I am feeling kinda junky about losing some friends recently. One moved away and another I made the decision to stop hanging out with. I had been feeling pretty strong about making the hard but ultimately right choice. Today I just feel like I have no one to reach out to. :S
I am reading this book, The Gifted Adult by Mary- Elaine Jacobsen. Here are some passages I've underlined:
"We are afraid to be vulnerable and open to others, yet we are terrified of being alone and misunderstood in our relationships. We can become bewildered and distrust our perceptions and ideas while at the same time be fervently attached to them because we know they are right."
"The process of discovering that what we've been told is wrong with is is precisely what's right and intelligent about us must begin with choosing to confront disapproval, something most of us have tried tirelessly to avoid."
"Our life experience is unavoidably set along a hazardous route, somewhere between self-denial and high-risk individuality. We may reasonable wonder where is the road that leads to fulfillment without dead-ending in loneliness? The answer is often found in self-understanding."
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"Chosing to confront disaproval" boy does the entire passage ring true but especially that litte phrase. For to long I have denied being myself around most people because I was always trying to avoid the disaproval of others. Just recently I've been finally getting past it, I hope it continues.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your feeling the loss of your friends. Know you are loved and missed terribly my friend. :)
The negotiating is ongoing -- and exhausting! I totally get the "not trusting perceptions," especially if the alternative seems to be that you're the only one who sees something a particular way.
ReplyDeleteOne thing: the older I get, the easier it gets.
Gwen - Thanks so much. *pouting face* I miss you guys! More on the disapproval of others later.
ReplyDeleteShaun - I agree it does get easier as you get older. I feel like, at 36, I am early bird going through that mid-life confidence boost that some women have. I thought it might be another 10 years but, I am putting a lot of time into this so maybe I will see the fruits of my labors earlier.