adj. weird·er, weird·est
Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
Archaic Of or relating to fate or the Fates.
Monday night I had over some homeschooling mom friends, for a ladies night out. We sat outside in the backyard and had chips and cake and lemonade and talked for about four hours.
I learned that either a party of five is too much for me or talking for four hours is too much or both. I mean, I enjoyed some aspects of it, but it was too over-stimulating.
One of the mom's brought up Zoe and math camp. Apparently she was talking to her son during a math lesson and she told him, "You know, Zoe goes to a camp where all they do is math and she LOVES it."
and her son answered, "Well mom, I think Zoe is a great person but she's weird!"
Then my friend laughed and indicated she agreed with her son. 'Cause, you know, it is so WEIRD it like math.
I am pretty sure if I pressed my friend about it she would admit that it is not really weird, the world is full of adult engineers, math teachers, statisticians, actuaries, scientists, computer programmers, etc - so it is really not that unusual. I think what she really meant to say was that she herself doesn't feel comfortable with math so it is hard for her to identify with a child who would enjoy it.
I guess I am sensitive about the peer pressure girls experience when they have an aptitude in math. Just google Math Girls Peer Pressure and you will see lots of studies about this phenomenon.
Here is an example from the article U.S. Culture Blamed for Lack of Girl Math Experts
Elementary school girls tend to do as well or better in math than their boy classmates, and the authors suggest that peer pressure and societal expectations cause girls to begin falling behind or losing interest in math by middle school. Worse, some girls may even hide their aptitude or interest in math to avoid ridicule.
Also, the Ladies Night Out left me feeling kind of weird. We got to talking about the Myers Brigg Personality Indicators and three out of the five ladies are F's for Feeling. (One woman hasn't take the test.) I was the only T, for Thinking. Actually INTJ women are only about 0.5% of the population (INTP females are also very rare.) Most women are ISFJ or ESFJ, very strong in the Sensing and Feeling aspects.
Before I knew much about the MBPI I knew that it is much easier to hang out with men than women. I never even hung out with groups of women until I had Zoe and joined a Mom's Club. It is a struggle at times to deal in the world of Feelings. I learned that in certain groups sharing my Thinking point of view will earn me ridicule or even a hostile glare. So I usually keep my ideas to myself. Or I modify my real thoughts to fit in more with the group. Because fitting in with the group is really important in groups of women.
But recently I have been trying to be more respectful of my own needs and my INTJness and my HSPness. It is not easy and it did, in fact, earn me a few "You're weird!" comments from the ladies Monday night.
I dunno, it is some what discouraging but not unexpected. I recognize I can wear my "weird badge" with honor and usually I do. But I am not sure if "being myself" is ever going to coexist smoothly with "fitting in with groups of women."
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This is timely. Ami's older cousin called her, "brainiac, weird, and Jimmy Neutron" the other day because she likes math. I doubt she wanted to be mean, but DD was distressed.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people have received poor math instruction, and that's why everyone has an opinion on math. It seems more than other subjects. It seems like a constant battle to confront these attitudes if they are expressed to your child.
Interestingly if someone notices Ami's math ability and they are interested, she may say she is doing high school math, and they respond favorably. However if someone notices something she said that has to do with a knowledge base or vocabulary usage people react strangely, or even say something ignorant.
I almost never sit and talk with a group of women. If I have to, I rarely talk. More power to you for trying.
Thanks for the feedback Mariposa.
ReplyDeleteSorry that Ami heard her cousin say that. At least in our case the woman said it to me when Zoe wasn't around. Otherwise I think it might have hurt Zoe's feelings to hear her friend was calling her weird for enjoying math.
Sometimes I think people might even be trying to compliment you when they call you a "weird" or "brainiac" but they might also be having mixed feelings about their own perceived inadequacies.
We think weird is cool in our family and my kids love that label! But I know what you are saying. I think you and Z (P too) are all amazing, interesting and very cool! (M does too!)
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
My husband is a mathamatician--so we're all for it here. Even I understand it more these days.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving your posts--I see so much of myself in them. Hang out with a group of women-never! Men have always been easier. I do tend to let people know my opinions on topics--but they are usually against everyone elses, and that's something I've grown to be perfectly at ease with. But 4 hours of small talk would have done me in!
I am also a T (INTP -- though the P and J are very close), and it's true that most of my grad school friends were men. Since doing "mom" socializing, however, I have learned to appreciate that as well. It's not the same as those tight friendships of the past, where I really felt on the same wavelength, like we "got" each other without effort, but that's OK. I think that is a time-of-life thing as well as a personality thing for me.
ReplyDeleteI did have to make a conscious effort to adjust my expectations of friendship, but it has led to some pleasant surprises. Many of my closer female friends and I seem to share a "leadership" trait, where many of my male friends and I shared a "brilliant/clever" trait (said with a grain of salt!), so the way we relate is not the same. I still find myself caught out as the "smart one" (or sometimes the "weird one") more often in the female groups -- maybe not because the women are less smart, but because the way men and women interact in groups. I guess I am lucky to have smart female friends who tend to cherish each other's differences.
Though even with those friends, 4 hours of constant interaction might wear me out too!