I thought I would be clever and fly out of Chicago, so we wouldn't have to deal with possible flight delay at the South Bend airport and miss the flight in Chicago.
We drove to Chicago Thursday night and did a Park/Sleep/Fly thing, where we could keep our car parked at the hotel we stayed at the night before the flight and catch a shuttle back to it when we returned. That all worked out well except the hotel was pretty lame (a comfort inn near the airport.)
We got to the airport at 6:00 a.m. Friday morning for an 8:30 flight, my email confirmation said US Airways. We went to the US Airways kiosk, it said we had to call, All The Phones Were Out of Order! Then we stood in line to talk to someone, only to get to the front of the line and have the US Airways person say that the flight was actually going to be on a United plan, so we needed to run over to the United terminal.
Then we had to stand in line there for another 30 minutes. The ticket agent confirmed that we did have a reservation but she had a difficult time finding our ticket... what does that mean?
Due to extreme weather conditions, lightning, golf ball sized hail, etc we were delayed at the airport until the evening! This including getting on the airplane and then having to get off again because the pilots were due to get off their shift.
We finally got to Phoenix, but all the flights into Reno, were overbooked with LONG standby lists. And for some reason, if you miss your connecting flight due to weather US Airways put you at the bottom of their incomprehensible priority list.
We didn't get on the one remaining flight to Reno that night.
We called Greyhound to see if we could take a bus - takes 24 hours to get from Phoenix to Reno by bus. We tried other airlines. We checked Amtrak. We looked into renting a car, I think the drive was something like 13 hours and it was already like 10:00 at night and we had been up since 5:00 a.m.
So we slept in the airport, hoping to get the earliest flight out to Reno.
Nope, over booked again.
Next flight, overbooked by 16 and another long standby list.
By this point Zoe, Pere and I had each had our own freak-out moments. It was no pretty. Plus we were running out of money, having to have eaten 5 meals plus snacks at the airport.
We talked to customer service at US Airways about our chances of getting to Reno. They were not good, Father's Day weekend, weather, and some big event in Reno was causing all kind of havok. Basically there was nothing they could do for us. No hotel voucher, no food voucher, no help on standby, no consideration for our circumstances of traveling with an 8 year old and only having a weekend in Reno. There was no way were could get to Reno until Sunday afternoon at the earliest, then we would be turning around and leaving Monday.
Eventually we decided to skip Reno and go right to Los Angeles, the next leg of our journey. Somehow we could easily catch the night flight to Los Angeles.
Fast Forward to Sunday the 28th. I had already tried to confirm our flight online but US Airways website said I needed to call. So I called and the woman working for US Airways said I needed to talk to a ticketed agent at the airport the day of my flight because, I was confirmed but they couldn't find my tickets. Again??
So Sunday morning I get to LAX an extra hour early. We stand in one line, they tell us to go to another, we stand in the other for 30 minutes, then the ticketing agent says, We Can't Help You. Again the flight was booked by US Airways but they were using a United plan so we had to go to the United terminal... on the other side of the airport. WTF!
We ran with all our luggage through the parking structure, I was SO mad.
We spent 40 minutes with a United ticketing agent while she was on the phone with US Airways trying to find our tickets. Finally she hung -up on them because they wouldn't help and just made the tickets herself.
Oh yeah, and when I originally called US Airways to add the Los Angeles flight because my mother-in-law was having emergency brain surgery the lady on the phone told me it would be an EXTRA CHARGE of $2000 for the flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles and changing the Phoenix to Chicago return trip for Los Angeles to Chicago. I said "that's a lot! Can you check and see if there is a cheaper flight? It doesn't have to be non-stop" The lady on the phone got annoyed with me and then said hold on, she left me on hold for awhile and then came back and said "No." Yet, I could see that there were several cheaper flights on their website.
Also, at every airport I was in line with dozens of extremely irate flyers who had been bumped because of US Airways policy to overbook their flights.
We figured out that it would have taken 28 hours to drive from South Bend to Reno. After 36 hours we were still in Phoenix. So, next time I am driving.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Highly Sensitive Person
I am currently reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.
I was referred to it on a site about Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities. Dr. Aron doesn't specifically link her Sensitivities with giftedness. Although she does write that many gifted people are highly sensitive.
On her website she has a self-test and a checklist for your child. She describes the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as having a sensitive nervous system, an awareness of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and being more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.
There is also a wikipedia page about studies by people other than Dr. Aron, including Jung. An excerpt - research shows that about 15-20% of humans and higher animals have a nervous system that is more sensitive to subtleties. This means that regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
So far this book seem to be about reframing our past experiences with the idea that being sensitive, while being difficult at times, is beneficial and that we need to reclaim our right to be sensitive and protect ourselves so that we can function at our best. It also has exercises for reframing your own feelings regarding your sensitivities and helps you see them as assets.
When I was growing up I was neglected to the point where I wasn't supposed to show that I had any needs. So, of course, I was not allowed to label myself as "sensitive." I was often accused of being "too sensitive." I grew up thinking that my sensitivities were "weird" and possibly selfish and I tried to pretend they didn't exist and I would force myself into overarousing situations because I didn't feel I had the right to protect myself.
I also mislabeled many of my sensitivities as "pet peeves" or "weird reactions." While reading this book I have gone back and tried accept them as sensitivities that are part of me.
Some of my physical sensitivities:
Aural – I cannot tune out sounds. Zoe whistling, singing, water dripping, dog barking, a creaking door, cats fighting at 3 a.m. somewhere on my block, etc. I am a light sleeper because I hear everything and sometimes I have a hard time concentrating when there are noises.
Smell – I have a keen sense of smell. I have described it as being “assaulted”by smells. I also smell things that other people can’t. This has manifested in me being the only one to smell that the house was filling with gas when one of the cats turned on the stove top burner without the flame, being the one to smell the mold in the basement, etc
Sight – I am easily over-aroused by visual clutter. I can not relax when things are cluttery and not in their place. But I am also very moved by visual beauty, or even grotesque visages.
Touch – Tickling hurts me and I also have very sensitive skin.
Empathy – I pick up on the nervousness and awkwardness of others and jump to fill in the air space to comfort them. I feel so much empathy for the plight of others that I do not take care of myself in social situations but feel like I need to do whatever I can to make the other people comfortable, entertained, or, at least, distracted. Then later I am all frazzled. The book The Highly Sensitive Person gave me some good advice for dealing with this.
My body does not always have the usual reaction to medicine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. I have the reverse reaction or an over reaction.
Disney World, Chuckie Cheeses, The Fair, places like that make me overaroused because I like to have a calm system and it upsets the calm. I go and do them anyway but I have a hard time enjoying it because there are too many people, too much noise, too fast walking, and the system isn’t enough to calm me.
The thing that overarouses my sensitivity the most is me. I was not raised to listen to my body's needs or to respect my own reactions. I always put my needs aside, first for my mother, later for whomever seemed to need me.
Since I started reading this book I am starting to take better care of myself and not chastise myself when I can not do everything all the time. The book talks about a lot of the assets of being highly sensitive, some are:
creativity
intuition
surprising wisdom
empathy for others
quicker to sense danger
see the consequences of an action before others do
unusually creative and productive
thoughtful
reflective
notice things more than other people
a more understanding friend
good listeners
not willing to hurt people
A good counterpoint to the non-sensitive
There are others, check out the website or book if your interested.
I was referred to it on a site about Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities. Dr. Aron doesn't specifically link her Sensitivities with giftedness. Although she does write that many gifted people are highly sensitive.
On her website she has a self-test and a checklist for your child. She describes the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as having a sensitive nervous system, an awareness of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and being more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.
There is also a wikipedia page about studies by people other than Dr. Aron, including Jung. An excerpt - research shows that about 15-20% of humans and higher animals have a nervous system that is more sensitive to subtleties. This means that regular sensory information is processed and analyzed to a greater extent, which contributes to creativity, intuition, sensing implications and attention to detail, but which may also cause quick over-stimulation and over-arousal.
So far this book seem to be about reframing our past experiences with the idea that being sensitive, while being difficult at times, is beneficial and that we need to reclaim our right to be sensitive and protect ourselves so that we can function at our best. It also has exercises for reframing your own feelings regarding your sensitivities and helps you see them as assets.
When I was growing up I was neglected to the point where I wasn't supposed to show that I had any needs. So, of course, I was not allowed to label myself as "sensitive." I was often accused of being "too sensitive." I grew up thinking that my sensitivities were "weird" and possibly selfish and I tried to pretend they didn't exist and I would force myself into overarousing situations because I didn't feel I had the right to protect myself.
I also mislabeled many of my sensitivities as "pet peeves" or "weird reactions." While reading this book I have gone back and tried accept them as sensitivities that are part of me.
Some of my physical sensitivities:
Aural – I cannot tune out sounds. Zoe whistling, singing, water dripping, dog barking, a creaking door, cats fighting at 3 a.m. somewhere on my block, etc. I am a light sleeper because I hear everything and sometimes I have a hard time concentrating when there are noises.
Smell – I have a keen sense of smell. I have described it as being “assaulted”by smells. I also smell things that other people can’t. This has manifested in me being the only one to smell that the house was filling with gas when one of the cats turned on the stove top burner without the flame, being the one to smell the mold in the basement, etc
Sight – I am easily over-aroused by visual clutter. I can not relax when things are cluttery and not in their place. But I am also very moved by visual beauty, or even grotesque visages.
Touch – Tickling hurts me and I also have very sensitive skin.
Empathy – I pick up on the nervousness and awkwardness of others and jump to fill in the air space to comfort them. I feel so much empathy for the plight of others that I do not take care of myself in social situations but feel like I need to do whatever I can to make the other people comfortable, entertained, or, at least, distracted. Then later I am all frazzled. The book The Highly Sensitive Person gave me some good advice for dealing with this.
My body does not always have the usual reaction to medicine, caffeine, alcohol, etc. I have the reverse reaction or an over reaction.
Disney World, Chuckie Cheeses, The Fair, places like that make me overaroused because I like to have a calm system and it upsets the calm. I go and do them anyway but I have a hard time enjoying it because there are too many people, too much noise, too fast walking, and the system isn’t enough to calm me.
The thing that overarouses my sensitivity the most is me. I was not raised to listen to my body's needs or to respect my own reactions. I always put my needs aside, first for my mother, later for whomever seemed to need me.
Since I started reading this book I am starting to take better care of myself and not chastise myself when I can not do everything all the time. The book talks about a lot of the assets of being highly sensitive, some are:
creativity
intuition
surprising wisdom
empathy for others
quicker to sense danger
see the consequences of an action before others do
unusually creative and productive
thoughtful
reflective
notice things more than other people
a more understanding friend
good listeners
not willing to hurt people
A good counterpoint to the non-sensitive
There are others, check out the website or book if your interested.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
omg
Or as Zoe would say "Oh Em Gee!"
I was just reading a wonderful article, Gifted People and their Problems by Francis Heylighen, PhD. I really want to post pretty much the entire article. I know it is going to sound horrible for me to say this describes me to a T, but it is such a perfect description that is makes me want to cry.
The following is a digest of the traits that are most often listed as characterizing “gifted” or “creative” individuals.
Cognition
original, unusual ideas, creativity, connects seemingly unrelated ideas
superior abilities to reason, generalize or problem solve, high intelligence
vivid and rich imagination
extensive vocabulary, verbal ability, fascinated by words
learns new things rapidly
excellent long term memory
grasps mathematical/scientific concepts readily, advanced comprehension, insightful
avid reader.
complex and deep thoughts, abstract thinker
runs mind on multiple tracks at the same time, fast thinker
Perception/emotion
highly sensitive
excellent/unusual sense of humour
very perceptive, good sense of observation
passionate, intense feelings
sensitive to small changes in environment
introverted
aware of things that others are not, perceive world differently
tolerance for ambiguity & complexity
can see many sides, considers problems from a number of viewpoints
childlike sense of wonder
openness to experience
emotional stability, serenity
Motivation/values
perfectionistic, sets high standards for self and others
very curious, desire to know
very independent, autonomous, less motivated by rewards and praise
seeker of ultimate truths, looks for patterns, meaning in life
enjoys challenge, penchant for risk-taking
outrage at injustice or moral breaches, good sense of justice
wide range of interests, overwhelmed by many interests and abilities
strong moral convictions, integrity, honesty
high drive
visionary, realizes visions, sense of destiny or mission
loves ideas and ardent discussion
sincerity
acceptance of self and others
Activity
great deal of energy
long attention span, sustains concentration on topics of interest, persistent
cannot stop thinking, work myself to exhaustion
needs periods of contemplation, solitude
spontaneity
Social relations
questions rules or authority, asks embarrassing questions, non-conforming
feels different, out of step with others, sense of alienation and loneliness
very compassionate
empathy: feels along with others, helps them understand themselves
The next two are a bit repetitive but I think even the difference in wording can trigger recognition.
Characteristics of Creative Genius
I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.
I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.
My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).
I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.
I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.
I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.
Characteristics of Gifted Adults
Perfectionistic and sets high standards for self and others.
Has strong moral convictions.
Is highly sensitive, perceptive or insightful.
Feels out-of-sync with others.
Is very curious.
Has an unusual sense of humour.
A good problem solver.
Has a vivid and rich imagination.
Questions rules or authority.
Has unusual ideas or connects seemingly unrelated ideas.
Thrives on challenge.
Learns new things rapidly.
Has a good long-term memory.
Feels overwhelmed by many interests and abilities.
Is very compassionate.
Feels outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted.
Has passionate, intense feelings.
Has a great deal of energy.
Can't switch off thinking.
Feels driven by creativity.
Loves ideas and ardent discussion.
Needs periods of contemplation.
Searches for ???? in their life.
Feels a sense of alienation and loneliness.
There are some new and interesting ideas that I haven't explored on my blog here:
The Intellectual and Psychosocial Nature of Extreme Giftedness
It has been reported that the higher the level of giftedness, the greater the chance of psychological and social adjustment difficulties.
Those of average ability have a greater need for external structure than the intellectually gifted.
One important difference, then, between average persons and their gifted counterparts is in the need of externally imposed structure.
The possession of the desire to know means that gifted individuals have a need to search for the inherent pattern, logic or meaning in a set of data information, while average people prefer to have the pattern, logic, or meaning already generated and explained.
Another problem for the highly gifted is they grow up with and are often socialized by significant others who do not
understand them well enough to guide their ideas and actions with valid feedback.
Misdiagnosis of the gifted
Unique interpersonal challenges that gifted individuals, couples and families encounter during their life span include :
learning to interact in the mainstream world;
manage expectations and pressures to fit the norm;
defuse unconscious hostility, resentment, antagonism and sabotage directed at them because they are perceived as intellectually, creatively or personally advantaged;
set appropriate boundaries for the utilization of their abilities;
collaborate with others, and manage the daily dilemmas of giftedness involving relatives, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, counselors, teachers and other members of the community.
*Whew!* Right?? How good is that??
I was just reading a wonderful article, Gifted People and their Problems by Francis Heylighen, PhD. I really want to post pretty much the entire article. I know it is going to sound horrible for me to say this describes me to a T, but it is such a perfect description that is makes me want to cry.
The following is a digest of the traits that are most often listed as characterizing “gifted” or “creative” individuals.
Cognition
original, unusual ideas, creativity, connects seemingly unrelated ideas
superior abilities to reason, generalize or problem solve, high intelligence
vivid and rich imagination
extensive vocabulary, verbal ability, fascinated by words
learns new things rapidly
excellent long term memory
grasps mathematical/scientific concepts readily, advanced comprehension, insightful
avid reader.
complex and deep thoughts, abstract thinker
runs mind on multiple tracks at the same time, fast thinker
Perception/emotion
highly sensitive
excellent/unusual sense of humour
very perceptive, good sense of observation
passionate, intense feelings
sensitive to small changes in environment
introverted
aware of things that others are not, perceive world differently
tolerance for ambiguity & complexity
can see many sides, considers problems from a number of viewpoints
childlike sense of wonder
openness to experience
emotional stability, serenity
Motivation/values
perfectionistic, sets high standards for self and others
very curious, desire to know
very independent, autonomous, less motivated by rewards and praise
seeker of ultimate truths, looks for patterns, meaning in life
enjoys challenge, penchant for risk-taking
outrage at injustice or moral breaches, good sense of justice
wide range of interests, overwhelmed by many interests and abilities
strong moral convictions, integrity, honesty
high drive
visionary, realizes visions, sense of destiny or mission
loves ideas and ardent discussion
sincerity
acceptance of self and others
Activity
great deal of energy
long attention span, sustains concentration on topics of interest, persistent
cannot stop thinking, work myself to exhaustion
needs periods of contemplation, solitude
spontaneity
Social relations
questions rules or authority, asks embarrassing questions, non-conforming
feels different, out of step with others, sense of alienation and loneliness
very compassionate
empathy: feels along with others, helps them understand themselves
The next two are a bit repetitive but I think even the difference in wording can trigger recognition.
Characteristics of Creative Genius
I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.
I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.
My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).
I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.
I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.
I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.
Characteristics of Gifted Adults
Perfectionistic and sets high standards for self and others.
Has strong moral convictions.
Is highly sensitive, perceptive or insightful.
Feels out-of-sync with others.
Is very curious.
Has an unusual sense of humour.
A good problem solver.
Has a vivid and rich imagination.
Questions rules or authority.
Has unusual ideas or connects seemingly unrelated ideas.
Thrives on challenge.
Learns new things rapidly.
Has a good long-term memory.
Feels overwhelmed by many interests and abilities.
Is very compassionate.
Feels outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted.
Has passionate, intense feelings.
Has a great deal of energy.
Can't switch off thinking.
Feels driven by creativity.
Loves ideas and ardent discussion.
Needs periods of contemplation.
Searches for ???? in their life.
Feels a sense of alienation and loneliness.
There are some new and interesting ideas that I haven't explored on my blog here:
The Intellectual and Psychosocial Nature of Extreme Giftedness
It has been reported that the higher the level of giftedness, the greater the chance of psychological and social adjustment difficulties.
Those of average ability have a greater need for external structure than the intellectually gifted.
One important difference, then, between average persons and their gifted counterparts is in the need of externally imposed structure.
The possession of the desire to know means that gifted individuals have a need to search for the inherent pattern, logic or meaning in a set of data information, while average people prefer to have the pattern, logic, or meaning already generated and explained.
Another problem for the highly gifted is they grow up with and are often socialized by significant others who do not
understand them well enough to guide their ideas and actions with valid feedback.
Misdiagnosis of the gifted
Unique interpersonal challenges that gifted individuals, couples and families encounter during their life span include :
learning to interact in the mainstream world;
manage expectations and pressures to fit the norm;
defuse unconscious hostility, resentment, antagonism and sabotage directed at them because they are perceived as intellectually, creatively or personally advantaged;
set appropriate boundaries for the utilization of their abilities;
collaborate with others, and manage the daily dilemmas of giftedness involving relatives, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, counselors, teachers and other members of the community.
*Whew!* Right?? How good is that??
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Androgyny
I was reminded in some recently readings that gifted people usually have more androgynous traits than the average person.
I heard Sandra Bem's Sex Role Inventory test and found it online. Here is a link to a pdf of the test, it tells you how to tally it all up and what your score means.
Here is how Wikipedia describes the test:
The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.
The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine female is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.[2]
You can score Feminine, Nearly Feminine, Androgynous, Nearly Masculine, and Masculine.
I scored Masculine, which is no surprise to me. I scored highly on both masculine and feminine and neutral, but overall more traits that are considered masculine apply to me.
Pere scored Masculine, overall more masculine than me as he scored very low on feminine/expressive traits.
Zoe scored Androgynous, which pleases me. People who are more androgynous are more flexible and supposedly, mentally healthy. :)
It is all very interesting to me. I've have a problem with rigid gender roles, especially since I fall outside of them. I bristle at being confined to a traditional female role. I think that being a gifted female and an INTJ makes it even more difficult for people to relate to me and vice versus. Throw in my over-excitabilities and I am just a bundle of contradictions.
I heard Sandra Bem's Sex Role Inventory test and found it online. Here is a link to a pdf of the test, it tells you how to tally it all up and what your score means.
Here is how Wikipedia describes the test:
The Bem Sex Role Inventory is one of the most widely used gender measures and was constructed by the early leading proponent of androgyny, Sandra Bem (1977).[2] Based on their responses to the items in the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, individuals are classified as having one of four gender-role orientations: masculine, feminine, androgynous, or undifferentiated.
The androgynous individual is simply a female or male who has a high degree of both feminine (expressive) and masculine (instrumental) traits. A feminine individual is high on feminine (expressive) traits and low on masculine (instrumental) traits. A masculine female is high on instrumental traits and low on expressive traits. An undifferentiated person is low on both feminine and masculine traits.[2]
You can score Feminine, Nearly Feminine, Androgynous, Nearly Masculine, and Masculine.
I scored Masculine, which is no surprise to me. I scored highly on both masculine and feminine and neutral, but overall more traits that are considered masculine apply to me.
Pere scored Masculine, overall more masculine than me as he scored very low on feminine/expressive traits.
Zoe scored Androgynous, which pleases me. People who are more androgynous are more flexible and supposedly, mentally healthy. :)
It is all very interesting to me. I've have a problem with rigid gender roles, especially since I fall outside of them. I bristle at being confined to a traditional female role. I think that being a gifted female and an INTJ makes it even more difficult for people to relate to me and vice versus. Throw in my over-excitabilities and I am just a bundle of contradictions.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Dabrowski's Levels of Personal Development
Third of my posts on Dabrowski. The first described Overexcitabilities, the second his Theory of Positive Disintegration.
According to Dabrowski there are Five Levels of Personal Development. Individuals with the three factors of overexcitabilities, abilities and talents, and the drive for autonomous expression can more readily achieve the higher levels of development.
Dabrowski studied gifted and talented children and made a list of "symptoms" that may reflect the potential for higher development:
May display unusual sensitivity, frequent crises, anxieties, depression, perfectionism, etc.
May express strong positive maladjustment. (not adjusting to society's self-interested values)
Strong sense they are different, don’t fit in.
Have conflicts with social morality.
Feel alienated from others, from their peers.
Level 1: Primary Integration
At this level the personality is primarily influenced by biological impulses. They are driven by selfishness and and controlled by lower instincts. For those at Primary Integration "the ends justify the means", there is little introspection and little inner conflict.
Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration
This level features brief, often intense, crisis or series of crises. The individual sees there are choices to make but the choices are morally equivalent. There is a feeling of ambivalence. Their problems occur again and again with no break through towards more positive development.
At this point, if the person's has strong developmental potential they may experience existential depression. The resolution of this phase is when the individual replaces society's mores with their own individually chosen hierarchal values. The person feels the conflict between the behaviors of themselves and others. The ethics of the prevailing social order are no longer adequate. This crisis leads to abandoning social conformity and developing a unique value system.
Level 2 is a transition phase. At this phase a person will either fall back or move ahead. The transition from Level 2 to Level 3 is difficult and requires a considerable about of energy.
Level 3: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration
At this level the individual is able to visualize the ideal or higher path choice. It is spontaneous because it is involuntary. You cannot "un-see" the higher path. The Multilevelness is the different levels of behavior, from lower to higher, that are compared and chosen from. Multilevelness also describes the perceptions drawn on during this level, thinking, feeling, imagination, empathy, etc.
At Level 3 the choice to take the higher path is clear and obvious, the person no longer feels the ambivalence of Level 2. That does not mean that the choices in Level 3 are easier. There are the external conflicts involved with choosing a non-conformist path and there is inner conflict when the individual fails to live up to his or her ideals. Movement through Level 3 is by a series of Positive Disintegrations, reaching for the "what could be" and away from the "what is."
Dabrowsi found that sadness, depression and anxiety are common in Level 3. This may be a good time to seek therapy, as long as the therapist is supportive of developing personality and not pathologizing the process.
Level 3 is when the person's value structure begins to support the development of their idealized self.
Level 4 - Directed Multilevel Disintegration
At Level 4 the spontaneous positive development of Level 3 is replaced by a deliberate choosing of the positive qualities in one's self and the rejection of the negative. The belief system is reconstructed with carefully chosen ideals replacing lower automatic, self-interested views. It is thought that people can and do move back and forth between levels, especially 3 and 4.
Behavior is also less reactive, and more compassionate towards one's self and others. Dabrowski wrote, "individuals of this kind feel responsible for the realization of justice and for the protection of others against harm and injustice. Their feelings of responsibility extend almost to everything"
People at Level 4, while having respect for every person, are often at conflict with society's lower level values. The person at this level tries to change the world to their idealized vision, through expression of their unique talents and abilities.
The ideal of Level 4 is a self-aware and self-chosen personality living at their full potential .
Level 5 - Secondary Integration
At level 5 behavior conforms to personalized hierarchal value structure. Art and creative expression is visionary and unique. Positive advances in society are associated with the integrated personality at Level 5.
Very few individuals will ever reach Level 5, but, it is thought that there are levels within the Level that are more attainable.
***************
This description of the Levels of Personal Development goes along with the Theory of Positive Disintegration. It may be help to view your child's anxieties, depressions, and conflicts as a sign of potential for positive development.
According to Dabrowski there are Five Levels of Personal Development. Individuals with the three factors of overexcitabilities, abilities and talents, and the drive for autonomous expression can more readily achieve the higher levels of development.
Dabrowski studied gifted and talented children and made a list of "symptoms" that may reflect the potential for higher development:
May display unusual sensitivity, frequent crises, anxieties, depression, perfectionism, etc.
May express strong positive maladjustment. (not adjusting to society's self-interested values)
Strong sense they are different, don’t fit in.
Have conflicts with social morality.
Feel alienated from others, from their peers.
Level 1: Primary Integration
At this level the personality is primarily influenced by biological impulses. They are driven by selfishness and and controlled by lower instincts. For those at Primary Integration "the ends justify the means", there is little introspection and little inner conflict.
Level 2: Unilevel Disintegration
This level features brief, often intense, crisis or series of crises. The individual sees there are choices to make but the choices are morally equivalent. There is a feeling of ambivalence. Their problems occur again and again with no break through towards more positive development.
At this point, if the person's has strong developmental potential they may experience existential depression. The resolution of this phase is when the individual replaces society's mores with their own individually chosen hierarchal values. The person feels the conflict between the behaviors of themselves and others. The ethics of the prevailing social order are no longer adequate. This crisis leads to abandoning social conformity and developing a unique value system.
Level 2 is a transition phase. At this phase a person will either fall back or move ahead. The transition from Level 2 to Level 3 is difficult and requires a considerable about of energy.
Level 3: Spontaneous Multilevel Disintegration
At this level the individual is able to visualize the ideal or higher path choice. It is spontaneous because it is involuntary. You cannot "un-see" the higher path. The Multilevelness is the different levels of behavior, from lower to higher, that are compared and chosen from. Multilevelness also describes the perceptions drawn on during this level, thinking, feeling, imagination, empathy, etc.
At Level 3 the choice to take the higher path is clear and obvious, the person no longer feels the ambivalence of Level 2. That does not mean that the choices in Level 3 are easier. There are the external conflicts involved with choosing a non-conformist path and there is inner conflict when the individual fails to live up to his or her ideals. Movement through Level 3 is by a series of Positive Disintegrations, reaching for the "what could be" and away from the "what is."
Dabrowsi found that sadness, depression and anxiety are common in Level 3. This may be a good time to seek therapy, as long as the therapist is supportive of developing personality and not pathologizing the process.
Level 3 is when the person's value structure begins to support the development of their idealized self.
Level 4 - Directed Multilevel Disintegration
At Level 4 the spontaneous positive development of Level 3 is replaced by a deliberate choosing of the positive qualities in one's self and the rejection of the negative. The belief system is reconstructed with carefully chosen ideals replacing lower automatic, self-interested views. It is thought that people can and do move back and forth between levels, especially 3 and 4.
Behavior is also less reactive, and more compassionate towards one's self and others. Dabrowski wrote, "individuals of this kind feel responsible for the realization of justice and for the protection of others against harm and injustice. Their feelings of responsibility extend almost to everything"
People at Level 4, while having respect for every person, are often at conflict with society's lower level values. The person at this level tries to change the world to their idealized vision, through expression of their unique talents and abilities.
The ideal of Level 4 is a self-aware and self-chosen personality living at their full potential .
Level 5 - Secondary Integration
At level 5 behavior conforms to personalized hierarchal value structure. Art and creative expression is visionary and unique. Positive advances in society are associated with the integrated personality at Level 5.
Very few individuals will ever reach Level 5, but, it is thought that there are levels within the Level that are more attainable.
***************
This description of the Levels of Personal Development goes along with the Theory of Positive Disintegration. It may be help to view your child's anxieties, depressions, and conflicts as a sign of potential for positive development.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Been doing a lot of research the last two weeks, mostly on Dabrowski, but I have followed many rabbit trails. I have been taking lots of notes and trying to synthesize the material for my own positive development.
Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:
"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy.
Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others.
On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel.
The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "
This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)
Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.
In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:
Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice.
On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.
Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop.
On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.
Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.
On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.
Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.
People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.
Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?
For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.
I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.
Can You Hear The Flowers Sing - Issues for gifted adults by Deirdre V. Lovecky was probably the most applicable to me. She writes about gifted perceptivity:
"Their intuition and ability to understand several layers of feeling simultaneously help them to assess people and situations rapidly. In fact, they are often skilled at sensing the incongruency between exhibited social facades and real thoughts and feelings. Another aspect of perceptivity concerns the recognition of and need for truth. Social facades displayed by others may seem to this gifted adult to be a sort of lie. Adults gifted in this way detect and dislike falsehood and hypocrisy.
Positive social and emotional correlates of the trait of perceptivity include the ability of these gifted adults to view their own behavior somewhat objectively, to assess their own as well as others' motivations, and to base their responses on perceptions of underlying dynamics. They are aware not only of what their own needs are but also of the necessity of avoiding internal stress by learning to use their perceptions to know what they truly want. Often, they will decide to do what is best for themselves despite the disapproval of others.
On the negative side, this trait can present difficulties in interpersonal relationships because others, unaware of what the gifted adult sees so clearly, feel both vulnerable and threatened. For the gifted adult, seeing several layers of a person may be confusing. It may be difficult to pair the response obtained with what the situation seemed to indicate was required. The more discrepancy between the inner self and outer face, the more uncomfortable the gifted adult may feel.
The dilemma of this gifted adult is whether to hide the insights and respond superficially to the social facade or to use the gift and risk rejection. Either course may produce constraint and difficulty with spontaneity. Finding interpersonal support is a major priority for these gifted adults; the risk is fear of closeness and intimacy. "
This description of perceptivity was an eye opener. I have always seen that way. I never thought it had anything to do with giftedness (even though Pere made the link early on.)
Facing incongruences in personal relationships can be confusing and frustrating. It makes me wonder how much of the problem is mine for not being willing or able to take people at face value. But my perceptivity isn't something I can change. I am contemplating how I might incorporate it to be more beneficial to my life and others.
In this article Lovecky writes about the five traits of gifted adults that produce personal and interpersonal conflicts -divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Here are some excerpts about the other four traits but I encourage you to read the whole article:
Divergency
They find deep personal satisfaction in the development of new ideas. Divergent thinkers challenge stereotypes. Socially, they bring color to the lives of others, who may use their example to find the courage to break the bonds of conformity and decrease the effects of prejudice.
On the negative side, divergent thinkers encounter difficulty in situations in which group consensus is important. They are often dedicated to their own ideas and find it difficult to support ideas they find foolish.
Excitability
These gifted adults enjoy the excitement of taking risks and meeting challenges. This risk taking is dissimilar to that found in mania or impulsivity in that the gifted adult (a) is aware of the consequences of the risk, (b) takes risks in the form of challenges rather than reckless activities, and (c) knows when to stop.
On the negative side, gifted adults with this trait may find it difficult to self-regulate. Boredom and the need for stimulation can produce a habit of constant activity.
Sensitivity
People gifted with the trait of sensitivity find positive social and emotional benefit in their deep concern for the needs and rights of others, their empathy for the feelings of others, and their desire to help even at significant cost to themselves. These gifted adults may be unusually aware of the feeling tone of situations and of the more sensual aspects of the environment, such as color and shading.
On the negative side, these gifted adults may not understand that others do not feel so deeply or intensely or that others may have different priorities. They may be very intolerant of the needs of others when they perceive those needs to be superficial.
Entelechy
From the Greek word for having a goal, entelechy bespeaks a particular type of motivation, inner strength, and vital force directing life and growth to become all the self is capable of being.
People gifted in entelechy bring deep feelings to a relationship. By spontaneously expressing feelings, they encourage others to do so as well. Their example of overcoming obstacles and their continuing support and interest encourage others to grow.
Do you recognize these five traits in yourself?
For me all this reading about issues facing gifted adults has been immensely helpful. I am not usually comfortable talking about these issues. When I am reading these articles and I feel like they are totally describing me... it is a kind of good feeling. It is comforting to know that there are other people out there that are like me. It is good to have my differences reframed into positives.
I think that being apart from my mother, to whom my gifted traits were at best a bother and at worst targets for her anger, is freeing me to start knowing myself, applying the correct labels, and accepting that I am not going to be like everyone else and that it okay.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
oh baby
Yesterday we got our piano. It was made in 1924. The wood is original but it was just refinished. The black keys are original too. The strings, the hammers, dampers, etc are all new. Our next door neighbor is a piano repairer and tuner. When we first saw the piano was in total disrepair. We liked it's lines and it's age. Our house was built in 1922, so the piano fits.
Small town coincidence; the area where we have the piano now I used to have two matching wing back chairs and a small table. Those chairs are now in the salon of a hairdresser that my sister is working with. Guess who used to own the piano? The hairdresser that owns the salon! I had no idea! (that's so weird)
Yesterday we also had an old friend to visit. He is living in Chicago now. Pere and I used to work with him in Virginia. The last time we saw him I still owned the bookstore. We also invited over some other friends that work in the tech industry.
Pere perfected his lamb with pomegranate syrup and served it with parsnip mousseline. o.m.g. it was wonderful.
It was GOOD DAY. :)
We had friends over to play in the castle Tuesday. Pere is still working on the back, attaching the slide, cargo net and wall climber handholds.
Friday we went to park day and then my friend's birthday party. My other friend who made Zoe's rocket cake made her a scrumptious and beautiful carrot cake.
oh my gosh... it was so good!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration
What does Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration have to do with Overexcitabilities?
Dabrowski theorized that a small subgroup of the population, those with overexcitabilities, "talents and abilities", and a strong drive for autonomous expression are capable of creating a highly moral personality led not by self-interest nor by the pressures of social conventions, but by a personally and consciously developed hierarchical value structure.
The "higher level" personality is developed through a series of "personal disintegrations", or psychological crises. These crises can be brought on by normal physical maturation milestones, existential conflicts, stressful external events, or just develop spontaneously. The disintegrations are considered "positive" because the individual is breaking free from the old self-serving, societally dictated behaviors, developing personal ideals and striving to live up to those more positive, altruistic standards of behavior.
Dabrowski believed that the people with the Developmental Potential for Positive Disintegration shared these three aspects:
Overexcitabilities -- heightened sensitivity, was to Dabrowski, necessary for higher levels of development. It takes imaginational and intellectual OE's to envision the ideal. The emotional OE is the "rudder to steer by." People with emotional overexcitabilities feel driven to establish value systems. They are the ones not only able to envision the higher path but feel compelled by their personal values to make the "higher" choice instead of the "lower", self-interested one.
Abilities and Talents - we all have talents and abilities. Those on the lower rungs of personal development use their abilities to serve themselves. Those who have progressed through higher levels of personal development use their talents and abilities to achieve and create their ideal selves and create the ideal world, as they are able to envision it.
The third factor of development potentiality is a drive toward individual growth and autonomy. It provides motivation to strive for more and to try to imagine and achieve goals currently beyond one's grasp. It also helps direct one's creativity towards autonomous expression. This third factor is a very strong motivation to develop one's self at any cost.
Dabrowski's observed that a person whose developmental potential is high enough will generally undergo disintegration, despite any external social or family efforts to prevent it. A person whose DP is low will generally not undergo disintegration (or positive personality growth) even in a conducive environment.
Dąbrowski saw disintegrations as a key to the overall developmental process. "Crises challenge our status quo and cause us to review our self, ideas, values, thoughts, ideals, etc. At this level, each person develops his or her own vision of how life ought to be and lives it. This higher level is associated with strong individual approaches to problem solving and creativity. One's talents and creativity are applied in the service of these higher individual values and visions of how life could be -- how the world ought to be. The person expresses his or her 'new' autonomous personality energetically through action, art, social change and so on."
Dabrowski called Overexcitabiltiies a "tragic gift." A person with strong overexcitabilities can experience great highs as well as great lows. They are driven to better themselves and the world around them but, their ability to see "what could be" and "what should be" can also be a source of personal stress and social conflict.
***********************************
That is probably enough to think about for now. Can you just see this in your kids? Have you felt your whole life this conflict between what should be and what is? Do you see in yourself or your children the compulsion to live by a set of intrinsically developed values that are often at odds with accepted practices? The gifted community has adopted Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration to describe the developmental potential of gifted children and adults.
Later I will describe Dabrowski's levels of personality development.
Dabrowski theorized that a small subgroup of the population, those with overexcitabilities, "talents and abilities", and a strong drive for autonomous expression are capable of creating a highly moral personality led not by self-interest nor by the pressures of social conventions, but by a personally and consciously developed hierarchical value structure.
The "higher level" personality is developed through a series of "personal disintegrations", or psychological crises. These crises can be brought on by normal physical maturation milestones, existential conflicts, stressful external events, or just develop spontaneously. The disintegrations are considered "positive" because the individual is breaking free from the old self-serving, societally dictated behaviors, developing personal ideals and striving to live up to those more positive, altruistic standards of behavior.
Dabrowski believed that the people with the Developmental Potential for Positive Disintegration shared these three aspects:
Overexcitabilities -- heightened sensitivity, was to Dabrowski, necessary for higher levels of development. It takes imaginational and intellectual OE's to envision the ideal. The emotional OE is the "rudder to steer by." People with emotional overexcitabilities feel driven to establish value systems. They are the ones not only able to envision the higher path but feel compelled by their personal values to make the "higher" choice instead of the "lower", self-interested one.
Abilities and Talents - we all have talents and abilities. Those on the lower rungs of personal development use their abilities to serve themselves. Those who have progressed through higher levels of personal development use their talents and abilities to achieve and create their ideal selves and create the ideal world, as they are able to envision it.
The third factor of development potentiality is a drive toward individual growth and autonomy. It provides motivation to strive for more and to try to imagine and achieve goals currently beyond one's grasp. It also helps direct one's creativity towards autonomous expression. This third factor is a very strong motivation to develop one's self at any cost.
Dabrowski's observed that a person whose developmental potential is high enough will generally undergo disintegration, despite any external social or family efforts to prevent it. A person whose DP is low will generally not undergo disintegration (or positive personality growth) even in a conducive environment.
Dąbrowski saw disintegrations as a key to the overall developmental process. "Crises challenge our status quo and cause us to review our self, ideas, values, thoughts, ideals, etc. At this level, each person develops his or her own vision of how life ought to be and lives it. This higher level is associated with strong individual approaches to problem solving and creativity. One's talents and creativity are applied in the service of these higher individual values and visions of how life could be -- how the world ought to be. The person expresses his or her 'new' autonomous personality energetically through action, art, social change and so on."
Dabrowski called Overexcitabiltiies a "tragic gift." A person with strong overexcitabilities can experience great highs as well as great lows. They are driven to better themselves and the world around them but, their ability to see "what could be" and "what should be" can also be a source of personal stress and social conflict.
***********************************
That is probably enough to think about for now. Can you just see this in your kids? Have you felt your whole life this conflict between what should be and what is? Do you see in yourself or your children the compulsion to live by a set of intrinsically developed values that are often at odds with accepted practices? The gifted community has adopted Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration to describe the developmental potential of gifted children and adults.
Later I will describe Dabrowski's levels of personality development.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
writing projects
Zoe is working on several cute writing projects.
She is continuing to work on a story about shape-shifting sisters trapped in a "behind the looking glass" kind of world. She is on chapter 19 of that book. (Each chapter is only a page or two.)
She started her sixth time reading the entire Harry Potter series (she has read the first three books nine or ten times each.) This time she is reading and researching for another writing project. She wants to rewrite the series from Ron's point of view. Here is an excerpt:
Mrs. Weasley turned the radio up, for a song by the Weird Sisters, a favorite wizarding band, had come on. It was a slow, wavering tune. She hummed along softly as the meat in front of her slowly diced itself to the rhythm.
"Mum, can we turn this off? I can't concentrate." Complained Ron Weasley.
"Oh, shush. This is a good song." The meat floated into the bubbling stew.
What does it take? He thought angrily..
"Reparo!" He tried to mend a chipped glass up in the cupboard. A crack appeared down the center of it and it shattered.
"Reparo." Fred, who was sitting right next to him, said. The pieces picked themselves up from the self and reformed itself back into a perfect wine glass.
"Git." Ron muttered under his breath.
"Thank you Freddie dear. Ron, you should be more careful." Mrs. Weasley slowly poured the stew into five separate bowls.
This morning she started a faux non-fiction book, The Survival Handbook for Supernatural Creatures. It is not a book for surviving attacks by supernatural creatures but written for "Vampires, Werewolves and Everyone Magical." It is tips for them to survive attacks by humans, angry mobs and vampire hunters. I LOVE this idea. She just came up with it while I was making breakfast.
*************
I am still working on that post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration. I haven't had any large blocks of time to get my thoughts written down recently. But I'll post it soon. Yesterday I was trying to explain it to some of my friends and one joked that I should write a dissertation about it.
I am back into working on my novel. There is SO MUCH to do. I try to get a little done every day. I like it better when I can get a lot done, but I haven't been good about carving out the time in the afternoon. I try to say that 3:00 - 5:30 is my time to write. But Monday we are not home from piano until 4:00. Yesterday I had friends visit until 5:00 and Friday I am invited to hang out with friends in the afternoon and Zoe gets to play with her little friends. Hmmm... not that I am complaining about having a social life or opportunities for Zoe to get together with her friends, but I do need to make my writing time a priority.
She is continuing to work on a story about shape-shifting sisters trapped in a "behind the looking glass" kind of world. She is on chapter 19 of that book. (Each chapter is only a page or two.)
She started her sixth time reading the entire Harry Potter series (she has read the first three books nine or ten times each.) This time she is reading and researching for another writing project. She wants to rewrite the series from Ron's point of view. Here is an excerpt:
Mrs. Weasley turned the radio up, for a song by the Weird Sisters, a favorite wizarding band, had come on. It was a slow, wavering tune. She hummed along softly as the meat in front of her slowly diced itself to the rhythm.
"Mum, can we turn this off? I can't concentrate." Complained Ron Weasley.
"Oh, shush. This is a good song." The meat floated into the bubbling stew.
What does it take? He thought angrily..
"Reparo!" He tried to mend a chipped glass up in the cupboard. A crack appeared down the center of it and it shattered.
"Reparo." Fred, who was sitting right next to him, said. The pieces picked themselves up from the self and reformed itself back into a perfect wine glass.
"Git." Ron muttered under his breath.
"Thank you Freddie dear. Ron, you should be more careful." Mrs. Weasley slowly poured the stew into five separate bowls.
This morning she started a faux non-fiction book, The Survival Handbook for Supernatural Creatures. It is not a book for surviving attacks by supernatural creatures but written for "Vampires, Werewolves and Everyone Magical." It is tips for them to survive attacks by humans, angry mobs and vampire hunters. I LOVE this idea. She just came up with it while I was making breakfast.
*************
I am still working on that post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration. I haven't had any large blocks of time to get my thoughts written down recently. But I'll post it soon. Yesterday I was trying to explain it to some of my friends and one joked that I should write a dissertation about it.
I am back into working on my novel. There is SO MUCH to do. I try to get a little done every day. I like it better when I can get a lot done, but I haven't been good about carving out the time in the afternoon. I try to say that 3:00 - 5:30 is my time to write. But Monday we are not home from piano until 4:00. Yesterday I had friends visit until 5:00 and Friday I am invited to hang out with friends in the afternoon and Zoe gets to play with her little friends. Hmmm... not that I am complaining about having a social life or opportunities for Zoe to get together with her friends, but I do need to make my writing time a priority.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
what I have been doing
My laptop cord burnt out last Wednesday, the new one finally came in yesterday. I got a lot done around the house before I realized I could use Pere's laptop.
On Wednesday Zoe had a friend sleep over. They had a picnic dinner outside and stayed up until midnight telling stories.
Thursday we went to our friends house for our role-playing game.
Friday we met our homeschooling friends at the park. It is warm here now and the city has turned on the splash pads and water playgrounds.
Saturday I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to volunteer at a hydration station during our town's marathon, 10k and 5k races. Then we went to a friend's house for french toast brunch.
Saturday night we went to see a neighbor and Zoe's babysitter in a student musical version of Beauty and the Beast.
Sunday we watched a VERY VERY CREEPY version of Alice in Wonderland. Zoe said she LOVED it and wants me to buy it. It was TOTALLY disturbing. If you liked Coraline you will want to see this.
We have been sitting outside everyday, on the patio, on the porch, on the balcony, and in the castle. I don't have pictures because I have been too lazy to take pictures. *grin*
On Wednesday Zoe had a friend sleep over. They had a picnic dinner outside and stayed up until midnight telling stories.
Thursday we went to our friends house for our role-playing game.
Friday we met our homeschooling friends at the park. It is warm here now and the city has turned on the splash pads and water playgrounds.
Saturday I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to volunteer at a hydration station during our town's marathon, 10k and 5k races. Then we went to a friend's house for french toast brunch.
Saturday night we went to see a neighbor and Zoe's babysitter in a student musical version of Beauty and the Beast.
Sunday we watched a VERY VERY CREEPY version of Alice in Wonderland. Zoe said she LOVED it and wants me to buy it. It was TOTALLY disturbing. If you liked Coraline you will want to see this.
We have been sitting outside everyday, on the patio, on the porch, on the balcony, and in the castle. I don't have pictures because I have been too lazy to take pictures. *grin*
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Needs
I am going to wait a bit before I post more about Dabrowski, Overexcitabilities and Positive Disintegration.
Yesterday I had my therapy session. It was pretty energizing. I am definitely changing and developing healthier boundaries.
We got to talking about Needs. When I was a kid it was my responsibility to not show that I had any needs, because it would upset my mother if she had to do anything for me. I was also supposed to never say "No" to her needs, going so far as to anticipate her needs so she would not have to voice them.
When my therapist asked me what my needs are I was blank. He asked me what needs I might try to get met through my friendships and I said "none." He was then a bit snarky and said that I am so accomplished that I just don't ever need anyone's help. hmph!
But, I think he was trying to use humor to make a point.
I remember two things close friends have said about me on this subject. One time, in my mid-twenties, I was having a verbal fight with my boyfriend and things got kind of scary. He was storming around and breaking things, it seemed possible he might get violent, then he stormed out of the house. I called my male BFF and asked him to come over and sit with me, in case he came back.
I heard later that he told his girlfriend, 'We have to go right away, it must be really bad. H never asks for help."
It stuck with me because before that I didn't realize that I never asked for help. I just took care of myself.
Then, a few years ago, a good friend told me that I could ask for three times what I asked of people and they still wouldn't think I was asking too much. She told me that people actually liked to be needed. She said that it makes friends closer when there is a mutual feeling of being there to help each other. She said that I help but I never allow anyone to return the favor and that it creates a distance.
She was funny. She gave me homework that whenever I went to someone's house I should ask for a drink. Honestly, even the thought of that was uncomfortable. But I started trying it. Low and behold, nobody got put out that I asked for a drink. (unless I was asking that at my mother or sister's house.)
So today I was trying to do my therapy homework and think about my needs. The only thing I could come up with was that I don't like to be misunderstood. I have a need to communicate my meaning.
That was it. But it is something that drives me to have friends. I do want to connect with people. Unfortunately, while I like to listen to and get to know people I don't always feel comfortable communicating what I am actually thinking. I got burned too many times, both by my age peers in school (apparently I am often thinking something "weird') or by my mother who didn't care and would consistently misinterpret my words and motivations to fit in to her warped view of reality.
So hmmmm... no big surprise why it is so important to me to not be misunderstood.
When Pere came home I asked him what he thinks I need. He said he thinks I need:
To be recognized for my good qualities - intelligence, sense of humor, and goodness. He said I get upset when people like me for what I think are the wrong reasons.
To set things right (injustices, dishonesty)
to bring order to the house and other systems.
I think I can add a few more things to that list. I need:
To live with integrity. (this means that I feel upset when I feel like I am being pressured to behave in a way that goes against my morals and values. My sister just loved to push that button.)
To have time for myself (This is new since being a mom. Taking time to listen to my music, read, write, think, etc)
To have friends in my life that get my jokes, enjoy each other's company, have a meeting of the minds.
That's it. That is all I have for now.
most of those are not things that my friends can do for me. Even the one about being understood... it is not like I can ask for people to understand me. I just have to get better at making myself understood, or deal with being misunderstood. I also can't ask for friends to get my jokes, they either do or they don't.
I don't know... maybe I will come up with some other things.
So, this might be good for you guys to think of. Have you thought about what your needs are? How are you getting them met? Do you need help getting them met? How good are you at asking for help?
Yesterday I had my therapy session. It was pretty energizing. I am definitely changing and developing healthier boundaries.
We got to talking about Needs. When I was a kid it was my responsibility to not show that I had any needs, because it would upset my mother if she had to do anything for me. I was also supposed to never say "No" to her needs, going so far as to anticipate her needs so she would not have to voice them.
When my therapist asked me what my needs are I was blank. He asked me what needs I might try to get met through my friendships and I said "none." He was then a bit snarky and said that I am so accomplished that I just don't ever need anyone's help. hmph!
But, I think he was trying to use humor to make a point.
I remember two things close friends have said about me on this subject. One time, in my mid-twenties, I was having a verbal fight with my boyfriend and things got kind of scary. He was storming around and breaking things, it seemed possible he might get violent, then he stormed out of the house. I called my male BFF and asked him to come over and sit with me, in case he came back.
I heard later that he told his girlfriend, 'We have to go right away, it must be really bad. H never asks for help."
It stuck with me because before that I didn't realize that I never asked for help. I just took care of myself.
Then, a few years ago, a good friend told me that I could ask for three times what I asked of people and they still wouldn't think I was asking too much. She told me that people actually liked to be needed. She said that it makes friends closer when there is a mutual feeling of being there to help each other. She said that I help but I never allow anyone to return the favor and that it creates a distance.
She was funny. She gave me homework that whenever I went to someone's house I should ask for a drink. Honestly, even the thought of that was uncomfortable. But I started trying it. Low and behold, nobody got put out that I asked for a drink. (unless I was asking that at my mother or sister's house.)
So today I was trying to do my therapy homework and think about my needs. The only thing I could come up with was that I don't like to be misunderstood. I have a need to communicate my meaning.
That was it. But it is something that drives me to have friends. I do want to connect with people. Unfortunately, while I like to listen to and get to know people I don't always feel comfortable communicating what I am actually thinking. I got burned too many times, both by my age peers in school (apparently I am often thinking something "weird') or by my mother who didn't care and would consistently misinterpret my words and motivations to fit in to her warped view of reality.
So hmmmm... no big surprise why it is so important to me to not be misunderstood.
When Pere came home I asked him what he thinks I need. He said he thinks I need:
To be recognized for my good qualities - intelligence, sense of humor, and goodness. He said I get upset when people like me for what I think are the wrong reasons.
To set things right (injustices, dishonesty)
to bring order to the house and other systems.
I think I can add a few more things to that list. I need:
To live with integrity. (this means that I feel upset when I feel like I am being pressured to behave in a way that goes against my morals and values. My sister just loved to push that button.)
To have time for myself (This is new since being a mom. Taking time to listen to my music, read, write, think, etc)
To have friends in my life that get my jokes, enjoy each other's company, have a meeting of the minds.
That's it. That is all I have for now.
most of those are not things that my friends can do for me. Even the one about being understood... it is not like I can ask for people to understand me. I just have to get better at making myself understood, or deal with being misunderstood. I also can't ask for friends to get my jokes, they either do or they don't.
I don't know... maybe I will come up with some other things.
So, this might be good for you guys to think of. Have you thought about what your needs are? How are you getting them met? Do you need help getting them met? How good are you at asking for help?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities
Are you afflicted with or affected by Overexcitabilites?
from the article Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children - by Leslie Sword
Overexcitability is a sensitivity of the nervous system, an expanded awareness of and a heightened capacity to respond to stimuli such as noise, light, smell, touch etc.
The term ‘overexcitability’ conveys the idea that this stimulation of the nervous system is well beyond the usual or average in intensity and duration.
Michael Piechowski, who worked with Dabrowski, explains the overexcitabilities as an abundance of physical, sensual, creative, intellectual and emotional energy that can result in creative endeavours as well as advanced emotional and ethical development in adulthood. He says that the overexcitabilities feed, enrich, empower and amplify talent.
Overexcitabilities are assumed to be innate: a genetic predisposition of the nervous system to respond more and more intensely to life's stimuli. This causes those with strong overexcitabilities to have more intense than usual experiences of life.
Overexcitabilities appear in five forms:
Psychomotor - surplus of energy: rapid speech, pressure for action, restlessness impulsive actions, nervous habits & tics, competitiveness, sleeplessness.
Sensual – sensory and aesthetic pleasure: heightened sensory awareness eg sights, smells, tastes, textures, sounds, appreciation of beautiful objects, music, nature, sensitivity to foods and pollutants, intense dislike of certain clothing, craving for pleasure.
Intellectual – learning, problem solving: curiosity, concentration, theoretical & analytical thinking, questioning, introspection, love of learning and problem solving, moral concern, thinking about personal and social moral values.
Imaginational – vivid imagination: creative & inventive, a rich and active fantasy life, superb visual memory, elaborate dreams, day dreams, love of poetry, music and drama, fears of the unknown, mixing of truth and fantasy, great sense of humour.
Emotional – intensity of feeling: complex emotions, extremes of emotion, empathy with others, sensitivity in relationships, strong memory for feelings, difficulty adjusting to change, fears and anxieties, inhibition, timidity, shyness, self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, heightened awareness of injustice and hypocrisy.
Here are some more examples from the article Overexcitability and the gifted by Sharon Lind
Overexcitabilities are inborn intensities indicating a heightened ability to respond to stimuli. Found to a greater degree in creative and gifted individuals, overexcitabilities are expressed in increased sensitivity, awareness, and intensity, and represent a real difference in the fabric of life and quality of experience.
When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards "workaholism"), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive.
They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still.
Those with Sensual OE have a far more expansive experience from their sensual input than the average person. They have an increased and early appreciation of aesthetic pleasures such as music, language, and art, and derive endless delight from tastes, smells, textures, sounds, and sights.
But because of this increased sensitivity, they may also feel over stimulated or uncomfortable with sensory input. When emotionally tense, some individuals high in Sensual OE may overeat, go on buying sprees, or seek the physical sensation of being the center of attraction
Others may withdraw from stimulation. Sensually overexcitable children may find clothing tags, classroom noise, or smells from the cafeteria so distracting that schoolwork becomes secondary. These children may also become so absorbed in their love of a particular piece of art or music that the outside world ceases to exist.
Those high in Intellectual OE have incredibly active minds. They are intensely curious, often avid readers, and usually keen observers. They are able to concentrate, engage in prolonged intellectual effort, and are tenacious in problem solving when they choose.
Other characteristics may include relishing elaborate planning and having remarkably detailed visual recall. People with Intellectual OE frequently love theory, thinking about thinking, and moral thinking. This focus on moral thinking often translates into strong concerns about moral and ethical issues-fairness on the playground, lack of respect for children, or being concerned about "adult" issues such as the homeless, AIDS, or war.
Intellectually overexcitable people are also quite independent of thought and sometimes appear critical of and impatient with others who cannot sustain their intellectual pace. Or they may be become so excited about an idea that they interrupt at inappropriate times.
Imaginational OE reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, frequent use of image and metaphor, facility for invention and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams.
Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, or create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum.
Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others' feelings, and strong affective expression.
Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things. They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships.
Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment.
Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of "overreacting." Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.
****************
So, do you recognize any (or all) of these Overexcitabilities in yourself or your children?
I remember seven years ago when I first read about Dabrowski's Theories on Overexcitabilities, it was a huge event in my life. It was validating to read that these behaviors and feelings I had had my whole life were "normal" for a small subset of people. That knowledge helped me take steps down the path of self-acceptance. I felt that I was weird and wrong for feeling things, everything, so much more than other people seemed to.
Next time I will post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration and how having Overexcitabilities is a Good Thing. He theorized that people who are overexcitable can more readily progress through higher stages of personal development.
from the article Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children - by Leslie Sword
Overexcitability is a sensitivity of the nervous system, an expanded awareness of and a heightened capacity to respond to stimuli such as noise, light, smell, touch etc.
The term ‘overexcitability’ conveys the idea that this stimulation of the nervous system is well beyond the usual or average in intensity and duration.
Michael Piechowski, who worked with Dabrowski, explains the overexcitabilities as an abundance of physical, sensual, creative, intellectual and emotional energy that can result in creative endeavours as well as advanced emotional and ethical development in adulthood. He says that the overexcitabilities feed, enrich, empower and amplify talent.
Overexcitabilities are assumed to be innate: a genetic predisposition of the nervous system to respond more and more intensely to life's stimuli. This causes those with strong overexcitabilities to have more intense than usual experiences of life.
Overexcitabilities appear in five forms:
Psychomotor - surplus of energy: rapid speech, pressure for action, restlessness impulsive actions, nervous habits & tics, competitiveness, sleeplessness.
Sensual – sensory and aesthetic pleasure: heightened sensory awareness eg sights, smells, tastes, textures, sounds, appreciation of beautiful objects, music, nature, sensitivity to foods and pollutants, intense dislike of certain clothing, craving for pleasure.
Intellectual – learning, problem solving: curiosity, concentration, theoretical & analytical thinking, questioning, introspection, love of learning and problem solving, moral concern, thinking about personal and social moral values.
Imaginational – vivid imagination: creative & inventive, a rich and active fantasy life, superb visual memory, elaborate dreams, day dreams, love of poetry, music and drama, fears of the unknown, mixing of truth and fantasy, great sense of humour.
Emotional – intensity of feeling: complex emotions, extremes of emotion, empathy with others, sensitivity in relationships, strong memory for feelings, difficulty adjusting to change, fears and anxieties, inhibition, timidity, shyness, self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, heightened awareness of injustice and hypocrisy.
Here are some more examples from the article Overexcitability and the gifted by Sharon Lind
Overexcitabilities are inborn intensities indicating a heightened ability to respond to stimuli. Found to a greater degree in creative and gifted individuals, overexcitabilities are expressed in increased sensitivity, awareness, and intensity, and represent a real difference in the fabric of life and quality of experience.
When feeling emotionally tense, individuals strong in Psychomotor OE may talk compulsively, act impulsively, misbehave and act out, display nervous habits, show intense drive (tending towards "workaholism"), compulsively organize, or become quite competitive.
They derive great joy from their boundless physical and verbal enthusiasm and activity, but others may find them overwhelming. At home and at school, these children seem never to be still.
Those with Sensual OE have a far more expansive experience from their sensual input than the average person. They have an increased and early appreciation of aesthetic pleasures such as music, language, and art, and derive endless delight from tastes, smells, textures, sounds, and sights.
But because of this increased sensitivity, they may also feel over stimulated or uncomfortable with sensory input. When emotionally tense, some individuals high in Sensual OE may overeat, go on buying sprees, or seek the physical sensation of being the center of attraction
Others may withdraw from stimulation. Sensually overexcitable children may find clothing tags, classroom noise, or smells from the cafeteria so distracting that schoolwork becomes secondary. These children may also become so absorbed in their love of a particular piece of art or music that the outside world ceases to exist.
Those high in Intellectual OE have incredibly active minds. They are intensely curious, often avid readers, and usually keen observers. They are able to concentrate, engage in prolonged intellectual effort, and are tenacious in problem solving when they choose.
Other characteristics may include relishing elaborate planning and having remarkably detailed visual recall. People with Intellectual OE frequently love theory, thinking about thinking, and moral thinking. This focus on moral thinking often translates into strong concerns about moral and ethical issues-fairness on the playground, lack of respect for children, or being concerned about "adult" issues such as the homeless, AIDS, or war.
Intellectually overexcitable people are also quite independent of thought and sometimes appear critical of and impatient with others who cannot sustain their intellectual pace. Or they may be become so excited about an idea that they interrupt at inappropriate times.
Imaginational OE reflects a heightened play of the imagination with rich association of images and impressions, frequent use of image and metaphor, facility for invention and fantasy, detailed visualization, and elaborate dreams.
Often children high in Imaginational OE mix truth with fiction, or create their own private worlds with imaginary companions and dramatizations to escape boredom. They find it difficult to stay tuned into a classroom where creativity and imagination are secondary to learning rigid academic curriculum.
Emotional OE is often the first to be noticed by parents. It is reflected in heightened, intense feelings, extremes of complex emotions, identification with others' feelings, and strong affective expression.
Other manifestations include physical responses like stomachaches and blushing or concern with death and depression (Piechowski, 1979). Emotionally overexcitable people have a remarkable capacity for deep relationships; they show strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things. They have compassion, empathy, and sensitivity in relation-ships.
Those with strong Emotional OE are acutely aware of their own feelings, of how they are growing and changing, and often carry on inner dialogs and practice self-judgment.
Children high in Emotional OE‚ are often accused of "overreacting." Their compassion and concern for others, their focus on relationships, and the intensity of their feelings may interfere with everyday tasks like homework or doing the dishes.
****************
So, do you recognize any (or all) of these Overexcitabilities in yourself or your children?
I remember seven years ago when I first read about Dabrowski's Theories on Overexcitabilities, it was a huge event in my life. It was validating to read that these behaviors and feelings I had had my whole life were "normal" for a small subset of people. That knowledge helped me take steps down the path of self-acceptance. I felt that I was weird and wrong for feeling things, everything, so much more than other people seemed to.
Next time I will post about Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration and how having Overexcitabilities is a Good Thing. He theorized that people who are overexcitable can more readily progress through higher stages of personal development.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Choir Performance
Zoe had her big choir performance this weekend.
Her children's choir sang with the adult chorale and with a chamber orchestra. The show was three different versions of the Catholic Mass. One was by Durufle - a Gregorian Chant with orchestral accompaniment. The second was a Gospel Jazz mass by Robert Ray. Zoe's choir sang in the third, The Children's Mass by John Rutter.
It was a really wonderful performance and Zoe enjoyed herself immensely. It seemed to me that her favorite aspect was that, with the adult chorale and orchestra, it sounded "more professional.
The whole show was over 2 hours long, so I was impressed that the kids sat through such a long show. Zoe is the youngest, at 8, the rest of the kids are 10 - 15.
There was a big write up in our newspaper about the show. This picture from the newspaper shows the kids practicing. There's Zoe! (the little one on the end)
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