Thanks to everyone for responding to my questions. I find it very interesting how many of us do feel pressure to entertain, to make everyone else feel at ease and to be "on" even when we are on the more introverted side of the scale.
I would like to respond to your comments here:
Forte - You didn't say if you are introverted or extroverted. I am wondering how much if this is socialized gender roles, being a "hostess" is a female/feminine quality. It could be that the men I mostly hang around with (I can think of a few exceptions) are Introverts, but this feeling of being responsible for the flow of conversation and the happiness of the group seems like more of a problem for women.
Kate - Good for you! I can almost never bring myself to bail. The feeling of "letting people down" hangs to heavily over me. Again, I can see this is an issue with me feeling overly responsible. I should make a point to take care of myself (and my immediate family.) I don't think I would be in danger of becoming too self-centered. I bet you are the same.
Mariposa - I have met you and you do seem very self-contained. I admire that. It was my stressful childhood that probably led me to feeling overly-responsible. Now that I am dealing with those issues I am starting to see that I need to take steps to be responsible for my own mental health and happiness. YKWIM?
Elizabeth - I am totally with you regarding family outings. As a homeschooler I never really enjoyed going on group field trips. I prefer to do things like that on our own schedule. My husband and Zoe are perfect to be with. When we add other people to the mix I start to stress about their enjoyment, happiness, level of interest, etc.
Alycia - So... would you say that you feel energized after spending time with people (outside of your family)? I am an introvert but not too far from extrovert on the Myers Brigg Personality Test. I look forward hanging out with my friends and I continue to seek them out for social calls. But I do get over-stimulated and it takes awhile for me to calm down to an even keel.
Shaun - I could have written this exactly! Even the parts about our husbands. Sometimes when I have parties I realize Pere has been missing for awhile and I find him "resting" in our bedroom. LOL. I think level of intelligence has a lot to do with my being able to enjoy spending time with someone. That and if they are actually a friendly and nice person. I still feel it is worth all kinds of jangled nerves to be able to get together with a group of really smart/funny people. I look forward to that yearly gathering. *hint hint*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No response to me. I see how it is.
ReplyDeleteYou were *resting* in the back room , Pere;) She's just giving you your space!
ReplyDeleteOk, Cher. I went and took the M-B test and I am an INTP. I * AM * introverted, although I enjoy people--on MY terms. I think that's my point. I literally get all jittery when something isn't going the way I think it *ought* to go. ( Just ask Mariposa about "sleepovers"--I literally had to have a Mojito to calm down! )
I think , because I often need to put out my feelers and "perceive" the world in order to know where i stand, I appear as an extrovert.
I am totally a big picture person, but I like to play with all of teh "what if's" in my head.
BTW, I SO am looking forward to the certain city-which-must-not-be-named, as well. I may need to be in a corner this time though;)
That small step may make it easier for me to discuss religion and politics. : /