I never really thought of myself as introverted because I enjoy hanging out with people I really like and I have a need for intellectual conversations.
I have read that Introverts feel drained after spending time with groups, big and small. I don't feel drained so I thought I wasn't an introvert.
What I feel is over-stimulated, nerves jangled, and kind of stressed. It takes me 30 - 120 minutes to find my calm after spending time with people outside of my small family.
I have to wonder how much of that is because I am introverted and how much is from my stressful childhood that caused me to become hyper-vigilant and uber-responsible.
I guess we will see. My new idea is to be more aware of how I am feeling in social situations. I am going to try to be more inward focussed, let adults take care of themselves, stop feeling like it is my responsibility to make everyone happy.
Imagine a bucket of energy - when I go into a social situation I often ladle out the energy for everyone else (more than they ask for), leaving the bucket dry for myself. I don't know if I am explaining it right... I think of that quote from The Lord of the Rings "Like butter spread over too much bread"
When I have to hang out with people I have nothing in common with... I try anyway. I want to be polite and follow the social conventions. But I kind of admire people who know themselves well enough to be apart and separate. When I go off and be quiet by myself I feel guilty. So, another new thing I am going to try is letting myself be quiet in those situations.
How about you? Are you shy? Are you self-contained? Do you feel like you have to talk to make people comfortable? Do you feel it is your responsibility to be entertaining?
p.s. There may have been something wrong with my comments. I hope I fixed it.
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"Do you feel like you have to talk to make people comfortable? Do you feel it is your responsibility to be entertaining? "
ReplyDeleteTotally.
I was "raised" this way as well, but I am "growing out of it". We bailed on all plans
ReplyDeletefor this past weekend..keeping to ourselves.
It was very pleasant. We shamelessly used P's injury as our reason.
I'm an introvert. Actually my husband and I are boh introvert. I like to do things in my home or places I am familiar with. I don't do too many parties in my home. I rarely attend parties unless they involve someone Ami knows or my sister doing something out of my house with some mutual people.
ReplyDeleteOur childhood was quite stressful. I've read that has something to do with it. I also fractured my skull and commotion and noise rattle me.
I'm an extremely shy person, but have tried very seriously to get over it for the past 20 years. One day in my very early twenties I had enough of it-and tried to change. It's still a battle! I'm very good with complete strangers now--people I meet along the way, like a shop clerk, I have no problems now talking to them. Then again-they were my 1st target--I made a pact that I must say 'hello', ask how their day had been, and say goodbye nicely---that took a ton of courage!
ReplyDeleteI still feel completely anxious before a social gathering, during the gathering, and then very wound up afterwards. I crave alone time--and avoid as many social settings as I can. I especially avoid them because I do tend to do what ever makes the other people happy, even at my own expense. Therefore, I never want to go on outings with anyone else--I prefer to do it with just my little family.
I can't blame my childhood--we are 5 kids in 5 years--I'm the middle one and the only shy one. I can't recall a single event that was stressful--I did have a lisp--but my mom said all the shy traits were there before I spoke. I wanted to be alone or clung to her at all times. My siblings are all naturally at ease in all social areas--all extroverts. Go figure!
Extrovert here- which I think is more rare in "blogland".
ReplyDeleteI totally get that jangled feeling.
ReplyDeletePeople are often telling me that I am not an introvert, because they have this weird idea that introverts are super-shy and socially incompetent. I was at the local gifted homeschool group with some parents, and we talked about how we learned to function in leadership and social situations, doing "manually" what extraverts seem to do automatically. I actually enjoy it in the right setting -- and once we get past the opening gambits conversation flows a little more easily -- but it is like intense exercise. When it goes well it feels good, but then you are tired and your muscles need to rest and restore themselves.
I totally feel responsible for keeping conversations going -- but I have gotten better at realizing that it is not always *all my fault* when a group conversation is not flowing. I don't mind putting in more than my fair share of effort, but sometimes it just isn't going to happen. I'm very sensitive to whether people seem to be "tracking" -- whether we seem to be on the same wavelength -- and if we aren't it is really hard for me to press on. And then if someone says about me using "big words" or being smart, that's pretty much the end.
My husband is more stereotypical introvert, heading off by himself in the middle of parties (which does bug me), but my sense of "duty" makes me stay!
I'm introverted, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it with all you people watching.
ReplyDelete