I thought I would be clever and fly out of Chicago, so we wouldn't have to deal with possible flight delay at the South Bend airport and miss the flight in Chicago.
We drove to Chicago Thursday night and did a Park/Sleep/Fly thing, where we could keep our car parked at the hotel we stayed at the night before the flight and catch a shuttle back to it when we returned. That all worked out well except the hotel was pretty lame (a comfort inn near the airport.)
We got to the airport at 6:00 a.m. Friday morning for an 8:30 flight, my email confirmation said US Airways. We went to the US Airways kiosk, it said we had to call, All The Phones Were Out of Order! Then we stood in line to talk to someone, only to get to the front of the line and have the US Airways person say that the flight was actually going to be on a United plan, so we needed to run over to the United terminal.
Then we had to stand in line there for another 30 minutes. The ticket agent confirmed that we did have a reservation but she had a difficult time finding our ticket... what does that mean?
Due to extreme weather conditions, lightning, golf ball sized hail, etc we were delayed at the airport until the evening! This including getting on the airplane and then having to get off again because the pilots were due to get off their shift.
We finally got to Phoenix, but all the flights into Reno, were overbooked with LONG standby lists. And for some reason, if you miss your connecting flight due to weather US Airways put you at the bottom of their incomprehensible priority list.
We didn't get on the one remaining flight to Reno that night.
We called Greyhound to see if we could take a bus - takes 24 hours to get from Phoenix to Reno by bus. We tried other airlines. We checked Amtrak. We looked into renting a car, I think the drive was something like 13 hours and it was already like 10:00 at night and we had been up since 5:00 a.m.
So we slept in the airport, hoping to get the earliest flight out to Reno.
Nope, over booked again.
Next flight, overbooked by 16 and another long standby list.
By this point Zoe, Pere and I had each had our own freak-out moments. It was no pretty. Plus we were running out of money, having to have eaten 5 meals plus snacks at the airport.
We talked to customer service at US Airways about our chances of getting to Reno. They were not good, Father's Day weekend, weather, and some big event in Reno was causing all kind of havok. Basically there was nothing they could do for us. No hotel voucher, no food voucher, no help on standby, no consideration for our circumstances of traveling with an 8 year old and only having a weekend in Reno. There was no way were could get to Reno until Sunday afternoon at the earliest, then we would be turning around and leaving Monday.
Eventually we decided to skip Reno and go right to Los Angeles, the next leg of our journey. Somehow we could easily catch the night flight to Los Angeles.
Fast Forward to Sunday the 28th. I had already tried to confirm our flight online but US Airways website said I needed to call. So I called and the woman working for US Airways said I needed to talk to a ticketed agent at the airport the day of my flight because, I was confirmed but they couldn't find my tickets. Again??
So Sunday morning I get to LAX an extra hour early. We stand in one line, they tell us to go to another, we stand in the other for 30 minutes, then the ticketing agent says, We Can't Help You. Again the flight was booked by US Airways but they were using a United plan so we had to go to the United terminal... on the other side of the airport. WTF!
We ran with all our luggage through the parking structure, I was SO mad.
We spent 40 minutes with a United ticketing agent while she was on the phone with US Airways trying to find our tickets. Finally she hung -up on them because they wouldn't help and just made the tickets herself.
Oh yeah, and when I originally called US Airways to add the Los Angeles flight because my mother-in-law was having emergency brain surgery the lady on the phone told me it would be an EXTRA CHARGE of $2000 for the flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles and changing the Phoenix to Chicago return trip for Los Angeles to Chicago. I said "that's a lot! Can you check and see if there is a cheaper flight? It doesn't have to be non-stop" The lady on the phone got annoyed with me and then said hold on, she left me on hold for awhile and then came back and said "No." Yet, I could see that there were several cheaper flights on their website.
Also, at every airport I was in line with dozens of extremely irate flyers who had been bumped because of US Airways policy to overbook their flights.
We figured out that it would have taken 28 hours to drive from South Bend to Reno. After 36 hours we were still in Phoenix. So, next time I am driving.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Highly Sensitive Person
I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.
I was referred to it on a site about Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities. Dr. Aron doesn't specifically link her Sensitivities with giftedness. Although she does write that many gifted people are highly sensitive.
On her website she has a self-test and a checklist for your child. She describes the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as having a sensitive nervous system, an awareness of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and being more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.
There is also a wikipedia page about studies by people other than Dr. Aron, including Jung. An excerpt - research shows that about 15-20% of humans and higher animals have a nervous system that is more sensitive to subtleties. This means that regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
So far this book seem to be about reframing our past experiences with the idea that being sensitive, while being difficult at times, is beneficial and that we need to reclaim our right to be sensitive and protect ourselves so that we can function at our best. It also has exercises for reframing your own feelings regarding your sensitivities and helps you see them as assets.
When I was growing up I was neglected to the point where I wasn't supposed to show that I had any needs. So, of course, I was not allowed to label myself as "sensitive." I was often accused of being "too sensitive." I grew up thinking that my sensitivities were "weird" and possibly selfish and I tried to pretend they didn't exist and I would force myself into overarousing situations because I didn't feel I had the right to protect myself.
I also mislabeled many of my sensitivities as "pet peeves" or "weird reactions." While reading this book I have gone back and tried accept them as sensitivities that are part of me.
Some of my physical sensitivities:
Aural – I cannot tune out sounds. Zoe whistling, singing, water dripping, dog barking, a creaking door, cats fighting at 3 a.m. somewhere on my block, etc. I am a light sleeper because I hear everything and sometimes I have a hard time concentrating when there are noises.
Smell – I have a keen sense of smell. I have described it as being “assaulted”by smells. I also smell things that other people can’t. This has manifested in me being the only one to smell that the house was filling with gas when one of the cats turned on the stove top burner without the flame, being the one to smell the mold in the basement, etc
Sight – I am easily over-aroused by visual clutter. I can not relax when things are cluttery and not in their place. But I am also very moved by visual beauty, or even grotesque visages.
Touch – Tickling hurts me and I also have very sensitive skin.
Empathy – I pick up on the nervousness and awkwardness of others and jump to fill in the air space to comfort them. I feel so much empathy for the plight of others that I do not take care of myself in social situations but feel like I need to do whatever I can to make the other people comfortable, entertained, or, at least, distracted. Then later I am all frazzled. The book The Highly Sensitive Person gave me some good advice for dealing with this.
My body does not always have the usual reaction to medicine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. I have the reverse reaction or an over reaction.
Disney World, Chuckie Cheeses, The Fair, places like that make me overaroused because I like to have a calm system and it upsets the calm. I go and do them anyway but I have a hard time enjoying it because there are too many people, too much noise, too fast walking, and the system isn’t enough to calm me.
The thing that overarouses my sensitivity the most is me. I was not raised to listen to my body's needs or to respect my own reactions. I always put my needs aside, first for my mother, later for whomever seemed to need me.
Since I started reading this book I am starting to take better care of myself and not chastise myself when I can not do everything all the time. The book talks about a lot of the assets of being highly sensitive, some are:
creativity
intuition
surprising wisdom
empathy for others
quicker to sense danger
see the consequences of an action before others do
unusually creative and productive
thoughtful
reflective
notice things more than other people
a more understanding friend
good listeners
not willing to hurt people
A good counterpoint to the non-sensitive
There are others, check out the website or book if your interested.
I was referred to it on a site about Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities. Dr. Aron doesn't specifically link her Sensitivities with giftedness. Although she does write that many gifted people are highly sensitive.
On her website she has a self-test and a checklist for your child. She describes the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as having a sensitive nervous system, an awareness of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and being more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.
There is also a wikipedia page about studies by people other than Dr. Aron, including Jung. An excerpt - research shows that about 15-20% of humans and higher animals have a nervous system that is more sensitive to subtleties. This means that regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
So far this book seem to be about reframing our past experiences with the idea that being sensitive, while being difficult at times, is beneficial and that we need to reclaim our right to be sensitive and protect ourselves so that we can function at our best. It also has exercises for reframing your own feelings regarding your sensitivities and helps you see them as assets.
When I was growing up I was neglected to the point where I wasn't supposed to show that I had any needs. So, of course, I was not allowed to label myself as "sensitive." I was often accused of being "too sensitive." I grew up thinking that my sensitivities were "weird" and possibly selfish and I tried to pretend they didn't exist and I would force myself into overarousing situations because I didn't feel I had the right to protect myself.
I also mislabeled many of my sensitivities as "pet peeves" or "weird reactions." While reading this book I have gone back and tried accept them as sensitivities that are part of me.
Some of my physical sensitivities:
Aural – I cannot tune out sounds. Zoe whistling, singing, water dripping, dog barking, a creaking door, cats fighting at 3 a.m. somewhere on my block, etc. I am a light sleeper because I hear everything and sometimes I have a hard time concentrating when there are noises.
Smell – I have a keen sense of smell. I have described it as being “assaulted”by smells. I also smell things that other people can’t. This has manifested in me being the only one to smell that the house was filling with gas when one of the cats turned on the stove top burner without the flame, being the one to smell the mold in the basement, etc
Sight – I am easily over-aroused by visual clutter. I can not relax when things are cluttery and not in their place. But I am also very moved by visual beauty, or even grotesque visages.
Touch – Tickling hurts me and I also have very sensitive skin.
Empathy – I pick up on the nervousness and awkwardness of others and jump to fill in the air space to comfort them. I feel so much empathy for the plight of others that I do not take care of myself in social situations but feel like I need to do whatever I can to make the other people comfortable, entertained, or, at least, distracted. Then later I am all frazzled. The book The Highly Sensitive Person gave me some good advice for dealing with this.
My body does not always have the usual reaction to medicine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. I have the reverse reaction or an over reaction.
Disney World, Chuckie Cheeses, The Fair, places like that make me overaroused because I like to have a calm system and it upsets the calm. I go and do them anyway but I have a hard time enjoying it because there are too many people, too much noise, too fast walking, and the system isn’t enough to calm me.
The thing that overarouses my sensitivity the most is me. I was not raised to listen to my body's needs or to respect my own reactions. I always put my needs aside, first for my mother, later for whomever seemed to need me.
Since I started reading this book I am starting to take better care of myself and not chastise myself when I can not do everything all the time. The book talks about a lot of the assets of being highly sensitive, some are:
creativity
intuition
surprising wisdom
empathy for others
quicker to sense danger
see the consequences of an action before others do
unusually creative and productive
thoughtful
reflective
notice things more than other people
a more understanding friend
good listeners
not willing to hurt people
A good counterpoint to the non-sensitive
There are others, check out the website or book if your interested.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
omg
Or as Zoe would say "Oh Em Gee!"
I was just reading a wonderful article, Gifted People and their Problems by Francis Heylighen, PhD. I really want to post pretty much the entire article. I know it is going to sound horrible for me to say this describes me to a T, but it is such a perfect description that is makes me want to cry.
The following is a digest of the traits that are most often listed as characterizing “gifted” or “creative” individuals.
Cognition
original, unusual ideas, creativity, connects seemingly unrelated ideas
superior abilities to reason, generalize or problem solve, high intelligence
vivid and rich imagination
extensive vocabulary, verbal ability, fascinated by words
learns new things rapidly
excellent long term memory
grasps mathematical/scientific concepts readily, advanced comprehension, insightful
avid reader.
complex and deep thoughts, abstract thinker
runs mind on multiple tracks at the same time, fast thinker
Perception/emotion
highly sensitive
excellent/unusual sense of humour
very perceptive, good sense of observation
passionate, intense feelings
sensitive to small changes in environment
introverted
aware of things that others are not, perceive world differently
tolerance for ambiguity & complexity
can see many sides, considers problems from a number of viewpoints
childlike sense of wonder
openness to experience
emotional stability, serenity
Motivation/values
perfectionistic, sets high standards for self and others
very curious, desire to know
very independent, autonomous, less motivated by rewards and praise
seeker of ultimate truths, looks for patterns, meaning in life
enjoys challenge, penchant for risk-taking
outrage at injustice or moral breaches, good sense of justice
wide range of interests, overwhelmed by many interests and abilities
strong moral convictions, integrity, honesty
high drive
visionary, realizes visions, sense of destiny or mission
loves ideas and ardent discussion
sincerity
acceptance of self and others
Activity
great deal of energy
long attention span, sustains concentration on topics of interest, persistent
cannot stop thinking, work myself to exhaustion
needs periods of contemplation, solitude
spontaneity
Social relations
questions rules or authority, asks embarrassing questions, non-conforming
feels different, out of step with others, sense of alienation and loneliness
very compassionate
empathy: feels along with others, helps them understand themselves
The next two are a bit repetitive but I think even the difference in wording can trigger recognition.
Characteristics of Creative Genius
I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.
I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.
My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).
I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.
I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.
I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.
Characteristics of Gifted Adults
Perfectionistic and sets high standards for self and others.
Has strong moral convictions.
Is highly sensitive, perceptive or insightful.
Feels out-of-sync with others.
Is very curious.
Has an unusual sense of humour.
A good problem solver.
Has a vivid and rich imagination.
Questions rules or authority.
Has unusual ideas or connects seemingly unrelated ideas.
Thrives on challenge.
Learns new things rapidly.
Has a good long-term memory.
Feels overwhelmed by many interests and abilities.
Is very compassionate.
Feels outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted.
Has passionate, intense feelings.
Has a great deal of energy.
Can't switch off thinking.
Feels driven by creativity.
Loves ideas and ardent discussion.
Needs periods of contemplation.
Searches for ???? in their life.
Feels a sense of alienation and loneliness.
There are some new and interesting ideas that I haven't explored on my blog here:
The Intellectual and Psychosocial Nature of Extreme Giftedness
It has been reported that the higher the level of giftedness, the greater the chance of psychological and social adjustment difficulties.
Those of average ability have a greater need for external structure than the intellectually gifted.
One important difference, then, between average persons and their gifted counterparts is in the need of externally imposed structure.
The possession of the desire to know means that gifted individuals have a need to search for the inherent pattern, logic or meaning in a set of data information, while average people prefer to have the pattern, logic, or meaning already generated and explained.
Another problem for the highly gifted is they grow up with and are often socialized by significant others who do not
understand them well enough to guide their ideas and actions with valid feedback.
Misdiagnosis of the gifted
Unique interpersonal challenges that gifted individuals, couples and families encounter during their life span include :
learning to interact in the mainstream world;
manage expectations and pressures to fit the norm;
defuse unconscious hostility, resentment, antagonism and sabotage directed at them because they are perceived as intellectually, creatively or personally advantaged;
set appropriate boundaries for the utilization of their abilities;
collaborate with others, and manage the daily dilemmas of giftedness involving relatives, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, counselors, teachers and other members of the community.
*Whew!* Right?? How good is that??
I was just reading a wonderful article, Gifted People and their Problems by Francis Heylighen, PhD. I really want to post pretty much the entire article. I know it is going to sound horrible for me to say this describes me to a T, but it is such a perfect description that is makes me want to cry.
The following is a digest of the traits that are most often listed as characterizing “gifted” or “creative” individuals.
Cognition
original, unusual ideas, creativity, connects seemingly unrelated ideas
superior abilities to reason, generalize or problem solve, high intelligence
vivid and rich imagination
extensive vocabulary, verbal ability, fascinated by words
learns new things rapidly
excellent long term memory
grasps mathematical/scientific concepts readily, advanced comprehension, insightful
avid reader.
complex and deep thoughts, abstract thinker
runs mind on multiple tracks at the same time, fast thinker
Perception/emotion
highly sensitive
excellent/unusual sense of humour
very perceptive, good sense of observation
passionate, intense feelings
sensitive to small changes in environment
introverted
aware of things that others are not, perceive world differently
tolerance for ambiguity & complexity
can see many sides, considers problems from a number of viewpoints
childlike sense of wonder
openness to experience
emotional stability, serenity
Motivation/values
perfectionistic, sets high standards for self and others
very curious, desire to know
very independent, autonomous, less motivated by rewards and praise
seeker of ultimate truths, looks for patterns, meaning in life
enjoys challenge, penchant for risk-taking
outrage at injustice or moral breaches, good sense of justice
wide range of interests, overwhelmed by many interests and abilities
strong moral convictions, integrity, honesty
high drive
visionary, realizes visions, sense of destiny or mission
loves ideas and ardent discussion
sincerity
acceptance of self and others
Activity
great deal of energy
long attention span, sustains concentration on topics of interest, persistent
cannot stop thinking, work myself to exhaustion
needs periods of contemplation, solitude
spontaneity
Social relations
questions rules or authority, asks embarrassing questions, non-conforming
feels different, out of step with others, sense of alienation and loneliness
very compassionate
empathy: feels along with others, helps them understand themselves
The next two are a bit repetitive but I think even the difference in wording can trigger recognition.
Characteristics of Creative Genius
I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.
I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.
My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).
I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.
I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.
I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.
Characteristics of Gifted Adults
Perfectionistic and sets high standards for self and others.
Has strong moral convictions.
Is highly sensitive, perceptive or insightful.
Feels out-of-sync with others.
Is very curious.
Has an unusual sense of humour.
A good problem solver.
Has a vivid and rich imagination.
Questions rules or authority.
Has unusual ideas or connects seemingly unrelated ideas.
Thrives on challenge.
Learns new things rapidly.
Has a good long-term memory.
Feels overwhelmed by many interests and abilities.
Is very compassionate.
Feels outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted.
Has passionate, intense feelings.
Has a great deal of energy.
Can't switch off thinking.
Feels driven by creativity.
Loves ideas and ardent discussion.
Needs periods of contemplation.
Searches for ???? in their life.
Feels a sense of alienation and loneliness.
There are some new and interesting ideas that I haven't explored on my blog here:
The Intellectual and Psychosocial Nature of Extreme Giftedness
It has been reported that the higher the level of giftedness, the greater the chance of psychological and social adjustment difficulties.
Those of average ability have a greater need for external structure than the intellectually gifted.
One important difference, then, between average persons and their gifted counterparts is in the need of externally imposed structure.
The possession of the desire to know means that gifted individuals have a need to search for the inherent pattern, logic or meaning in a set of data information, while average people prefer to have the pattern, logic, or meaning already generated and explained.
Another problem for the highly gifted is they grow up with and are often socialized by significant others who do not
understand them well enough to guide their ideas and actions with valid feedback.
Misdiagnosis of the gifted
Unique interpersonal challenges that gifted individuals, couples and families encounter during their life span include :
learning to interact in the mainstream world;
manage expectations and pressures to fit the norm;
defuse unconscious hostility, resentment, antagonism and sabotage directed at them because they are perceived as intellectually, creatively or personally advantaged;
set appropriate boundaries for the utilization of their abilities;
collaborate with others, and manage the daily dilemmas of giftedness involving relatives, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, counselors, teachers and other members of the community.
*Whew!* Right?? How good is that??
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Androgyny
I was reminded in some recently readings that gifted people usually have more androgynous traits than the average person.
I heard Sandra Bem's Sex Role Inventory test and found it online. Here is a link to a pdf of the test, it tells you how to tally it all up and what your score means.
Here is how Wikipedia describes the test:
The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.
The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine female is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.[2]
You can score Feminine, Nearly Feminine, Androgynous, Nearly Masculine, and Masculine.
I scored Masculine, which is no surprise to me. I scored highly on both masculine and feminine and neutral, but overall more traits that are considered masculine apply to me.
Pere scored Masculine, overall more masculine than me as he scored very low on feminine/expressive traits.
Zoe scored Androgynous, which pleases me. People who are more androgynous are more flexible and supposedly, mentally healthy. :)
It is all very interesting to me. I've have a problem with rigid gender roles, especially since I fall outside of them. I bristle at being confined to a traditional female role. I think that being a gifted female and an INTJ makes it even more difficult for people to relate to me and vice versus. Throw in my over-excitabilities and I am just a bundle of contradictions.
I heard Sandra Bem's Sex Role Inventory test and found it online. Here is a link to a pdf of the test, it tells you how to tally it all up and what your score means.
Here is how Wikipedia describes the test:
The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.
The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine female is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.[2]
You can score Feminine, Nearly Feminine, Androgynous, Nearly Masculine, and Masculine.
I scored Masculine, which is no surprise to me. I scored highly on both masculine and feminine and neutral, but overall more traits that are considered masculine apply to me.
Pere scored Masculine, overall more masculine than me as he scored very low on feminine/expressive traits.
Zoe scored Androgynous, which pleases me. People who are more androgynous are more flexible and supposedly, mentally healthy. :)
It is all very interesting to me. I've have a problem with rigid gender roles, especially since I fall outside of them. I bristle at being confined to a traditional female role. I think that being a gifted female and an INTJ makes it even more difficult for people to relate to me and vice versus. Throw in my over-excitabilities and I am just a bundle of contradictions.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Dabrowski's Levels of Personal Development
Third of my posts on Dabrowski. The first described Overexcitabilities, the second his Theory of Positive Disintegration.
According to Dabrowski there are Five Levels of Personal Development. Individuals with the three factors of overexcitabilities, abilities and talents, and the drive for autonomous expression can more readily achieve the higher levels of development.
Dabrowski studied gifted and talented children and made a list of "symptoms" that may reflect the potential for higher development:
May display unusual sensitivity, frequent crises, anxieties, depression, perfectionism, etc.
May express strong positive maladjustment. (not adjusting to society's self-interested values)
Strong sense they are different, don’t fit in.
Have conflicts with social morality.
Feel alienated from others, from their peers.
Level 1: Primary Integration
At this level the personality is primarily influenced by biological impulses. They are driven by selfishness and and controlled by lower instincts. For those at Primary Integration "the ends justify the means", there is little introspection and little inner conflict.
Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration
This level features brief, often intense, crisis or series of crises. The individual sees there are choices to make but the choices are morally equivalent. There is a feeling of ambivalence. Their problems occur again and again with no break through towards more positive development.
At this point, if the person's has strong developmental potential they may experience existential depression. The resolution of this phase is when the individual replaces society's mores with their own individually chosen hierarchal values. The person feels the conflict between the behaviors of themselves and others. The ethics of the prevailing social order are no longer adequate. This crisis leads to abandoning social conformity and developing a unique value system.
Level 2 is a transition phase. At this phase a person will either fall back or move ahead. The transition from Level 2 to Level 3 is difficult and requires a considerable about of energy.
Level 3: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration
At this level the individual is able to visualize the ideal or higher path choice. It is spontaneous because it is involuntary. You cannot "un-see" the higher path. The Multilevelness is the different levels of behavior, from lower to higher, that are compared and chosen from. Multilevelness also describes the perceptions drawn on during this level, thinking, feeling, imagination, empathy, etc.
At Level 3 the choice to take the higher path is clear and obvious, the person no longer feels the ambivalence of Level 2. That does not mean that the choices in Level 3 are easier. There are the external conflicts involved with choosing a non-conformist path and there is inner conflict when the individual fails to live up to his or her ideals. Movement through Level 3 is by a series of Positive Disintegrations, reaching for the "what could be" and away from the "what is."
Dabrowsi found that sadness, depression and anxiety are common in Level 3. This may be a good time to seek therapy, as long as the therapist is supportive of developing personality and not pathologizing the process.
Level 3 is when the person's value structure begins to support the development of their idealized self.
Level 4 - Directed Multilevel Disintegration
At Level 4 the spontaneous positive development of Level 3 is replaced by a deliberate choosing of the positive qualities in one's self and the rejection of the negative. The belief system is reconstructed with carefully chosen ideals replacing lower automatic, self-interested views. It is thought that people can and do move back and forth between levels, especially 3 and 4.
Behavior is also less reactive, and more compassionate towards one's self and others. Dabrowski wrote, "individuals of this kind feel responsible for the realization of justice and for the protection of others against harm and injustice. Their feelings of responsibility extend almost to everything"
People at Level 4, while having respect for every person, are often at conflict with society's lower level values. The person at this level tries to change the world to their idealized vision, through expression of their unique talents and abilities.
The ideal of Level 4 is a self-aware and self-chosen personality living at their full potential .
Level 5 - Secondary Integration
At level 5 behavior conforms to personalized hierarchal value structure. Art and creative expression is visionary and unique. Positive advances in society are associated with the integrated personality at Level 5.
Very few individuals will ever reach Level 5, but, it is thought that there are levels within the Level that are more attainable.
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This description of the Levels of Personal Development goes along with the Theory of Positive Disintegration. It may be help to view your child's anxieties, depressions, and conflicts as a sign of potential for positive development.
According to Dabrowski there are Five Levels of Personal Development. Individuals with the three factors of overexcitabilities, abilities and talents, and the drive for autonomous expression can more readily achieve the higher levels of development.
Dabrowski studied gifted and talented children and made a list of "symptoms" that may reflect the potential for higher development:
May display unusual sensitivity, frequent crises, anxieties, depression, perfectionism, etc.
May express strong positive maladjustment. (not adjusting to society's self-interested values)
Strong sense they are different, don’t fit in.
Have conflicts with social morality.
Feel alienated from others, from their peers.
Level 1: Primary Integration
At this level the personality is primarily influenced by biological impulses. They are driven by selfishness and and controlled by lower instincts. For those at Primary Integration "the ends justify the means", there is little introspection and little inner conflict.
Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration
This level features brief, often intense, crisis or series of crises. The individual sees there are choices to make but the choices are morally equivalent. There is a feeling of ambivalence. Their problems occur again and again with no break through towards more positive development.
At this point, if the person's has strong developmental potential they may experience existential depression. The resolution of this phase is when the individual replaces society's mores with their own individually chosen hierarchal values. The person feels the conflict between the behaviors of themselves and others. The ethics of the prevailing social order are no longer adequate. This crisis leads to abandoning social conformity and developing a unique value system.
Level 2 is a transition phase. At this phase a person will either fall back or move ahead. The transition from Level 2 to Level 3 is difficult and requires a considerable about of energy.
Level 3: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration
At this level the individual is able to visualize the ideal or higher path choice. It is spontaneous because it is involuntary. You cannot "un-see" the higher path. The Multilevelness is the different levels of behavior, from lower to higher, that are compared and chosen from. Multilevelness also describes the perceptions drawn on during this level, thinking, feeling, imagination, empathy, etc.
At Level 3 the choice to take the higher path is clear and obvious, the person no longer feels the ambivalence of Level 2. That does not mean that the choices in Level 3 are easier. There are the external conflicts involved with choosing a non-conformist path and there is inner conflict when the individual fails to live up to his or her ideals. Movement through Level 3 is by a series of Positive Disintegrations, reaching for the "what could be" and away from the "what is."
Dabrowsi found that sadness, depression and anxiety are common in Level 3. This may be a good time to seek therapy, as long as the therapist is supportive of developing personality and not pathologizing the process.
Level 3 is when the person's value structure begins to support the development of their idealized self.
Level 4 - Directed Multilevel Disintegration
At Level 4 the spontaneous positive development of Level 3 is replaced by a deliberate choosing of the positive qualities in one's self and the rejection of the negative. The belief system is reconstructed with carefully chosen ideals replacing lower automatic, self-interested views. It is thought that people can and do move back and forth between levels, especially 3 and 4.
Behavior is also less reactive, and more compassionate towards one's self and others. Dabrowski wrote, "individuals of this kind feel responsible for the realization of justice and for the protection of others against harm and injustice. Their feelings of responsibility extend almost to everything"
People at Level 4, while having respect for every person, are often at conflict with society's lower level values. The person at this level tries to change the world to their idealized vision, through expression of their unique talents and abilities.
The ideal of Level 4 is a self-aware and self-chosen personality living at their full potential .
Level 5 - Secondary Integration
At level 5 behavior conforms to personalized hierarchal value structure. Art and creative expression is visionary and unique. Positive advances in society are associated with the integrated personality at Level 5.
Very few individuals will ever reach Level 5, but, it is thought that there are levels within the Level that are more attainable.
***************
This description of the Levels of Personal Development goes along with the Theory of Positive Disintegration. It may be help to view your child's anxieties, depressions, and conflicts as a sign of potential for positive development.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Been doing a lot of research the last two weeks, mostly on Dabrowski, but I have followed many rabbit trails. I have been taking lots of notes and trying to synthesize the material for my own positive development.
Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:
"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy.
Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others.
On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel.
The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "
This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)
Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.
In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:
Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice.
On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.
Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop.
On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.
Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.
On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.
Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.
People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.
Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?
For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.
I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.
Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:
"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy.
Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others.
On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel.
The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "
This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)
Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.
In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:
Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice.
On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.
Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop.
On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.
Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.
On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.
Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.
People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.
Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?
For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.
I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.
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