From Yesterday's post on Everyday Intensity:
“The essential characteristic of nervousness is an increased excitability, symptomatized in the forms of sensual, psychomotor, affectional, imaginational, and mental hyperexcitability. It consists in an unproportional reaction to a stimulus, an extended, long-lasting, accelerated reaction, and a peculiar reaction to a neutral stimulus.” (Kazimierz Dabrowski, Personality-shaping Through Positive Disintegration)
To begin, think about some really good things you have done with your life, or some personal growth you experienced, especially if it came after a period of internal struggle. How did overexcitabilities play a role? What did they help you to notice in yourself or in your environment?
For me it was always difficult to leave relationships that were no good for me.
I remember when I broke off with my first no-goodnik boyfriend I was so stressed out contemplating my exit strategy that I couldn't even talk. I just went silent. For days.
Even today, I go silent when I am really upset. Though, I have much better coping skills now (as I am almost 20 years older) and my silence never lasts for days or even hours.
What I am talking about is not the Silent Treatment. I am not that passive aggressive. I like talking to people I am close to and I strongly believe it is important to confront issues and talk things out, even if it means staying up till two a.m.. (my poor husband.)
But when I'm really upset or really stressed, I find that words escape me. Or rather, I go live inside my head, which a whirlwind of words, none of which can be caught and uttered aloud.
I see this as one of my many extreme reactions or my "unproportional reaction to a stimulus".
I think I need my silence. My silence gives me time. My silence allows me to listen to a voice inside me that is whispering, barely audible, what I needed to do protect myself, when the voices telling me what I OUGHT to do are so much louder. My silence keeps me from saying things that I might regret. When I am silent I can sort out the unreasonable demands other make on me, or that I make on myself. When I don't speak it is because I need time to think. In silence I gather my strength.
After a few days of silence I knew what I needed to do and I broke up with that bullying boyfriend. It was a struggle. It took a long time sitting with silence, but eventually I heard the truth ringing out with clarity.
