What I am Reading and Reviews

Books I have Finished Reading

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron

This book really opened my eyes and allowed me to reframe a lifetime of feeling apart from and outside of the majority of society. Many traits I felt were "issues" or something weird about me are explained in The Highly Sensitive Person as blessings, benefits, and advantages.

I feel like the Highly Sensitive Person is part of the gifted continuum, but one does not have to be gifted to be HSP, and not all gifted people are HSP. My husband would say that he is not empathic or exceptionally aware of other people's feelings or motivations. But he does have sensitivities of the five senses.

Try the self test and if you score Highly Sensitive I recommend this book.

The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook by Elaine Aron

This book is wonderful! I am just finishing it now. There is much more therapeutical work in this book than I expected. Aron takes the pain, isolation and confusion HSP's have experienced by seeing and experiencing things differently from the norm very seriously.

The first book convinced me to honor and esteem my differences, especially in regards to being an HSP (but not just that.) The workbook invited me to do many exercises and activities to reframe deep seated issues I have about my differences.

It is one thing to understand intellectually that your differences are not bad and can actually be a benefit to your life and others. But it is another thing to really know the truth in that statement, to let it sink in and change your negative self talk, and reframe issues going back to childhood with more compassion for yourself and from a realistic understanding mature viewpoint.

The Sociopath Next Door

This book was for research for my novel. It was depressing at times. There were things in here that wish weren't true. But, it was useful to me. And I do enjoy these kind of shocking true crime/sociology books.

A Gift to Myself - Charles Whitfield

This is another therapy book, assigned to me by my therapist. It gets into some very deep stuff. Whitfield says people can take 3 to 5 years to work through the exercises. I scoffed. But I have had to put it aside many times because it was too much. I wasn't ready to move forward and needed to spend more time working through some deep issues.

This book really isn't for everyone. But, if you have a dysfunctional family of origin and had a dysfunctional childhood this book will really open your eyes to how the self-protective adaptive behaviors you had to have as a child to survive are maladaptive as an adult. As you become aware of the ways you are reacting to the world, your spouse, yoru boss, your friends, etc in the ways you reacted to a dysfunctional parent you can stop yourself and learn new healthier behaviors.

On one hand I think everyone could benefit from a book like this. We are all our parent's child and even if we think our parents were "good enough" they still might not have supported us in the best ways. This kind of self reflection is how you begin to take responsibility for your behavior, to the people you are in charge of, in relationships with and, most importantly, your behavior to yourself.

Books I am Still Reading

Living with Intensity

This is more about Dabrowski and this Theories of Overexcitabilities and Positive Disintegration. This is not the type of book I read cover to cover. I skip around and read chapters out of order. I am reading it for specific knowledge and, since I am a busy person I do not always have time to read the parts that are unrelated to my current questions.


The Introvert Advantage - Marti Olden Laney

So, I'm an Introvert. I am kind of surprised at this. I stopped behaving like an introvert in junior high. I am still trying to figure out why that is. Maybe it had to do with dating. Likely it is a lot more complicated than that. Since then I have many times felt like Bilbo before he goes off to Rivendale "Like butter spread over too much bread." For a long time I was strung out on others people's needs and expectations. Part of being a HSp and also an "adult child" is being overly aware of the needs of others and feeling overly responsible. Maybe I felt different in so many ways that I couldn't hide that I choose this aspect of myself to ignore and force to fit in to societies expectations.

This book is very easy to read, and nicely affirming. If you ever thought you might be introverted or have mixed feeling about being one I recommend this book. (Or if your spouse or child is introverted)

Books I Just Got And Haven't Started Yet.

The Lolita Effect

Grrrr

The Nice Girl Syndrome - Beverly Engel

For me and Zoe. People think I am assertive but I still have work to do. I want to start earlier with Zoe because the pressure to be "nice" above protecting yourself from harm starts early and is very pervasive for women.

The Gifted Adult - Mary-Elaine Jacobsen

Just got this today. Was recommended by some online friends.

Please Understand Me II - David Keirsey

I am totally into the Myers Brigg Personality Indicator Type theory right now. This is one of the main books on Myers Brigg and Jung.

Good (in every meaning of the word*) Friends

Sunday we drove down to Fort Wayne to visit friends.

We had an awesome time eating lots of tasty homemade food and drinks (ginger beer!) and talking about books and family and life.

My friend H was Zoe's librarian when Zoe was a toddler and we bonded over our dislike of Disney twaddle. ;) P and Pere bond over cooking, contemplating squirrels, music and whatever else cool guys talk about. :P



Zoe loves their children. We love them too. They are so smart and beautiful and funny. I really enjoy the company of their kids.:)


Anyway, a great time was had by all and we made vows to see each other more often.

* All meaning of Good except - (of meat, esp. beef) noting or pertaining to the specific grade below “choice,” containing more lean muscle and less edible fat than “prime” or “choice.”

More Notre Dame Kid's Movie Festival

Last night Zoe. Pere and I went to an outdoor showing of Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Wererabbit. It was downtown at the College Football Hall of Fame, which is next door to The Chocolate Cafe. We got candy and ice cream.

Zoe saw two friends, one from Temple and one from the neighborhood. She ran around the Gridiron for about 30 minutes playing tag.



We love Wallace and Gromit. I loved the atmosphere of watching it outdoors, people on blankets, under blankets, on lawn chairs, laughing out loud and sharing a wonderful community event. I am glad we went.



Today was our last day with the festival, We went to see the Miracle Worker and we sat in the same theatre( they were in the row just in front of us) with Sean Astin, aka Samwise Gamgee, his wife and three daughters. We really enjoyed the movie. Zoe highly recommends it.

After the movie Sean did a Q & A. Zoe asked him how old his mother was when she starred in The Miracle Worker. She was 12 when she started on Broadway and 13 or 14 when she did the film. I asked him how she prepared for playing a deaf and blind characters. I did have a bit of a geek out moment talking to him. eeeeeee!



The last movie was Sita Sings The Blues. It was pretty funny and also pretty. We had a good discussion about sexism afterwards over a dinner of Indiana food.

Azur and Asmar

Notre Dame is hosting a children's World film festival this week, all the films but one are foreign. Today Zoe and I attended the beautiful Azur et Asmar by French filmaker Michel Oscelot. We really enjoyed it! Zoe gave it five stars. :)

We saw a three homeschooling families from our group there and some neighborhood kids and some kids from Zoe's choir. It is neat sometimes it live in a small town and see people we know while we are out and about.

*******************


Today I was trying to research the idea that women seek out their role and self-esteem in a horizontal web of relationships and men in a vertical power structure.

The reason I am interested is because I don't think I derive my self-esteem from either of those ways. My way is about reaching goals that I have set for myself, sticking to my values, especially when challenged or tempted not to, and continuing to learn interesting and important things. I have a few people that I trust to listen to me and give me feedback. But otherwise it is a very individualistic process.

Connecting with people is a side benefit, but not where develop my identity and I am very aware of where I am in any hierarchal structure. I am the one off to the side doodling, making jokes in my head and solving the problem my own way. ;)

Here is how the Myers Brigg Personality Indicator describes it:

INTJs are the most self-confident of all types, having "self-power" awareness.
"the most independent of all types."
"The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand."
"Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things."
"Strong insights and intuitions, which they trust implicitly"
"Value their own opinions over others"
"Reserved and detached from others"
"INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type. INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake."

Feeling "weird"

adj. weird·er, weird·est
Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
Archaic Of or relating to fate or the Fates.

Monday night I had over some homeschooling mom friends, for a ladies night out. We sat outside in the backyard and had chips and cake and lemonade and talked for about four hours.

I learned that either a party of five is too much for me or talking for four hours is too much or both. I mean, I enjoyed some aspects of it, but it was too over-stimulating.

One of the mom's brought up Zoe and math camp. Apparently she was talking to her son during a math lesson and she told him, "You know, Zoe goes to a camp where all they do is math and she LOVES it."

and her son answered, "Well mom, I think Zoe is a great person but she's weird!"

Then my friend laughed and indicated she agreed with her son. 'Cause, you know, it is so WEIRD it like math.

I am pretty sure if I pressed my friend about it she would admit that it is not really weird, the world is full of adult engineers, math teachers, statisticians, actuaries, scientists, computer programmers, etc - so it is really not that unusual. I think what she really meant to say was that she herself doesn't feel comfortable with math so it is hard for her to identify with a child who would enjoy it.

I guess I am sensitive about the peer pressure girls experience when they have an aptitude in math. Just google Math Girls Peer Pressure and you will see lots of studies about this phenomenon.

Here is an example from the article U.S. Culture Blamed for Lack of Girl Math Experts

Elementary school girls tend to do as well or better in math than their boy classmates, and the authors suggest that peer pressure and societal expectations cause girls to begin falling behind or losing interest in math by middle school. Worse, some girls may even hide their aptitude or interest in math to avoid ridicule.


Also, the Ladies Night Out left me feeling kind of weird. We got to talking about the Myers Brigg Personality Indicators and three out of the five ladies are F's for Feeling. (One woman hasn't take the test.) I was the only T, for Thinking. Actually INTJ women are only about 0.5% of the population (INTP females are also very rare.) Most women are ISFJ or ESFJ, very strong in the Sensing and Feeling aspects.

Before I knew much about the MBPI I knew that it is much easier to hang out with men than women. I never even hung out with groups of women until I had Zoe and joined a Mom's Club. It is a struggle at times to deal in the world of Feelings. I learned that in certain groups sharing my Thinking point of view will earn me ridicule or even a hostile glare. So I usually keep my ideas to myself. Or I modify my real thoughts to fit in more with the group. Because fitting in with the group is really important in groups of women.

But recently I have been trying to be more respectful of my own needs and my INTJness and my HSPness. It is not easy and it did, in fact, earn me a few "You're weird!" comments from the ladies Monday night.

I dunno, it is some what discouraging but not unexpected. I recognize I can wear my "weird badge" with honor and usually I do. But I am not sure if "being myself" is ever going to coexist smoothly with "fitting in with groups of women."

Shakescenes

Zoe, Pere and I went down to Notre Dame on Saturday for their Shakespeare Festival. We saw Shakescenes, performed by kids in the community, there were some really good troupes.



I really like that campus. On the weekends, when it is empty, it very relaxing to walk around.

spontaneous outing

Friday we met our homeschooling friends at the park. We haven't seen most of them in a month! That was really nice.

In the afternoon I had plans to work on my book but I had the bright idea to ride our bikes to the downtown library. It should only take like 15 minutes but with Zoe it is more like 30.

I love our little downtown. The heart of it is only a mile an a half away from our house. The river and the East Race (a white water raceway) flows through it. There is an ice cream and candy shop - The Chocolate Factory Cafe, an interactive kids health museum, a couple parks, an old theatre, a small used bookstore, a roleplaying game store, performing arts guild, several restaurants and shops, in the winter an ice rink, and more ... it is a very small downtown but it has some nice architecture and it is very pleasant to walk around, especially by the river.

Pere's company is one the river and the bike trail from our neighborhood goes right too it.


We went to the library, visited Pere at his work, rode along the river and visited the big Enshrinement Ceremony at the College Football Hall of Fame, which is also downtown. They were having a BBQ ribs cookoff. I bought some ribs and corn and we brought it home for dinner.

On the way home we crossed all these cute bridges over the East Race.



After we put Zoe to bed we heard a ruckus from outside. Zoe called out that she was scared. We climbed the stairs and looked out the window and saw that the Enshrinement Ceremony was concluding in Fireworks. We went out on our balcony that overlooks the river and the downtown and watched the whole thing.

So I didn't get any writing done but it was a very nice day.

blogged down

I'm feeling bogged down, which is a no-no. I am trying to learn the Art of Extreme Self-Care as well as respect my needs as a Highly Sensitive Person.

So why am I fooling around with Twitter? Yet another app to update... I have a hard enough time remembering to do Facebook. (though I am sure I heard there was a way to coordinate Facebook with Twitter)

I do have a lot on my plate. So? What should I scrape off and feed to the dog?

I have homeschooling in the a.m.. If I am not homeschooling I am doing something else with Zoe. In between I am doing household chores, responding to emails, blogging, Facebook, and possibly some online research.

After lunch I need to go for a walk. That is something I REALLY need to do.

Then I have from 2:00 - 5:00 to work on my own projects, which are:

Writing a novel (currently researching the psychological profiles of psychopaths, and more MBTI).

Reading and working through three different personal growth books.

Doing the preparation necessary to be Zoe's teacher, which includes:
Keeping up with homeschooling news
Keeping up with Gifted news
Reading emails from 10 or so online groups I follow
Reading the 10 or so blogs I follow (this is not just for homeschooling but I do sometimes get good homeschooling advice and recommendations)
Reading the Local News
Reading various parenting, educating books, articles, etc

Or I have to take Zoe to her classes: Music, Japanese, Choir, Gymnastics

Gamemastering a role-playing game from Pere and Zoe. I started GMing in highschool. I haven't been a GM in about 10 years but recently I have been playing in another game with Pere and some friends and really enjoying it. Zoe really wants to play a role-playing game so I am making one we can do at home. More on that later.

In the evenings I watch TV with Pere, and multi-task doing more of all of the above. Soon his MBA program will start assigning homework and I will have more time to work on my projects (although it is a bittersweet trade off because I do need copious amounts of Pere time.)

SO, I need to tone it down. I need some quiet meditation time. It has been recommended that I spend at least one hour a day in meditation or quiet reflection or just lying in bed.

Hmmm... I just don't know. I guess I could try it for a week, it is summer after all. I could see if it's worth it.

music and math

Zoe had two really wonderful experiences today.

First she was practicing her new piano piece, Solfeggietto by C.P.E. Bach. She had a kind of transcendent experience provoked by the song's beauty. She was in raptures.

Later she was moved to dance, spin, skip and practically fly after her math class this evening. She was so wired over her foray into robotics, she turned her supercharged energies into a musical number on the streets of downtown South Bend.

I'm really happy for her.

I worked on my novel for about three hours in the afternoon. My big projects these days are homeschooling, working through my Highly Sensitive Person Workbook, and writing my novel.

Wednesday - Monday

We have been really busy the last week

Pere started his MBA program at Notre Dame on Thursday. He was very busy with orientation and classes and team building exercises, etc. Spouses were invited to a couple of the events, so I got to eat dinner in the press box over the Notre Dame football stadium and chit chat with the wife of the V.P. of the school about the wretched state of the airline industry. ;)




While Pere was uber busy at work and at school Zoe was having camp days.

She rehearsed scenes from Mary Poppins all week at musical theatre camp and performed at the local theatre on Saturday. It was really cute.



In the afternoons she attended a math camp at Notre Dame. She loved math camp so much she asked to sign up for three more weeks! Today she worked on fractals, programmed a LEGOs mindstorm robot and circuits.

Today was really busy for Zoe, she had her first music class since we got back from Los Angeles, then right after that she had her weekly gymnastics class, and then the math camp. Tonight during her prayers she thanked God for all her classes. :) so cute!



When I wasn't driving Zoe around or sitting in on an awesome Myers Briggs Personality Indicator seminar at Notre Dame I have I been trying to come up with Zoe's fall curriculum, specifically science.

I averaged 300 websites a day since Wednesday looking for the best middle school life science curriculum known to man. I came up with Singapore Science (which we were already using...) and e science labs.

http://www.singaporemath.com/Homeschool_s/60.htm

http://www.singaporemath.com/FAQ_Secondary_Math_s/16.htm

The Ministry of Education in Singapore uses In Science, New Science Discovery, and Interactive Science for Inquiring Minds for middle school. For math they are using Discovering Mathematics and Math Insights.

The National Council of Teachers of Mathematics - they have a page that shows that the singapore curriculum alines with their grade level focal points.

http://www.edinformatics.com/math_science/nctm_singapore_math.htm

and on the Edinformatics math and science reform webpage they link to the singapore math and science curriculum as "Noteworthy" and "Edinformatics Select!"

http://edinformatics.com/reform/reform.htm

Big Little Big

This week Zoe has Musical Theatre camp for three hours in the morning and a math lab camp for one and a half hours in the afternoon. Yesterday she also had her first gymnastics lessons at a new facility.

She loved all of it.

The musical camp is supposed to be for kids age 5 - 12. Ends up half the kids look younger than Zoe. I think this is the first time she has ever taken a class where she is one of the "big kids." When she got out of class she happily related that she enjoyed the class and even made two friends.

After lunch she had her first math lab at Notre Dame. The coordinator (director?) of the class and I had emailed back and forth a little about which class to put Zoe in. She ended up in the "advanced middle school" group. She was definitely the smallest one there. The picture above shows her in the middle with the two boys on her team working out a math problem on the board.

I sat in a corner of the room for the first class. At first it looked like her group was going to be all boys but it ended up being 11 boys and 4 girls (including Zoe.) The other three girls were clearly upper middle school and they all sat together at a table with another older boy.

Zoe totally held her own. She raised her hand for every question, (most of the kids there did) answered confidently when she was called on and seemed to feel she had a right to lead her team.

She was really excited when it was time to go. As we were leaving she said the cutest thing, "I feel like a real math person."

I think this is the first time she has done math with other kids. I am REALLY glad we tried this class, and I am going to be on the look out for more activities by this group because I think feeling like a "real math person" is excellent.

At the end of a rather full day of activities Zoe tried out a new gymnastics class. She hasn't taken any P.E. type classes since December.

This new place has a great gym, like what we were used to in Los Angeles. Zoe was in a class with three other girls. Two were smaller and one was a little bigger. I think they were all beginners. I was watching from the viewing area and could see that Zoe was the most advanced in the class. The teacher asked where Zoe did gymnastics before.

This class is only 3 more weeks and then a break before classes start up again for the Fall. I am thinking Zoe should move up to be in a higher level then. But then again she might be the littlest one again.

I wonder... how does it affect her to always be the littlest one? Does she think of herself that way? She didn't seem to at the math class. Does being one of the bigger kids or the advanced/lead kid give her important leadership opportunities?

I remember back when I was stuck with my age mates that being the advanced/lead kid was not really worth it. I would have much rather been in a challenging situation than one that is too easy, YKWIM? But, because we homeschool and I am good at advocating, Zoe often gets to work at her level, so maybe it is the other thing that she needs.

Friday Night Fever

Zoe was really sick on Friday. She started off not eating anything at breakfast and going back to bed. That evening she was running a fever of 102. When Zoe gets feverish she starts to hallucinate, which is really scary for her and for me.

It never got really bad, but she did experience some feverish obsessive nightmares. I gave her children's tylenol and she slept in our bed. I woke her up every couple hours to check her temperature again.

Saturday she was still sick and slept pretty much all day. Pere and I felt really sorry for her because she missed the big neighborhood Independence Day festivities. There was a bike parade, (she and a neighbor had been planning to decorate their bikes together), the water balloon games in the park (with about 25 neighborhood kids), the gutter sundae (big clean trough, lots of ice cream, variety of toppings, give the kids spoons)

So I made her a little sundae at home which she tried to finish and then we went out on the lawn and played with sparklers.



Then she said she felt well enough to walk half a block to the park to sit on our friend's lawn and watch our resident pyromanic set off some amazing fireworks.



Seriously... the finale was crazy!

Anyway...Zoe give air hugs to her friends and take part in one of the holiday celebrations that make us so glad we live here. :)

During the fireworks she asked for a brownie, the first time she had asked to eat food in 36 hours. She slept though the night last night with no fever and woke up this morning saying she was hungry for breakfast. :)

Chicago Shedd Aquarium

Yesterday Zoe and I met some friends from California at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.

It was SO nice to reconnect. Zoe and K looked at everything, played with everything and got along wonderfully. Zoe is looking forward to taking an online class with her this fall.

My friend and I talked about... well everything! It was great! I missed a chance to see her recently so this trip was such a welcome gift.

I wish we could see them on more than a yearly basis. J, we are going to have to email each other more!