Ray of Light

Today I had a wonderful surprise! My good friend brought over a basket filled with goodies symbolizing wonderful things she wants for me to have in my life.

Not only did she she choose each aspect of the goody for it's symbolism, she wrote down all the meanings for me in uplifting and funny prose.

*sigh* I am so lucky!

She made this to cheer me up because last night, after Passover dinner, we were standing around cleaning up the kitchen and I told her how and why Easter weekend is hard for me.

Since I don't want to be too mysterious I will share that I was kidnapped from my father 30 years ago on Good Friday. I remember hunting for plastic Easter eggs behind some curtain in a strange hotel room.

While I know things were bad before that, and there are reasons why my mother stole me away, that weekend was the first really bad, really traumatic event of my life.

This Easter/Passover is the first major holiday since we moved here that we are not spending with our extended family. I know that today my mother and step-father and sister and nephews and niece and others are all celebrating together. And I am not. I know it is my choice. But if I went over there it would be just like every other holiday and I would come home feeling stressed and upset, having taken more abuse from my mentally ill mother.

So yeah, it is pretty yucky. But part of my therapy homework is to "own" my history, to not deny it or minimize it. To recognize what wasn't normal, what was unhealthy, what was abusive, etc. As a great man once said, "Knowing is half the battle." *wink*
Once you know that something is wrong and how something is wrong you can start to make it right. And that is pretty much the place I am at now.

But I have something else. I have made many friends since I moved here, people that I really look forward to spending time with. And I have this friend who was up at midnight last night and thought to try to cheer me up.

Besides being mind-bogglingly thoughtful, she maybe made me feel totally different about the world and my place in it.

Thirty years ago when I was taken from my father I was taken without a word of explanation. I was not allowed to question. I was not allowed to cry. From then on, no expressions of grief were allowed. So, of course, no one ever had to cheer me up.

That my friend went to so much trouble to cheer me up, gives me something to look forward to now, when much of my time these days is spent looking backwards at darkness. She is a ray of light.

So the things my friend wants for me to have are:
That I will come to know what I am made of
A chance to breathe anew and start afresh
Miracles brought from the power of prayer
Glad messages of hope for a life reborn
That when things get hard and I work harder I have God's help (and she worked in a Flight of the Conchords reference!)
To have fun in Greece and have the strength of the Grecian Goddesses
To dig out some of the "weeds" choking my happiness
To Launch myself into everything that I do
To do something "radical"
To take a chance
To get moving!
To pass around more happy smiles. :)

It really brings tears to my eyes to have such a kind-hearted, funny, smart, wonderful friend. It is wonderful to have someone shine some of their goodness and well-wishes on you. It helps you grow.