homeschooling today

Math - 45 minutes of Geometry. Zoe was measuring angles and finding angles. It was all easy and she went through it quickly.

Language Arts - 45 minutes of Language Arts. Today she learned about the punctuation used in sentences with clauses, for example:
Independent Clause and, Independent Clause
Independent Clause; Independent Clause
Dependent Clause, Independent Clause
Independent Clause Dependent Clause

Zoe loves her Michael Clay Thompson language arts books.

History - 30 minutes. She read the Horrible Histories book Angry Aztec. There was lots of exclaiming about human sacrifices and cannibalism.

Science - 1 hour. Finishing last years science book, reading about Water Conservation, doing some experiments, brainstorming, deciding which ideas are most practical, and recording statistics.

Art - 30 minutes. Learning about texture. I blindfolded her and we to into the neighbors garden. I had her touch difference plants, feel their texture. Then she picked one of the plants and made a sketch.






After lunch we had Mommy Time - hanging out on the porch, trying to make each other laugh. We skipped Reading and Music because I really needed to grocery shopping.

Today was also her first day back to gymnastics.

accepting myself

The book I am reading, The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacbosen, has caused to me realize that most of my issues about being gifted are in the relationship area.

I go through this vicious circle of trying to fit in- not really being able to fit in- feeling like an outsider- deciding to just be myself- feeling very insecure about that- feeling very hurt if anyone doesn't accept me- deciding to hide out and stop hanging around with people- deciding that is not healthy and that I need to get out there again - trying to fit in - yadda - yadda - yadda.

I think one of my problems is that I do not really accept myself. I had very mixed messages from society in general about being gifted, and especially about being a gifted woman. I got negative message from my mother about... well about most everything but my giftedness was definitely a negative in her mind.

I go from being very ON and INTENSE and CHARISMATIC to needing personal space, withdrawing, as a means of self-protection.

When I am with other gifted folk I don't really need to tone it down and those relationships are really important to me. But the real world isn't full of people who are comfortable with what I bring to the table. I need to live in the world with those people but I am tired of this merry-go-round.

From the book The Gifted Adult:

"To feel like a outsider, to constantly pressure yourself to hold back your gifts in order to fit in or avoid disapproval..."

"the only hope the "odd one" has of fitting in seems to depend upon continuous self-monitoring and keeping one's peculiarities in check."

"to defend ourselves from undue prejudice, many of us protect ourselves by pretending to be without gifts... a charade that provide a small measure of solace and refuge."

"we are apt to remain lost in a culture that has no way to understand us, much less support us."

"none of these gifts come without a price. We pay as we go with risk, disheartening disapproval, and the emotional toll of making creative contributions to today's world."

"by detangling ourselves from the tight knots that arise whenever we search for nods of approval by trying to explain who we are and why we are different and what we are up to, we set ourselves free."


It is not all bad, and the book goes through the mental exercises of naming, recognizing and supporting your gifts and yourself.

I post these quotes because sometimes I need to remind myself that my difficulties in relationships are common for gifted adults. I need to remind myself that it is not "just me" and that trying even harder to fit in is not the answer.

Self-acceptance is the answer. And that's not easy, especially with the mother I had. But I am putting a lot of effort into it and I know that I am a very capable person.

And maybe someday, when I am more self-accepting, spending hours in the company of someone who actively, yet passive aggressively, rejects me will not bother me so much. But for now the best I can do it turn it into an opportunity to learn and grow while trying not to let to shake my self-esteem.

back to school special

Monday was officially our first day back to school. Zoe is in... 7th/8th grade now.

This Fall we have a very detailed schedule. It looks like this:

Math - Singapore, 45 minutes a day five days a week.

Plus she wants to continue going to our local Math Circle group that she had her camp with this summer. It's in the evenings twice a week and on Sunday. I don't think she'll be going every time, maybe once or twice a week to work on applied math projects.

Language Arts - Michael Clay Thompson Grammar Voyage, Essay Voyage, Caesar's English II, World of Poetry and Lightning Literature 8th grade. She will do L.A. four days a week for 45 min and on day for 1 hour.

Zoe is signed up for an online humanities program for gifted students, Online G3. They also use MCTLA and LL. So she will be doing some of her Language Arts assignments online and will attend two 50 min Webinars a week.

Social Studies - A History of US and various other resources. She's doing Social Studies 4 days a week, 30 minutes for two days and 45 minutes for the other two.

Zoe gets Calliope and Odyssey magazines which cover a lot of great social studies topics in a fun way. This year I am going to spend more time on geography. Zoe really doesn't know much about it. I will be coming up with fun mini projects for that.

History of US is another class Zoe is taking with Online G3. I am really interested in how these online classes are going to work out. She will be distance learning with other gifted kids and with teacher's who really get gifted kids.

Science - This year Zoe is doing middle school science from Singapore. I did a lot of research this summer and came up with their Interactive Science for Inquiring Minds. I also found this great company that provides hands-on science lab kits, eScience Labs. I am ordering her the Life Science kit for middle school.

Zoe will be doing science four days a week, 45 mins for 2 day and 1 hour for the other two.

Her other classes are:

Art - Artistic Pursuits, 45 mins twice a week

Reading - assigned reading from Lightning Literature and books from Classics in the Classroom by MCT. 30 mins four days a week.

Read-Aloud - I like to read-aloud certain books. I still enjoy being part of that experience with Zoe. Our whole family regularly reads aloud to each other. 30 mins a day 4 days a week

Then Zoe has her lessons that originate outside of the home, Music, Japanese, and Gymnastics.

Zoe's music teacher has big plans for her this year, some competitions and stuff. Her lesson is one hour and at home she practices piano and voice for one hour a day. She loves to sing more than play on the piano but now that we have the baby grand both her and Pere wander over to the piano and play me little tunes throughout the day.

Zoe is studying for the Japanese Language Proficiency Exam this year. Japanese is getting extra hard, for me anyway. I can't keep up with her. I think she is doing well but it is hard for me to tell. She has an hour long lesson at the college once a week and gets her homework done in 30 min a day 4 days a week.

Zoe is getting back into gymnastics this Fall. She didn't really like her class at the YMCA last fall. So now I am driving kind far to a bigger better gym. *raised eyebrow* But, really the drive is not that far compared to what I used to drive in Los Angeles. Zoe. Zoe is taking gymnastics twice a week. She really loves gymnastics and needs to get her energy out.

So that is everything... (except choir and Sunday school which have no homework)

The big difference this year is that I am taking time in the afternoons to write my novel. So I ordered Zoe's classes so that the classes that don't really require my presence are after 2:00. It doesn't totally work. I would rather be there to listen during music and Japanese. But writing my book is very important to me so I have to make this compromise.

I made a written schedule fitting in all her lessons and classes and downtime and freetime and mommy time and lunch and tea time. We will see how it works out.

I like having a schedule like this. It is easier for me. It is kind of like how I write up a menu for the coming week so I know what we are going to have for dinner each night and not waiting until 5:00 p.m. and going "Hmmm, what am I going to make for dinner?" When have my menu and all the ingredients dinner is much easier. And the meals our personalized favorite, nutritious and healthy for our particular diets. But that doesn't mean we can't scrap dinner plans and go out to eat or order take-out.

Same with the schedule, the schedule is there for most days and it helps us not waste time wondering what to do next. But the schedule is not the master. It is a tool.

12 minute blog post

Twleve minutes till the hardboiled eggs for tomorrow breakfast are done, then time for beer and two ibuprofen.

My laptop kind a broke. Fixing it involves taking EVERYTHING off of it and backing it up which is a time consuming process.

I spent much of the week making a very involved fall school schedule for Zoe involving graph paper, and highlighters (cause I have no computer.)

Writing on my book is mostly on hold (because I have no computer) so I have been reading some library books and making notes in a college lined spiral notebook (so oldschool!)

I have many things to post. The book The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen... it is all that and a bag of chips. Really. My only complaint is that I wish there were more, like a workbook or something.

Zoe... oh sweet Zoe. She has made one of those noticable jumps in intelligence/maturity that gifted kids make yet are still astounding everytime. Her vocabulary amazed me. She is getting even more self-reflective. Her sense of humor is fraktastic. She is always always always thinking, creating, plotting, experiencing life... all to be so young again.

Not that I am so old. But sometimes my back feels like I'm 100, hence the beer and pain meds.

We went to the zoo Thursday.



times up

Lets get intense

I realize that I have been chasing the illusion of acceptance for a long time. I say "the illusion" because many people only see a false persona that I feel comfortable sharing with, what I sometimes feel is, an unsafe and judging world.

I talk fast. When I get excited about a subject my words come fast and I have an intensity to my voice. I really like it when someone gets on that train with me and we share an intense exchange of ideas.

I feel intensely. When I get excited by a new idea I get really excited. When I see someone hurting I hurt too. When I see a wrong I feel responsible for righting it. I see how things "could be" and "should be" and my mind has several tracks running at once, consciously and unconsciously, trying to fix the world.

I have a highly developed sense of right and wrong. I sometimes see it as my personal responsibility to fight injustices, to reveal untruths, and to confront selfish and hurtful behavior and attempt to put a stop to it. If I try to just walk away and ignore it I feel guilty, like I am part of the problem. I can't live with that. But sometimes I don't have all the answers.

I have a lot of things I am good at and a lot of things I am interested in. Do what I love? I would do ten thousand things. If I have one clear path to follow it is to keep learning, keep synthesizing and keep producing. Life is a banquet.

I am very sensitive. I feel too open to other people's feelings sometimes. Is it a gift? Is it a curse? Both? I notice everything. I see the subtlest details and gain a multitude of information from body language, a glance, word choice, tone, etc. I could explain it but it wouldn't make sense. Sometimes I feel like I can see right through the public persona people try to show me. I want to respond to them on an authentic level, to say "I see right through you."

I love being in nature. I fall in love with the bright fuchsia of the flower, the innumerable shades of green, the adorable tiny toad, the evolution of camouflage, trying to imagine what the birds are saying to each other, the heartbreaking beauty of the sunset and I marvel that it happens everyday. I always feel better about myself and life when I take time to be outside. I love many things but nature both uplifts and centers me.

I am a serious person. I care very strongly about getting things right, doing them the right way, doing my best, creating something that I can only see in my minds eye, communicating what is important to me, and living in alignment with my strong values. This makes me feel good. It gives me satisfaction. I don't care about things being easy. I don't want to live life on the surface, shallow and smooth. I like challenges and I feel really good when I meet them. If I don't have a challenge I make one for myself. I like to be always moving forward, getting better, perfecting, innovating, and producing.

Not that I don't appreciate being idle at times. Not that I can't be playful and joke around. I have a great sense of humor. But I need to be the best I am capable of.

If I stop chasing acceptance and allow myself to be me what will happen? I think at least I need to accept myself, all of me, the good, the bad, the intensities, even if no one else does.

I may still yearn for acceptance. But, it is only an illusion if I am holding so much of myself back. People may not understand me but that is not so different from how things are already. I have never been that good at hiding anyway. But, I fear that I have spent so much time trying to fit in that I am losing touch with vital parts of myself, the real me. Luckily I can sense it is all still in there, rattling the cage even. :)

*sigh*

I am feeling kinda junky about losing some friends recently. One moved away and another I made the decision to stop hanging out with. I had been feeling pretty strong about making the hard but ultimately right choice. Today I just feel like I have no one to reach out to. :S

I am reading this book, The Gifted Adult by Mary- Elaine Jacobsen. Here are some passages I've underlined:

"We are afraid to be vulnerable and open to others, yet we are terrified of being alone and misunderstood in our relationships. We can become bewildered and distrust our perceptions and ideas while at the same time be fervently attached to them because we know they are right."

"The process of discovering that what we've been told is wrong with is is precisely what's right and intelligent about us must begin with choosing to confront disapproval, something most of us have tried tirelessly to avoid."

"Our life experience is unavoidably set along a hazardous route, somewhere between self-denial and high-risk individuality. We may reasonable wonder where is the road that leads to fulfillment without dead-ending in loneliness? The answer is often found in self-understanding."

Fresh Starts

I haven't been blogging because I have been jealously guarding my time to work on my novel. I am in a really exciting stage and working on it every chance I get.

But I figured I should probably write something here about my birthday. I'm thirty-six now and I think this year will be a year of many good things. Right now it feels like the year of Fresh Starts.

This is my first birthday being No Contact with my mom and FU No Contact with my sister (FU means what you think it means, it's a kind of more aggressively angry No Contact. :P)

My best friend here in South Bend moved to Seattle this weekend. I saw her on Thursday, and Friday and Saturday. Thursday the ladies cried together but I wasn't up for that. I went home and cried in privacy and wrote her this note:

Dear J,

I can’t believe you are moving. You have been my good friend in South Bend, someone who I trust, respect, and like.

More than any other woman you have taught me what it means to be a good friend. Please accept my thanks and admiration and know in your heart that you are a wonderful person who brings kindness and warmth with you wherever you go.

You deserve more than this simple letter and now that you are going I regret every time I thought to do something nice for you and didn’t. It would have never occurred to me the many sneaky, clever, and fun ways that a friend can show another friend that they are thought of and cared for until I saw how you elevated random acts to kindness into joyful expressions of friendship.

I will try to keep that spirit of friendship that you taught me with me even after you go. I also have the gladiolus that you gave me blooming in my backyard. They will remind me of the multitude of sweet and supportive benefits of female friendship in general and of your own wonderful mix of extraordinary caring, gentle honesty, and great deadpan humor.

Have fun in your new life, embrace it and know that you can do so many things. We will miss you and your beautiful family. Don’t forget us!

Your friend always,

*sniff sniff*

I guess I am more worried about Zoe losing her bestfriend though. J's daughter was Zoe's best friend in South Bend. I thought it was really touching when Zoe told me that she is going to try to take on the role her friend had in the group, as the leader and the person who listened to everyone and got everyone together to make decisions. Zoe thought that would be a way to honor her friend. :)

So, that is sad, and I know the fallout of it hasn't really hit us yet. I still managed to have a very good birthday.

I got several books including Buffy. Spike and Firefly graphic novels, Coraline on Blu-ray. season 3 of the Muppets, gift cards to salon and Target and a stained glass screen. To quote Daffy Duck "Whadda haul! Whadda haul!"

On Saturday Pere made my traditional birthday meal of seafood gumbo. *yum* And we had our friends over for a birthday/farewell dinner.

Sunday the three of us went inner-tubing down Sugar Creek. It was sooo much fun! We spent about 4 hours on the water relaxing, playing games, and paddling around. It was a really great time. I used to go tubing down a much faster river when I was a kid and when I was trying to think of something I wanted to do for my birthday this was my second idea. My first idea was to do a TreeTop Zip-Line Adventure but we have to wait on that till Zoe is 70lbs and 10. (Although Pere and I might do it without her before then.)

So... anyhoo. Things are strangely good. Probably because I am so excited about my book. And I am confident that I have been making really good choices that are leading my life in a heathy direction.