. :)

So, that is sad, and I know the fallout of it hasn't really hit us yet. I still managed to have a very good birthday.

I got several books including Buffy. Spike and Firefly graphic novels, Coraline on Blu-ray. season 3 of the Muppets, gift cards to salon and Target and a stained glass screen. To quote Daffy Duck "Whadda haul! Whadda haul!"

On Saturday Pere made my traditional birthday meal of seafood gumbo. *yum* And we had our friends over for a birthday/farewell dinner.

Sunday the three of us went inner-tubing down Sugar Creek. It was sooo much fun! We spent about 4 hours on the water relaxing, playing games, and paddling around. It was a really great time. I used to go tubing down a much faster river when I was a kid and when I was trying to think of something I wanted to do for my birthday this was my second idea. My first idea was to do a TreeTop Zip-Line Adventure but we have to wait on that till Zoe is 70lbs and 10. (Although Pere and I might do it without her before then.)

So... anyhoo. Things are strangely good. Probably because I am so excited about my book. And I am confident that I have been making really good choices that are leading my life in a heathy direction.

What I am Reading and Reviews

2009-07-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

Books I have Finished Reading

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron

This book really opened my eyes and allowed me to reframe a lifetime of feeling apart from and outside of the majority of society. Many traits I felt were "issues" or something weird about me are explained in The Highly Sensitive Person as blessings, benefits, and advantages.

I feel like the Highly Sensitive Person is part of the gifted continuum, but one does not have to be gifted to be HSP, and not all gifted people are HSP. My husband would say that he is not empathic or exceptionally aware of other people's feelings or motivations. But he does have sensitivities of the five senses.

Try the self test and if you score Highly Sensitive I recommend this book.

The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook by Elaine Aron

This book is wonderful! I am just finishing it now. There is much more therapeutical work in this book than I expected. Aron takes the pain, isolation and confusion HSP's have experienced by seeing and experiencing things differently from the norm very seriously.

The first book convinced me to honor and esteem my differences, especially in regards to being an HSP (but not just that.) The workbook invited me to do many exercises and activities to reframe deep seated issues I have about my differences.

It is one thing to understand intellectually that your differences are not bad and can actually be a benefit to your life and others. But it is another thing to really know the truth in that statement, to let it sink in and change your negative self talk, and reframe issues going back to childhood with more compassion for yourself and from a realistic understanding mature viewpoint.

The Sociopath Next Door

This book was for research for my novel. It was depressing at times. There were things in here that wish weren't true. But, it was useful to me. And I do enjoy these kind of shocking true crime/sociology books.

A Gift to Myself - Charles Whitfield

This is another therapy book, assigned to me by my therapist. It gets into some very deep stuff. Whitfield says people can take 3 to 5 years to work through the exercises. I scoffed. But I have had to put it aside many times because it was too much. I wasn't ready to move forward and needed to spend more time working through some deep issues.

This book really isn't for everyone. But, if you have a dysfunctional family of origin and had a dysfunctional childhood this book will really open your eyes to how the self-protective adaptive behaviors you had to have as a child to survive are maladaptive as an adult. As you become aware of the ways you are reacting to the world, your spouse, yoru boss, your friends, etc in the ways you reacted to a dysfunctional parent you can stop yourself and learn new healthier behaviors.

On one hand I think everyone could benefit from a book like this. We are all our parent's child and even if we think our parents were "good enough" they still might not have supported us in the best ways. This kind of self reflection is how you begin to take responsibility for your behavior, to the people you are in charge of, in relationships with and, most importantly, your behavior to yourself.

Books I am Still Reading

Living with Intensity

This is more about Dabrowski and this Theories of Overexcitabilities and Positive Disintegration. This is not the type of book I read cover to cover. I skip around and read chapters out of order. I am reading it for specific knowledge and, since I am a busy person I do not always have time to read the parts that are unrelated to my current questions.

The Introvert Advantage - Marti Olden Laney

So, I'm an Introvert. I am kind of surprised at this. I stopped behaving like an introvert in junior high. I am still trying to figure out why that is. Maybe it had to do with dating. Likely it is a lot more complicated than that. Since then I have many times felt like Bilbo before he goes off to Rivendale "Like butter spread over too much bread." For a long time I was strung out on others people's needs and expectations. Part of being a HSp and also an "adult child" is being overly aware of the needs of others and feeling overly responsible. Maybe I felt different in so many ways that I couldn't hide that I choose this aspect of myself to ignore and force to fit in to societies expectations.

This book is very easy to read, and nicely affirming. If you ever thought you might be introverted or have mixed feeling about being one I recommend this book. (Or if your spouse or child is introverted)

Books I Just Got And Haven't Started Yet.

The Lolita Effect

Grrrr

The Nice Girl Syndrome - Beverly Engel

For me and Zoe. People think I am assertive but I still have work to do. I want to start earlier with Zoe because the pressure to be "nice" above protecting yourself from harm starts early and is very pervasive for women.

The Gifted Adult - Mary-Elaine Jacobsen

Just got this today. Was recommended by some online friends.

Please Understand Me II - David Keirsey

I am totally into the Myers Brigg Personality Indicator Type theory right now. This is one of the main books on Myers Brigg and Jung.

Good (in every meaning of the word*) Friends

2009-07-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

Sunday we drove down to Fort Wayne to visit friends.

We had an awesome time eating lots of tasty homemade food and drinks (ginger beer!) and talking about books and family and life.

My friend H was Zoe's librarian when Zoe was a toddler and we bonded over our dislike of Disney twaddle. ;) P and Pere bond over cooking, contemplating squirrels, music and whatever else cool guys talk about. :P

Zoe loves their children. We love them too. They are so smart and beautiful and funny. I really enjoy the company of their kids.:)

Anyway, a great time was had by all and we made vows to see each other more often.

* All meaning of Good except - (of meat, esp. beef) noting or pertaining to the specific grade below “choice,” containing more lean muscle and less edible fat than “prime” or “choice.”

More Notre Dame Kid's Movie Festival

2009-07-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Last night Zoe. Pere and I went to an outdoor showing of Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Wererabbit. It was downtown at the College Football Hall of Fame, which is next door to The Chocolate Cafe. We got candy and ice cream.

Zoe saw two friends, one from Temple and one from the neighborhood. She ran around the Gridiron for about 30 minutes playing tag.

We love Wallace and Gromit. I loved the atmosphere of watching it outdoors, people on blankets, under blankets, on lawn chairs, laughing out loud and sharing a wonderful community event. I am glad we went.

Today was our last day with the festival, We went to see the Miracle Worker and we sat in the same theatre( they were in the row just in front of us) with Sean Astin, aka Samwise Gamgee, his wife and three daughters. We really enjoyed the movie. Zoe highly recommends it.

After the movie Sean did a Q & A. Zoe asked him how old his mother was when she starred in The Miracle Worker. She was 12 when she started on Broadway and 13 or 14 when she did the film. I asked him how she prepared for playing a deaf and blind characters. I did have a bit of a geek out moment talking to him. eeeeeee!

The last movie was Sita Sings The Blues. It was pretty funny and also pretty. We had a good discussion about sexism afterwards over a dinner of Indiana food.

Azur and Asmar

2009-07-23T15:13:00.001-07:00

Notre Dame is hosting a children's World film festival this week, all the films but one are foreign. Today Zoe and I attended the beautiful Azur et Asmar by French filmaker Michel Oscelot. We really enjoyed it! Zoe gave it five stars. :)

We saw a three homeschooling families from our group there and some neighborhood kids and some kids from Zoe's choir. It is neat sometimes it live in a small town and see people we know while we are out and about.

*******************

Today I was trying to research the idea that women seek out their role and self-esteem in a horizontal web of relationships and men in a vertical power structure.

The reason I am interested is because I don't think I derive my self-esteem from either of those ways. My way is about reaching goals that I have set for myself, sticking to my values, especially when challenged or tempted not to, and continuing to learn interesting and important things. I have a few people that I trust to listen to me and give me feedback. But otherwise it is a very individualistic process.

Connecting with people is a side benefit, but not where develop my identity and I am very aware of where I am in any hierarchal structure. I am the one off to the side doodling, making jokes in my head and solving the problem my own way. ;)

Here is how the Myers Brigg Personality Indicator describes it:

INTJs are the most self-confident of all types, having "self-power" awareness.
"the most independent of all types."
"The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand."
"Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things."
"Strong insights and intuitions, which they trust implicitly"
"Value their own opinions over others"
"Reserved and detached from others"
"INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type. INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake."

Feeling "weird"

2009-07-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

adj. weird·er, weird·est
Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
Archaic Of or relating to fate or the Fates.

Monday night I had over some homeschooling mom friends, for a ladies night out. We sat outside in the backyard and had chips and cake and lemonade and talked for about four hours.

I learned that either a party of five is too much for me or talking for four hours is too much or both. I mean, I enjoyed some aspects of it, but it was too over-stimulating.

One of the mom's brought up Zoe and math camp. Apparently she was talking to her son during a math lesson and she told him, "You know, Zoe goes to a camp where all they do is math and she LOVES it."

and her son answered, "Well mom, I think Zoe is a great person but she's weird!"

Then my friend laughed and indicated she agreed with her son. 'Cause, you know, it is so WEIRD it like math.

I am pretty sure if I pressed my friend about it she would admit that it is not really weird, the world is full of adult engineers, math teachers, statisticians, actuaries, scientists, computer programmers, etc - so it is really not that unusual. I think what she really meant to say was that she herself doesn't feel comfortable with math so it is hard for her to identify with a child who would enjoy it.

I guess I am sensitive about the peer pressure girls experience when they have an aptitude in math. Just google Math Girls Peer Pressure and you will see lots of studies about this phenomenon.

Here is an example from the article U.S. Culture Blamed for Lack of Girl Math Experts

Elementary school girls tend to do as well or better in math than their boy classmates, and the authors suggest that peer pressure and societal expectations cause girls to begin falling behind or losing interest in math by middle school. Worse, some girls may even hide their aptitude or interest in math to avoid ridicule.

Also, the Ladies Night Out left me feeling kind of weird. We got to talking about the Myers Brigg Personality Indicators and three out of the five ladies are F's for Feeling. (One woman hasn't take the test.) I was the only T, for Thinking. Actually INTJ women are only about 0.5% of the population (INTP females are also very rare.) Most women are ISFJ or ESFJ, very strong in the Sensing and Feeling aspects.

Before I knew much about the MBPI I knew that it is much easier to hang out with men than women. I never even hung out with groups of women until I had Zoe and joined a Mom's Club. It is a struggle at times to deal in the world of Feelings. I learned that in certain groups sharing my Thinking point of view will earn me ridicule or even a hostile glare. So I usually keep my ideas to myself. Or I modify my real thoughts to fit in more with the group. Because fitting in with the group is really important in groups of women.

But recently I have been trying to be more respectful of my own needs and my INTJness and my HSPness. It is not easy and it did, in fact, earn me a few "You're weird!" comments from the ladies Monday night.

I dunno, it is some what discouraging but not unexpected. I recognize I can wear my "weird badge" with honor and usually I do. But I am not sure if "being myself" is ever going to coexist smoothly with "fitting in with groups of women."

Shakescenes

2009-07-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

Zoe, Pere and I went down to Notre Dame on Saturday for their Shakespeare Festival. We saw Shakescenes, performed by kids in the community, there were some really good troupes.

I really like that campus. On the weekends, when it is empty, it very relaxing to walk around.

spontaneous outing

2009-07-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Friday we met our homeschooling friends at the park. We haven't seen most of them in a month! That was really nice.

In the afternoon I had plans to work on my book but I had the bright idea to ride our bikes to the downtown library. It should only take like 15 minutes but with Zoe it is more like 30.

I love our little downtown. The heart of it is only a mile an a half away from our house. The river and the East Race (a white water raceway) flows through it. There is an ice cream and candy shop - The Chocolate Factory Cafe, an interactive kids health museum, a couple parks, an old theatre, a small used bookstore, a roleplaying game store, performing arts guild, several restaurants and shops, in the winter an ice rink, and more ... it is a very small downtown but it has some nice architecture and it is very pleasant to walk around, especially by the river.

Pere's company is one the river and the bike trail from our neighborhood goes right too it.

We went to the library, visited Pere at his work, rode along the river and visited the big Enshrinement Ceremony at the College Football Hall of Fame, which is also downtown. They were having a BBQ ribs cookoff. I bought some ribs and corn and we brought it home for dinner.

On the way home we crossed all these cute bridges over the East Race.

After we put Zoe to bed we heard a ruckus from outside. Zoe called out that she was scared. We climbed the stairs and looked out the window and saw that the Enshrinement Ceremony was concluding in Fireworks. We went out on our balcony that overlooks the river and the downtown and watched the whole thing.

So I didn't get any writing done but it was a very nice day.

blogged down

2009-07-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling bogged down, which is a no-no. I am trying to learn the Art of Extreme Self-Care as well as respect my needs as a Highly Sensitive Person.

So why am I fooling around with Twitter? Yet another app to update... I have a hard enough time remembering to do Facebook. (though I am sure I heard there was a way to coordinate Facebook with Twitter)

I do have a lot on my plate. So? What should I scrape off and feed to the dog?

I have homeschooling in the a.m.. If I am not homeschooling I am doing something else with Zoe. In between I am doing household chores, responding to emails, blogging, Facebook, and possibly some online research.

After lunch I need to go for a walk. That is something I REALLY need to do.

Then I have from 2:00 - 5:00 to work on my own projects, which are:

Writing a novel (currently researching the psychological profiles of psychopaths, and more MBTI).

Reading and working through three different personal growth books.

Doing the preparation necessary to be Zoe's teacher, which includes:
Keeping up with homeschooling news
Keeping up with Gifted news
Reading emails from 10 or so online groups I follow
Reading the 10 or so blogs I follow (this is not just for homeschooling but I do sometimes get good homeschooling advice and recommendations)
Reading the Local News
Reading various parenting, educating books, articles, etc

Or I have to take Zoe to her classes: Music, Japanese, Choir, Gymnastics

Gamemastering a role-playing game from Pere and Zoe. I started GMing in highschool. I haven't been a GM in about 10 years but recently I have been playing in another game with Pere and some friends and really enjoying it. Zoe really wants to play a role-playing game so I am making one we can do at home. More on that later.

In the evenings I watch TV with Pere, and multi-task doing more of all of the above. Soon his MBA program will start assigning homework and I will have more time to work on my projects (although it is a bittersweet trade off because I do need copious amounts of Pere time.)

SO, I need to tone it down. I need some quiet meditation time. It has been recommended that I spend at least one hour a day in meditation or quiet reflection or just lying in bed.

Hmmm... I just don't know. I guess I could try it for a week, it is summer after all. I could see if it's worth it.

music and math

2009-07-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

Zoe had two really wonderful experiences today.

First she was practicing her new piano piece, Solfeggietto by C.P.E. Bach. She had a kind of transcendent experience provoked by the song's beauty. She was in raptures.

Later she was moved to dance, spin, skip and practically fly after her math class this evening. She was so wired over her foray into robotics, she turned her supercharged energies into a musical number on the streets of downtown South Bend.

I'm really happy for her.

I worked on my novel for about three hours in the afternoon. My big projects these days are homeschooling, working through my Highly Sensitive Person Workbook, and writing my novel.

Wednesday - Monday

2009-07-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

We have been really busy the last week

Pere started his MBA program at Notre Dame on Thursday. He was very busy with orientation and classes and team building exercises, etc. Spouses were invited to a couple of the events, so I got to eat dinner in the press box over the Notre Dame football stadium and chit chat with the wife of the V.P. of the school about the wretched state of the airline industry. ;)

While Pere was uber busy at work and at school Zoe was having camp days.

She rehearsed scenes from Mary Poppins all week at musical theatre camp and performed at the local theatre on Saturday. It was really cute.

In the afternoons she attended a math camp at Notre Dame. She loved math camp so much she asked to sign up for three more weeks! Today she worked on fractals, programmed a LEGOs mindstorm robot and circuits.

Today was really busy for Zoe, she had her first music class since we got back from Los Angeles, then right after that she had her weekly gymnastics class, and then the math camp. Tonight during her prayers she thanked God for all her classes. :) so cute!

When I wasn't driving Zoe around or sitting in on an awesome Myers Briggs Personality Indicator seminar at Notre Dame I have I been trying to come up with Zoe's fall curriculum, specifically science.

I averaged 300 websites a day since Wednesday looking for the best middle school life science curriculum known to man. I came up with Singapore Science (which we were already using...) and e science labs.

http://www.singaporemath.com/Homeschool_s/60.htm

http://www.singaporemath.com/FAQ_Secondary_Math_s/16.htm

The Ministry of Education in Singapore uses In Science, New Science Discovery, and Interactive Science for Inquiring Minds for middle school. For math they are using Discovering Mathematics and Math Insights.

The National Council of Teachers of Mathematics - they have a page that shows that the singapore curriculum alines with their grade level focal points.

http://www.edinformatics.com/math_science/nctm_singapore_math.htm

and on the Edinformatics math and science reform webpage they link to the singapore math and science curriculum as "Noteworthy" and "Edinformatics Select!"

http://edinformatics.com/reform/reform.htm

Big Little Big

2009-07-07T06:21:00.001-07:00

This week Zoe has Musical Theatre camp for three hours in the morning and a math lab camp for one and a half hours in the afternoon. Yesterday she also had her first gymnastics lessons at a new facility.

She loved all of it.

The musical camp is supposed to be for kids age 5 - 12. Ends up half the kids look younger than Zoe. I think this is the first time she has ever taken a class where she is one of the "big kids." When she got out of class she happily related that she enjoyed the class and even made two friends.

After lunch she had her first math lab at Notre Dame. The coordinator (director?) of the class and I had emailed back and forth a little about which class to put Zoe in. She ended up in the "advanced middle school" group. She was definitely the smallest one there. The picture above shows her in the middle with the two boys on her team working out a math problem on the board.

I sat in a corner of the room for the first class. At first it looked like her group was going to be all boys but it ended up being 11 boys and 4 girls (including Zoe.) The other three girls were clearly upper middle school and they all sat together at a table with another older boy.

Zoe totally held her own. She raised her hand for every question, (most of the kids there did) answered confidently when she was called on and seemed to feel she had a right to lead her team.

She was really excited when it was time to go. As we were leaving she said the cutest thing, "I feel like a real math person."

I think this is the first time she has done math with other kids. I am REALLY glad we tried this class, and I am going to be on the look out for more activities by this group because I think feeling like a "real math person" is excellent.

At the end of a rather full day of activities Zoe tried out a new gymnastics class. She hasn't taken any P.E. type classes since December.

This new place has a great gym, like what we were used to in Los Angeles. Zoe was in a class with three other girls. Two were smaller and one was a little bigger. I think they were all beginners. I was watching from the viewing area and could see that Zoe was the most advanced in the class. The teacher asked where Zoe did gymnastics before.

This class is only 3 more weeks and then a break before classes start up again for the Fall. I am thinking Zoe should move up to be in a higher level then. But then again she might be the littlest one again.

I wonder... how does it affect her to always be the littlest one? Does she think of herself that way? She didn't seem to at the math class. Does being one of the bigger kids or the advanced/lead kid give her important leadership opportunities?

I remember back when I was stuck with my age mates that being the advanced/lead kid was not really worth it. I would have much rather been in a challenging situation than one that is too easy, YKWIM? But, because we homeschool and I am good at advocating, Zoe often gets to work at her level, so maybe it is the other thing that she needs.

Friday Night Fever

2009-07-05T15:00:00.001-07:00

Zoe was really sick on Friday. She started off not eating anything at breakfast and going back to bed. That evening she was running a fever of 102. When Zoe gets feverish she starts to hallucinate, which is really scary for her and for me.

It never got really bad, but she did experience some feverish obsessive nightmares. I gave her children's tylenol and she slept in our bed. I woke her up every couple hours to check her temperature again.

Saturday she was still sick and slept pretty much all day. Pere and I felt really sorry for her because she missed the big neighborhood Independence Day festivities. There was a bike parade, (she and a neighbor had been planning to decorate their bikes together), the water balloon games in the park (with about 25 neighborhood kids), the gutter sundae (big clean trough, lots of ice cream, variety of toppings, give the kids spoons)

So I made her a little sundae at home which she tried to finish and then we went out on the lawn and played with sparklers.

Then she said she felt well enough to walk half a block to the park to sit on our friend's lawn and watch our resident pyromanic set off some amazing fireworks.

Seriously... the finale was crazy!

Anyway...Zoe give air hugs to her friends and take part in one of the holiday celebrations that make us so glad we live here. :)

During the fireworks she asked for a brownie, the first time she had asked to eat food in 36 hours. She slept though the night last night with no fever and woke up this morning saying she was hungry for breakfast. :)

Chicago Shedd Aquarium

2009-07-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Zoe and I met some friends from California at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.

It was SO nice to reconnect. Zoe and K looked at everything, played with everything and got along wonderfully. Zoe is looking forward to taking an online class with her this fall.

My friend and I talked about... well everything! It was great! I missed a chance to see her recently so this trip was such a welcome gift.

I wish we could see them on more than a yearly basis. J, we are going to have to email each other more!

why we are driving next time

2009-06-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

I thought I would be clever and fly out of Chicago, so we wouldn't have to deal with possible flight delay at the South Bend airport and miss the flight in Chicago.

We drove to Chicago Thursday night and did a Park/Sleep/Fly thing, where we could keep our car parked at the hotel we stayed at the night before the flight and catch a shuttle back to it when we returned. That all worked out well except the hotel was pretty lame (a comfort inn near the airport.)

We got to the airport at 6:00 a.m. Friday morning for an 8:30 flight, my email confirmation said US Airways. We went to the US Airways kiosk, it said we had to call, All The Phones Were Out of Order! Then we stood in line to talk to someone, only to get to the front of the line and have the US Airways person say that the flight was actually going to be on a United plan, so we needed to run over to the United terminal.

Then we had to stand in line there for another 30 minutes. The ticket agent confirmed that we did have a reservation but she had a difficult time finding our ticket... what does that mean?

Due to extreme weather conditions, lightning, golf ball sized hail, etc we were delayed at the airport until the evening! This including getting on the airplane and then having to get off again because the pilots were due to get off their shift.

We finally got to Phoenix, but all the flights into Reno, were overbooked with LONG standby lists. And for some reason, if you miss your connecting flight due to weather US Airways put you at the bottom of their incomprehensible priority list.

We didn't get on the one remaining flight to Reno that night.

We called Greyhound to see if we could take a bus - takes 24 hours to get from Phoenix to Reno by bus. We tried other airlines. We checked Amtrak. We looked into renting a car, I think the drive was something like 13 hours and it was already like 10:00 at night and we had been up since 5:00 a.m.

So we slept in the airport, hoping to get the earliest flight out to Reno.

Nope, over booked again.

Next flight, overbooked by 16 and another long standby list.

By this point Zoe, Pere and I had each had our own freak-out moments. It was no pretty. Plus we were running out of money, having to have eaten 5 meals plus snacks at the airport.

We talked to customer service at US Airways about our chances of getting to Reno. They were not good, Father's Day weekend, weather, and some big event in Reno was causing all kind of havok. Basically there was nothing they could do for us. No hotel voucher, no food voucher, no help on standby, no consideration for our circumstances of traveling with an 8 year old and only having a weekend in Reno. There was no way were could get to Reno until Sunday afternoon at the earliest, then we would be turning around and leaving Monday.

Eventually we decided to skip Reno and go right to Los Angeles, the next leg of our journey. Somehow we could easily catch the night flight to Los Angeles.

Fast Forward to Sunday the 28th. I had already tried to confirm our flight online but US Airways website said I needed to call. So I called and the woman working for US Airways said I needed to talk to a ticketed agent at the airport the day of my flight because, I was confirmed but they couldn't find my tickets. Again??

So Sunday morning I get to LAX an extra hour early. We stand in one line, they tell us to go to another, we stand in the other for 30 minutes, then the ticketing agent says, We Can't Help You. Again the flight was booked by US Airways but they were using a United plan so we had to go to the United terminal... on the other side of the airport. WTF!

We ran with all our luggage through the parking structure, I was SO mad.

We spent 40 minutes with a United ticketing agent while she was on the phone with US Airways trying to find our tickets. Finally she hung -up on them because they wouldn't help and just made the tickets herself.

Oh yeah, and when I originally called US Airways to add the Los Angeles flight because my mother-in-law was having emergency brain surgery the lady on the phone told me it would be an EXTRA CHARGE of $2000 for the flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles and changing the Phoenix to Chicago return trip for Los Angeles to Chicago. I said "that's a lot! Can you check and see if there is a cheaper flight? It doesn't have to be non-stop" The lady on the phone got annoyed with me and then said hold on, she left me on hold for awhile and then came back and said "No." Yet, I could see that there were several cheaper flights on their website.

Also, at every airport I was in line with dozens of extremely irate flyers who had been bumped because of US Airways policy to overbook their flights.

We figured out that it would have taken 28 hours to drive from South Bend to Reno. After 36 hours we were still in Phoenix. So, next time I am driving.

Highly Sensitive Person

2009-06-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.

I was referred to it on a site about Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities. Dr. Aron doesn't specifically link her Sensitivities with giftedness. Although she does write that many gifted people are highly sensitive.

On her website she has a self-test and a checklist for your child. She describes the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as having a sensitive nervous system, an awareness of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and being more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.

There is also a wikipedia page about studies by people other than Dr. Aron, including Jung. An excerpt - research shows that about 15-20% of humans and higher animals have a nervous system that is more sensitive to subtleties. This means that regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.

So far this book seem to be about reframing our past experiences with the idea that being sensitive, while being difficult at times, is beneficial and that we need to reclaim our right to be sensitive and protect ourselves so that we can function at our best. It also has exercises for reframing your own feelings regarding your sensitivities and helps you see them as assets.

When I was growing up I was neglected to the point where I wasn't supposed to show that I had any needs. So, of course, I was not allowed to label myself as "sensitive." I was often accused of being "too sensitive." I grew up thinking that my sensitivities were "weird" and possibly selfish and I tried to pretend they didn't exist and I would force myself into overarousing situations because I didn't feel I had the right to protect myself.

I also mislabeled many of my sensitivities as "pet peeves" or "weird reactions." While reading this book I have gone back and tried accept them as sensitivities that are part of me.

Some of my physical sensitivities:

Aural – I cannot tune out sounds. Zoe whistling, singing, water dripping, dog barking, a creaking door, cats fighting at 3 a.m. somewhere on my block, etc. I am a light sleeper because I hear everything and sometimes I have a hard time concentrating when there are noises.

Smell – I have a keen sense of smell. I have described it as being “assaulted”by smells. I also smell things that other people can’t. This has manifested in me being the only one to smell that the house was filling with gas when one of the cats turned on the stove top burner without the flame, being the one to smell the mold in the basement, etc

Sight – I am easily over-aroused by visual clutter. I can not relax when things are cluttery and not in their place. But I am also very moved by visual beauty, or even grotesque visages.

Touch – Tickling hurts me and I also have very sensitive skin.

Empathy – I pick up on the nervousness and awkwardness of others and jump to fill in the air space to comfort them. I feel so much empathy for the plight of others that I do not take care of myself in social situations but feel like I need to do whatever I can to make the other people comfortable, entertained, or, at least, distracted. Then later I am all frazzled. The book The Highly Sensitive Person gave me some good advice for dealing with this.

My body does not always have the usual reaction to medicine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. I have the reverse reaction or an over reaction.

Disney World, Chuckie Cheeses, The Fair, places like that make me overaroused because I like to have a calm system and it upsets the calm. I go and do them anyway but I have a hard time enjoying it because there are too many people, too much noise, too fast walking, and the system isn’t enough to calm me.

The thing that overarouses my sensitivity the most is me. I was not raised to listen to my body's needs or to respect my own reactions. I always put my needs aside, first for my mother, later for whomever seemed to need me.

Since I started reading this book I am starting to take better care of myself and not chastise myself when I can not do everything all the time. The book talks about a lot of the assets of being highly sensitive, some are:

creativity
intuition
surprising wisdom
empathy for others
quicker to sense danger
see the consequences of an action before others do
unusually creative and productive
thoughtful
reflective
notice things more than other people
a more understanding friend
good listeners
not willing to hurt people
A good counterpoint to the non-sensitive

There are others, check out the website or book if your interested.

Many Faces of Zoe

2009-06-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

omg

2009-06-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Or as Zoe would say "Oh Em Gee!"

I was just reading a wonderful article, Gifted People and their Problems by Francis Heylighen, PhD. I really want to post pretty much the entire article. I know it is going to sound horrible for me to say this describes me to a T, but it is such a perfect description that is makes me want to cry.

The following is a digest of the traits that are most often listed as characterizing “gifted” or “creative” individuals.

Cognition

original, unusual ideas, creativity, connects seemingly unrelated ideas
superior abilities to reason, generalize or problem solve, high intelligence
vivid and rich imagination
extensive vocabulary, verbal ability, fascinated by words
learns new things rapidly
excellent long term memory
grasps mathematical/scientific concepts readily, advanced comprehension, insightful
avid reader.
complex and deep thoughts, abstract thinker
runs mind on multiple tracks at the same time, fast thinker

Perception/emotion

highly sensitive
excellent/unusual sense of humour
very perceptive, good sense of observation
passionate, intense feelings
sensitive to small changes in environment
introverted
aware of things that others are not, perceive world differently
tolerance for ambiguity & complexity
can see many sides, considers problems from a number of viewpoints
childlike sense of wonder
openness to experience
emotional stability, serenity

Motivation/values

perfectionistic, sets high standards for self and others
very curious, desire to know
very independent, autonomous, less motivated by rewards and praise
seeker of ultimate truths, looks for patterns, meaning in life
enjoys challenge, penchant for risk-taking
outrage at injustice or moral breaches, good sense of justice
wide range of interests, overwhelmed by many interests and abilities
strong moral convictions, integrity, honesty
high drive
visionary, realizes visions, sense of destiny or mission
loves ideas and ardent discussion
sincerity
acceptance of self and others

Activity

great deal of energy
long attention span, sustains concentration on topics of interest, persistent
cannot stop thinking, work myself to exhaustion
needs periods of contemplation, solitude
spontaneity

Social relations

questions rules or authority, asks embarrassing questions, non-conforming
feels different, out of step with others, sense of alienation and loneliness
very compassionate
empathy: feels along with others, helps them understand themselves

The next two are a bit repetitive but I think even the difference in wording can trigger recognition.

Characteristics of Creative Genius

I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.

I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.

My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).

I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.

I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.

I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.

Characteristics of Gifted Adults
Perfectionistic and sets high standards for self and others.
Has strong moral convictions.
Is highly sensitive, perceptive or insightful.
Feels out-of-sync with others.
Is very curious.
Has an unusual sense of humour.
A good problem solver.
Has a vivid and rich imagination.
Questions rules or authority.
Has unusual ideas or connects seemingly unrelated ideas.
Thrives on challenge.
Learns new things rapidly.
Has a good long-term memory.
Feels overwhelmed by many interests and abilities.
Is very compassionate.
Feels outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted.
Has passionate, intense feelings.
Has a great deal of energy.
Can't switch off thinking.
Feels driven by creativity.
Loves ideas and ardent discussion.
Needs periods of contemplation.
Searches for ???? in their life.
Feels a sense of alienation and loneliness.

There are some new and interesting ideas that I haven't explored on my blog here:

The Intellectual and Psychosocial Nature of Extreme Giftedness

It has been reported that the higher the level of giftedness, the greater the chance of psychological and social adjustment difficulties.

Those of average ability have a greater need for external structure than the intellectually gifted.

One important difference, then, between average persons and their gifted counterparts is in the need of externally imposed structure.

The possession of the desire to know means that gifted individuals have a need to search for the inherent pattern, logic or meaning in a set of data information, while average people prefer to have the pattern, logic, or meaning already generated and explained.

Another problem for the highly gifted is they grow up with and are often socialized by significant others who do not
understand them well enough to guide their ideas and actions with valid feedback.

Misdiagnosis of the gifted

Unique interpersonal challenges that gifted individuals, couples and families encounter during their life span include :

learning to interact in the mainstream world;

manage expectations and pressures to fit the norm;

defuse unconscious hostility, resentment, antagonism and sabotage directed at them because they are perceived as intellectually, creatively or personally advantaged;

set appropriate boundaries for the utilization of their abilities;

collaborate with others, and manage the daily dilemmas of giftedness involving relatives, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, counselors, teachers and other members of the community.

*Whew!* Right?? How good is that??

Androgyny

2009-06-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

I was reminded in some recently readings that gifted people usually have more androgynous traits than the average person.

I heard Sandra Bem's Sex Role Inventory test and found it online. Here is a link to a pdf of the test, it tells you how to tally it all up and what your score means.

Here is how Wikipedia describes the test:

The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.

The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine female is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.[2]

You can score Feminine, Nearly Feminine, Androgynous, Nearly Masculine, and Masculine.

I scored Masculine, which is no surprise to me. I scored highly on both masculine and feminine and neutral, but overall more traits that are considered masculine apply to me.

Pere scored Masculine, overall more masculine than me as he scored very low on feminine/expressive traits.

Zoe scored Androgynous, which pleases me. People who are more androgynous are more flexible and supposedly, mentally healthy. :)

It is all very interesting to me. I've have a problem with rigid gender roles, especially since I fall outside of them. I bristle at being confined to a traditional female role. I think that being a gifted female and an INTJ makes it even more difficult for people to relate to me and vice versus. Throw in my over-excitabilities and I am just a bundle of contradictions.

Dabrowski's Levels of Personal Development

2009-06-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Third of my posts on Dabrowski. The first described Overexcitabilities, the second his Theory of Positive Disintegration.

According to Dabrowski there are Five Levels of Personal Development. Individuals with the three factors of overexcitabilities, abilities and talents, and the drive for autonomous expression can more readily achieve the higher levels of development.

Dabrowski studied gifted and talented children and made a list of "symptoms" that may reflect the potential for higher development:

May display unusual sensitivity, frequent crises, anxieties, depression, perfectionism, etc.
May express strong positive maladjustment. (not adjusting to society's self-interested values)
Strong sense they are different, don’t fit in.
Have conflicts with social morality.
Feel alienated from others, from their peers.

Level 1: Primary Integration

At this level the personality is primarily influenced by biological impulses. They are driven by selfishness and and controlled by lower instincts. For those at Primary Integration "the ends justify the means", there is little introspection and little inner conflict.

Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration

This level features brief, often intense, crisis or series of crises. The individual sees there are choices to make but the choices are morally equivalent. There is a feeling of ambivalence. Their problems occur again and again with no break through towards more positive development.

At this point, if the person's has strong developmental potential they may experience existential depression. The resolution of this phase is when the individual replaces society's mores with their own individually chosen hierarchal values. The person feels the conflict between the behaviors of themselves and others. The ethics of the prevailing social order are no longer adequate. This crisis leads to abandoning social conformity and developing a unique value system.

Level 2 is a transition phase. At this phase a person will either fall back or move ahead. The transition from Level 2 to Level 3 is difficult and requires a considerable about of energy.

Level 3: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration

At this level the individual is able to visualize the ideal or higher path choice. It is spontaneous because it is involuntary. You cannot "un-see" the higher path. The Multilevelness is the different levels of behavior, from lower to higher, that are compared and chosen from. Multilevelness also describes the perceptions drawn on during this level, thinking, feeling, imagination, empathy, etc.

At Level 3 the choice to take the higher path is clear and obvious, the person no longer feels the ambivalence of Level 2. That does not mean that the choices in Level 3 are easier. There are the external conflicts involved with choosing a non-conformist path and there is inner conflict when the individual fails to live up to his or her ideals. Movement through Level 3 is by a series of Positive Disintegrations, reaching for the "what could be" and away from the "what is."

Dabrowsi found that sadness, depression and anxiety are common in Level 3. This may be a good time to seek therapy, as long as the therapist is supportive of developing personality and not pathologizing the process.

Level 3 is when the person's value structure begins to support the development of their idealized self.

Level 4 - Directed Multilevel Disintegration

At Level 4 the spontaneous positive development of Level 3 is replaced by a deliberate choosing of the positive qualities in one's self and the rejection of the negative. The belief system is reconstructed with carefully chosen ideals replacing lower automatic, self-interested views. It is thought that people can and do move back and forth between levels, especially 3 and 4.

Behavior is also less reactive, and more compassionate towards one's self and others. Dabrowski wrote, "individuals of this kind feel responsible for the realization of justice and for the protection of others against harm and injustice. Their feelings of responsibility extend almost to everything"

People at Level 4, while having respect for every person, are often at conflict with society's lower level values. The person at this level tries to change the world to their idealized vision, through expression of their unique talents and abilities.

The ideal of Level 4 is a self-aware and self-chosen personality living at their full potential .

Level 5 - Secondary Integration

At level 5 behavior conforms to personalized hierarchal value structure. Art and creative expression is visionary and unique. Positive advances in society are associated with the integrated personality at Level 5.

Very few individuals will ever reach Level 5, but, it is thought that there are levels within the Level that are more attainable.

***************

This description of the Levels of Personal Development goes along with the Theory of Positive Disintegration. It may be help to view your child's anxieties, depressions, and conflicts as a sign of potential for positive development.

2009-06-17T05:34:00.001-07:00

Been doing a lot of research the last two weeks, mostly on Dabrowski, but I have followed many rabbit trails. I have been taking lots of notes and trying to synthesize the material for my own positive development.

Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:

"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy.

Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others.

On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel.

The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "

This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)

Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.

In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:

Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice.

On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.

Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop.

On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.

Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.

On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.

Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.

People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.

Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?

For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.

I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.

oh baby

2009-06-14T05:38:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we got our piano. It was made in 1924. The wood is original but it was just refinished. The black keys are original too. The strings, the hammers, dampers, etc are all new. Our next door neighbor is a piano repairer and tuner. When we first saw the piano was in total disrepair. We liked it's lines and it's age. Our house was built in 1922, so the piano fits.

Small town coincidence; the area where we have the piano now I used to have two matching wing back chairs and a small table. Those chairs are now in the salon of a hairdresser that my sister is working with. Guess who used to own the piano? The hairdresser that owns the salon! I had no idea! (that's so weird)

Yesterday we also had an old friend to visit. He is living in Chicago now. Pere and I used to work with him in Virginia. The last time we saw him I still owned the bookstore. We also invited over some other friends that work in the tech industry.

Pere perfected his lamb with pomegranate syrup and served it with parsnip mousseline. o.m.g. it was wonderful.

It was GOOD DAY. :)

We had friends over to play in the castle Tuesday. Pere is still working on the back, attaching the slide, cargo net and wall climber handholds.

Friday we went to park day and then my friend's birthday party. My other friend who made Zoe's rocket cake made her a scrumptious and beautiful carrot cake.

oh my gosh... it was so good!

Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration

2009-06-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

What does Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration have to do with Overexcitabilities?

Dabrowski theorized that a small subgroup of the population, those with overexcitabilities, "talents and abilities", and a strong drive for autonomous expression are capable of creating a highly moral personality led not by self-interest nor by the pressures of social conventions, but by a personally and consciously developed hierarchical value structure.

The "higher level" personality is developed through a series of "personal disintegrations", or psychological crises. These crises can be brought on by normal physical maturation milestones, existential conflicts, stressful external events, or just develop spontaneously. The disintegrations are considered "positive" because the individual is breaking free from the old self-serving, societally dictated behaviors, developing personal ideals and striving to live up to those more positive, altruistic standards of behavior.

Dabrowski believed that the people with the Developmental Potential for Positive Disintegration shared these three aspects:

Overexcitabilities -- heightened sensitivity, was to Dabrowski, necessary for higher levels of development. It takes imaginational and intellectual OE's to envision the ideal. The emotional OE is the "rudder to steer by." People with emotional overexcitabilities feel driven to establish value systems. They are the ones not only able to envision the higher path but feel compelled by their personal values to make the "higher" choice instead of the "lower", self-interested one.

Abilities and Talents - we all have talents and abilities. Those on the lower rungs of personal development use their abilities to serve themselves. Those who have progressed through higher levels of personal development use their talents and abilities to achieve and create their ideal selves and create the ideal world, as they are able to envision it.

The third factor of development potentiality is a drive toward individual growth and autonomy. It provides motivation to strive for more and to try to imagine and achieve goals currently beyond one's grasp. It also helps direct one's creativity towards autonomous expression. This third factor is a very strong motivation to develop one's self at any cost.

Dabrowski's observed that a person whose developmental potential is high enough will generally undergo disintegration, despite any external social or family efforts to prevent it. A person whose DP is low will generally not undergo disintegration (or positive personality growth) even in a conducive environment.

Dąbrowski saw disintegrations as a key to the overall developmental process. "Crises challenge our status quo and cause us to review our self, ideas, values, thoughts, ideals, etc. At this level, each person develops his or her own vision of how life ought to be and lives it. This higher level is associated with strong individual approaches to problem solving and creativity. One's talents and creativity are applied in the service of these higher individual values and visions of how life could be -- how the world ought to be. The person expresses his or her 'new' autonomous personality energetically through action, art, social change and so on."

Dabrowski called Overexcitabiltiies a "tragic gift." A person with strong overexcitabilities can experience great highs as well as great lows. They are driven to better themselves and the world around them but, their ability to see "what could be" and "what should be" can also be a source of personal stress and social conflict.

***********************************

That is probably enough to think about for now. Can you just see this in your kids? Have you felt your whole life this conflict between what should be and what is? Do you see in yourself or your children the compulsion to live by a set of intrinsically developed values that are often at odds with accepted practices? The gifted community has adopted Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration to describe the developmental potential of gifted children and adults.

Later I will describe Dabrowski's levels of personality development.

writing projects

2009-06-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Zoe is working on several cute writing projects.

She is continuing to work on a story about shape-shifting sisters trapped in a "behind the looking glass" kind of world. She is on chapter 19 of that book. (Each chapter is only a page or two.)

She started her sixth time reading the entire Harry Potter series (she has read the first three books nine or ten times each.) This time she is reading and researching for another writing project. She wants to rewrite the series from Ron's point of view. Here is an excerpt:

Mrs. Weasley turned the radio up, for a song by the Weird Sisters, a favorite wizarding band, had come on. It was a slow, wavering tune. She hummed along softly as the meat in front of her slowly diced itself to the rhythm.

"Mum, can we turn this off? I can't concentrate." Complained Ron Weasley.

"Oh, shush. This is a good song." The meat floated into the bubbling stew.

What does it take? He thought angrily..

"Reparo!" He tried to mend a chipped glass up in the cupboard. A crack appeared down the center of it and it shattered.

"Reparo." Fred, who was sitting right next to him, said. The pieces picked themselves up from the self and reformed itself back into a perfect wine glass.

"Git." Ron muttered under his breath.

"Thank you Freddie dear. Ron, you should be more careful." Mrs. Weasley slowly poured the stew into five separate bowls.

This morning she started a faux non-fiction book, The Survival Handbook for Supernatural Creatures. It is not a book for surviving attacks by supernatural creatures but written for "Vampires, Werewolves and Everyone Magical." It is tips for them to survive attacks by humans, angry mobs and vampire hunters. I LOVE this idea. She just came up with it while I was making breakfast.

*************

I am still working on that post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration. I haven't had any large blocks of time to get my thoughts written down recently. But I'll post it soon. Yesterday I was trying to explain it to some of my friends and one joked that I should write a dissertation about it.

I am back into working on my novel. There is SO MUCH to do. I try to get a little done every day. I like it better when I can get a lot done, but I haven't been good about carving out the time in the afternoon. I try to say that 3:00 - 5:30 is my time to write. But Monday we are not home from piano until 4:00. Yesterday I had friends visit until 5:00 and Friday I am invited to hang out with friends in the afternoon and Zoe gets to play with her little friends. Hmmm... not that I am complaining about having a social life or opportunities for Zoe to get together with her friends, but I do need to make my writing time a priority.

what I have been doing

2009-06-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

My laptop cord burnt out last Wednesday, the new one finally came in yesterday. I got a lot done around the house before I realized I could use Pere's laptop.

On Wednesday Zoe had a friend sleep over. They had a picnic dinner outside and stayed up until midnight telling stories.

Thursday we went to our friends house for our role-playing game.

Friday we met our homeschooling friends at the park. It is warm here now and the city has turned on the splash pads and water playgrounds.

Saturday I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to volunteer at a hydration station during our town's marathon, 10k and 5k races. Then we went to a friend's house for french toast brunch.

Saturday night we went to see a neighbor and Zoe's babysitter in a student musical version of Beauty and the Beast.

Sunday we watched a VERY VERY CREEPY version of Alice in Wonderland. Zoe said she LOVED it and wants me to buy it. It was TOTALLY disturbing. If you liked Coraline you will want to see this.

We have been sitting outside everyday, on the patio, on the porch, on the balcony, and in the castle. I don't have pictures because I have been too lazy to take pictures. *grin*

Needs

2009-06-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

I am going to wait a bit before I post more about Dabrowski, Overexcitabilities and Positive Disintegration.

Yesterday I had my therapy session. It was pretty energizing. I am definitely changing and developing healthier boundaries.

We got to talking about Needs. When I was a kid it was my responsibility to not show that I had any needs, because it would upset my mother if she had to do anything for me. I was also supposed to never say "No" to her needs, going so far as to anticipate her needs so she would not have to voice them.

When my therapist asked me what my needs are I was blank. He asked me what needs I might try to get met through my friendships and I said "none." He was then a bit snarky and said that I am so accomplished that I just don't ever need anyone's help. hmph!

But, I think he was trying to use humor to make a point.

I remember two things close friends have said about me on this subject. One time, in my mid-twenties, I was having a verbal fight with my boyfriend and things got kind of scary. He was storming around and breaking things, it seemed possible he might get violent, then he stormed out of the house. I called my male BFF and asked him to come over and sit with me, in case he came back.

I heard later that he told his girlfriend, 'We have to go right away, it must be really bad. H never asks for help."

It stuck with me because before that I didn't realize that I never asked for help. I just took care of myself.

Then, a few years ago, a good friend told me that I could ask for three times what I asked of people and they still wouldn't think I was asking too much. She told me that people actually liked to be needed. She said that it makes friends closer when there is a mutual feeling of being there to help each other. She said that I help but I never allow anyone to return the favor and that it creates a distance.

She was funny. She gave me homework that whenever I went to someone's house I should ask for a drink. Honestly, even the thought of that was uncomfortable. But I started trying it. Low and behold, nobody got put out that I asked for a drink. (unless I was asking that at my mother or sister's house.)

So today I was trying to do my therapy homework and think about my needs. The only thing I could come up with was that I don't like to be misunderstood. I have a need to communicate my meaning.

That was it. But it is something that drives me to have friends. I do want to connect with people. Unfortunately, while I like to listen to and get to know people I don't always feel comfortable communicating what I am actually thinking. I got burned too many times, both by my age peers in school (apparently I am often thinking something "weird') or by my mother who didn't care and would consistently misinterpret my words and motivations to fit in to her warped view of reality.

So hmmmm... no big surprise why it is so important to me to not be misunderstood.

When Pere came home I asked him what he thinks I need. He said he thinks I need:

To be recognized for my good qualities - intelligence, sense of humor, and goodness. He said I get upset when people like me for what I think are the wrong reasons.

To set things right (injustices, dishonesty)

to bring order to the house and other systems.

I think I can add a few more things to that list. I need:

To live with integrity. (this means that I feel upset when I feel like I am being pressured to behave in a way that goes against my morals and values. My sister just loved to push that button.)

To have time for myself (This is new since being a mom. Taking time to listen to my music, read, write, think, etc)

To have friends in my life that get my jokes, enjoy each other's company, have a meeting of the minds.

That's it. That is all I have for now.

most of those are not things that my friends can do for me. Even the one about being understood... it is not like I can ask for people to understand me. I just have to get better at making myself understood, or deal with being misunderstood. I also can't ask for friends to get my jokes, they either do or they don't.

I don't know... maybe I will come up with some other things.

So, this might be good for you guys to think of. Have you thought about what your needs are? How are you getting them met? Do you need help getting them met? How good are you at asking for help?

Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities

2009-06-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

Are you afflicted with or affected by Overexcitabilites?

from the article Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children - by Leslie Sword

Overexcitability is a sensitivity of the nervous system, an expanded awareness of and a heightened capacity to respond to stimuli such as noise, light, smell, touch etc.

The term ‘overexcitability’ conveys the idea that this stimulation of the nervous system is well beyond the usual or average in intensity and duration.

Michael Piechowski, who worked with Dabrowski, explains the overexcitabilities as an abundance of physical, sensual, creative, intellectual and emotional energy that can result in creative endeavours as well as advanced emotional and ethical development in adulthood. He says that the overexcitabilities feed, enrich, empower and amplify talent.

Overexcitabilities are assumed to be innate: a genetic predisposition of the nervous system to respond more and more intensely to life's stimuli. This causes those with strong overexcitabilities to have more intense than usual experiences of life.

Overexcitabilities appear in five forms:

Psychomotor - surplus of energy: rapid speech, pressure for action, restlessness impulsive actions, nervous habits & tics, competitiveness, sleeplessness.

Sensual – sensory and aesthetic pleasure: heightened sensory awareness eg sights, smells, tastes, textures, sounds, appreciation of beautiful objects, music, nature, sensitivity to foods and pollutants, intense dislike of certain clothing, craving for pleasure.

Intellectual – learning, problem solving: curiosity, concentration, theoretical & analytical thinking, questioning, introspection, love of learning and problem solving, moral concern, thinking about personal and social moral values.

Imaginational – vivid imagination: creative & inventive, a rich and active fantasy life, superb visual memory, elaborate dreams, day dreams, love of poetry, music and drama, fears of the unknown, mixing of truth and fantasy, great sense of humour.

Emotional – intensity of feeling: complex emotions, extremes of emotion, empathy with others, sensitivity in relationships, strong memory for feelings, difficulty adjusting to change, fears and anxieties, inhibition, timidity, shyness, self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, heightened awareness of injustice and hypocrisy.

Here are some more examples from the article Overexcitability and the gifted by Sharon Lind

Overexcitabilities are inborn intensities indicating a heightened ability to respond to stimuli. Found to a greater degree in creative and gifted individuals, overexcitabilities are expressed in increased sensitivity, awareness, and intensity, and represent a real difference in the fabric of life and quality of experience.

When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards "workaholism"), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive.

They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still.

Those with Sensual OE have a far more expansive experience from their sensual input than the average person. They have an increased and early appreciation of aesthetic pleasures such as music, language, and art, and derive endless delight from tastes, smells, textures, sounds, and sights.

But because of this increased sensitivity, they may also feel over stimulated or uncomfortable with sensory input. When emotionally tense, some individuals high in Sensual OE may overeat, go on buying sprees, or seek the physical sensation of being the center of attraction

Others may withdraw from stimulation. Sensually overexcitable children may find clothing tags, classroom noise, or smells from the cafeteria so distracting that schoolwork becomes secondary. These children may also become so absorbed in their love of a particular piece of art or music that the outside world ceases to exist.

Those high in Intellectual OE have incredibly active minds. They are intensely curious, often avid readers, and usually keen observers. They are able to concentrate, engage in prolonged intellectual effort, and are tenacious in problem solving when they choose.

Other characteristics may include relishing elaborate planning and having remarkably detailed visual recall. People with Intellectual OE frequently love theory, thinking about thinking, and moral thinking. This focus on moral thinking often translates into strong concerns about moral and ethical issues-fairness on the playground, lack of respect for children, or being concerned about "adult" issues such as the homeless, AIDS, or war.

Intellectually overexcitable people are also quite independent of thought and sometimes appear critical of and impatient with others who cannot sustain their intellectual pace. Or they may be become so excited about an idea that they interrupt at inappropriate times.

Imaginational OE reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, frequent use of image and metaphor, facility for invention and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams.

Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, or create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum.

Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others' feelings, and strong affective expression.

Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things. They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships.

Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment.

Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of "overreacting." Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.

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So, do you recognize any (or all) of these Overexcitabilities in yourself or your children?

I remember seven years ago when I first read about Dabrowski's Theories on Overexcitabilities, it was a huge event in my life. It was validating to read that these behaviors and feelings I had had my whole life were "normal" for a small subset of people. That knowledge helped me take steps down the path of self-acceptance. I felt that I was weird and wrong for feeling things, everything, so much more than other people seemed to.

Next time I will post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration and how having Overexcitabilities is a Good Thing. He theorized that people who are overexcitable can more readily progress through higher stages of personal development.