Today Zoe was working on a book called The World of the Fey. She wrote a really sweet introduction. Her writing is getting really good!
So she is illustrating the cover and she says "I don't really believe in fairies but I want to. So I like to pretend I do."
I agreed with what she was saying. I went to get a drink and when I came back she had tears in her eyes.
"Mommy" she said, her chin quivering, "I have something to say but I'm afraid you'll be mad at me. "
"Oh no!" I told her. "I won't be mad! What's the matter?"
"It's like the fairies... sometimes I don't believe in God." The tears came more readily now. "I want to. I want to believe in him but I think I might just be pretending!"
I opened my arms to her and she climbed onto my lap. I hugged her and rubbed her back. 'Oh Honey! That's okay. That's totally normal! People who are really smart, sometimes they need more than someone else telling them what to believe. Even people that have faith, sometimes they question it. Sometimes they struggle. It's okay. It's okay."
We talked some more. She told me she wanted to be a good Jew and that she felt guilt and I explained that you can be Jewish and still have your doubts about God. And that she doesn't have to believe anything. And that she can keep trying to have faith if she wants to and when she wants to.
We talked about prayer and why we say them and why we might keep saying prayers even if we are not sure God is listening.
*big heavy sigh*
I'm glad I got to have that conversation with her. It's a big one.
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It sounds like you have a good relationship. It is not an easy issue to discuss, and what you leave out they may see right through.
ReplyDeleteWe took ours out of Sunday school.
Aww:(
ReplyDeleteGrace decided quite a while ago about it. We had been taking her to UU, and she just didn't want to go back one Sunday. We *were* taking her to a temple, but she isn't really into that either. Her preferred place of "worship" is amongst the trees and flowers. :D
If Z wants to talk "girl-to-girl", I am more-than-sure Grace would be supportive.
That is a VERY big discussion to have. It sounds liek you did great!
((hugs)) Poor Z! If my Grandfather was still alive, he'd tell her she was a Fabulous Jew..she already feels guilty! LOL
ReplyDeleteSeriously..you handle these big topics so well with her.
Kate - that is what Pere said, about the guilt. *Grin*
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky girl -- kids have to know that questions are OK, and so often they get the opposite message. My girls have both gone back and forth on the "God question" -- obviously Violet more so -- and I assume they will continue to.
ReplyDeleteI am a big believer in the (unpleasant!) necessity of a spiritual community -- this is my Buddhist background, *not* my Christian one -- but for my kids it is not so simple. The asynchrony issue makes typical spiritual formation groups for kids -- even "ecumenical" ones like UU -- really really hard. We've abandoned our church program (too childish), and we won't be going back to the other church's program we just finished (too dogmatic).
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I just wanted to say that I think it's great that Z. can be so open with you.
Mariposa - Wow! I might like to ask you about that if we see each other this summer.
ReplyDeleteForte - Wow, I would like to able a fly on the wall in that conversation. Thanks for the offer. I'll let Zoe know.
ReplyDeleteShaun - I was really pleased that she talked to me about this. I'm glad we are so close.
ReplyDeleteZoe loves Sunday School. I think she likes doing art with the other kids, singing and playing games. But yesterday they discussed the Holocaust. :( When I asked her about it on the way home she said that she didn't want to talk about it right now. I had to respect that.