Been doing a lot of research the last two weeks, mostly on Dabrowski, but I have followed many rabbit trails. I have been taking lots of notes and trying to synthesize the material for my own positive development.

Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:

"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy. 

Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others. 

On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel. 

The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "

This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)

Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.

In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:

Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice. 

On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.

Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop. 

On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.

Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.

On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.

Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.

People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.


Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?

For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.

I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.